Spoilt children?

gibson123

Don't expect a teenager to be grateful, stick to the rules, be strict, she will be grateful when she is 30 and a successful fulfilled adult.

Mado

The problem is that there are what seems to be, never ending trip possibilities in secondary school.
We're quite well off, but told our DD last year that they would all have an equivalent budget per year for trips and the choice of which one they go is their's.
Otherwise we could be financing very extravagant trips at the expense of a trip together as a family.
Children need to learn that they can't have it all.

grey_lady

Hang on a sec millysg1 got a fiver for cleaning the bathroom back in the day and the OP is paying is step-daughter 50p a chore towards a trip costing £800! That's 1600 chores to 'earn' enough to go on her school trip
- think I'd throw a strop at that.

KiKi

grey_lady wrote: »

Hang on a sec millysg1 got a fiver for cleaning the bathroom back in the day and the OP is paying is step-daughter 50p a chore towards a trip costing £800! That's 1600 chores to 'earn' enough to go on her school trip
- think I'd throw a strop at that.

He hasn't said she has to pay for the whole trip, just a 'deposit'. Which could be - for all we know, £20. And a chore could be 'cleaning the kitchen sink', not the whole kitchen.

KiKi

jumpedtheshark

How much was the deposit? Did she have a realistic chance of 'earning' it through 50p jobs? If she didn't, perhaps you could renegotiate? - Could some Christmas money cover the deposit so she still feels she's 'paid' for it? Does she have any old toys she could help you sell on eBay, for example, to cover the deposit?

If you're the only source of the opportunity for her to earn money, I can understand why she might be upset if the target was almost unreachable all along.

Sambucus_Nigra

Carl31 wrote: »

Ive just had another load of abuse hurled my way by my 11 year old step daughter about paying for another school trip.

I have 2 step daughters, my own daughter and my son. My son lives with bis mother. Our household income is above average, we are not millionaires, but we dont really struggle either.

we tend to do a lot with our kids, go out a lot, keep them entertained, and they never really miss out. Over the past 2 years both my stepdaughters have been able to go on school residential trips, one in year 5 and another in year 6. Its cost us about 800 pounds for this. They 'pay' for things by doing jobs around the house where they earn 50p per job towards their trips.

Eldest stepdaughter has just started secondary school, where there is yet another trip. its more of a fun trip than educational. Since starting secondary, her attitude and behaviour has become awful, which i expect due to age, but its also lead to a lot of rudeness, and also expectation around money. I have said that if she earns enough for the trip she can go, but due to not bothering she has not earned enough for the deposit. Due to her behaviour and the fact shes not earned enough I have said she cant go, which resulted in an awful tantrum.

Does it sound like these children are spoilt? This behaviour has annoyed ne tonight, but i think its my own fault for building expectations

a - what was the deposit?
b - how long has she had to 'earn' this?
c - do all the kids have to do the same to earn trips?
d - how many chores would she have to do per day between you telling her about 'earning' the deposit and yesterday?
e - if she doesn't get the trip, does she still get the money? or is it 'pretend' money?

indsty

I think you need to be very clear with SD that her mum and you are both saying the same thing. You also need to take this opportunity to sit down calmly, acknowledge her feelings and decide how to do better in the future. e.g. allow for one trip, one whatever else, and then she has to contribute. I used to give £10 a week to my kids on top of their pocket money, which they had to put away and could then be used as contributions towards more school connected stuff if they wanted. It made them choose what they really wanted to be involved in.
You are just going to have to grin and bear the "acting out" - joined up families will always have extra issues. Just keep calm and respectful of her feelings, and hopefully she will begin to respect yours.

jackyann

We made a complete distinction between educational trips - which can also be fun - but which are designed to add to learning; and "holiday" trips. We simply refused to fund the latter with a single exception in a year when it was that child's holiday (for a mix of family reasons)
The ones that blur the distinction are those where the trip is to another country. We would ask what the child would be learning, and how they proposed to teach the culture /language etc.
We funded one trip where the kids stayed "en famille" and went to school during the day, but did not fund "adventure" trips.
I am aware that some families cannot afford to pay for educational trips, in which case it is worth seeing if there is a local charitable fund (there often is). But I have to say that the idea of having to do chores to "earn" a trip that is purely educational seems to be asking for a negative attitude!
Maybe I'm just very old-fashioned!

Smi1er

McKneff wrote: »

Follow it through and dont change your mind.

This is the key bit. Back down and you're screwed for the future. Play hard and they'll be crystal clear regarding the rules next time

mrcow

Not "spoiled" at all for certain.

You agreed the rules and you've stuck by them. Good for you.

Now if you'd given in after the tantrum, that would indicate a spoiled child that knows exactly which buttons to press when the time suits.

On the trip btw - is it one where practically everyone will be going? Or just a few? If the former, I'd be inclined to give it a couple of days and see if she redeems herself in any way. If the latter, don't give it another thought.