What happens if I speak up?

bright_side

Four weeks ago I went to my GP feeling just as you do now. I wanted out and couldn't imagine anything changing that. It wasn't the first time I had been in that place, but no matter how much I tried to tell myself I would get through it (as I have before) I just couldn't see a future. The hardest part for me was not wanting to carry on but knowing I had no choice because my children need me and I've seen what losing my sister did to my mum. A change in my medication has made all the difference.

Do you take medication? Have you had therapy? You really need to persevere with these things to get the help you need. It will be worth it.

Definitely give the samaritans a call, having someone listen without judging can be a tremendous help xx

*max*

Don't even think about being some kind of a "burden" on the NHS, please. This is what the NHS is here for! It's there for people who are hurt, or ill, physically or psychologically. Those people dedicate their lives to help - they don't judge, or think ill of people who need them, because they could very well be the ones who need help one day.

If you are going to hospital tomorrow, then you will be in the best place in the world to talk to someone about what's troubling you. Wait until then. Please wait until tomorrow, and reach out to someone. Time is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Nobody will judge you. You are a person, as much deserving of care and respect as anybody else, as any of us. We are all people. Don't you forget that. Hang in there.

whitewing

Are you someone we know posting on a new log on? (If not, then you already remind me of another MSE'er who I am very fond of, so that has to be a good sign).

Tell someone official exactly how you are feeling. I become almost unable to talk when I am down. I usually write it down, especially as my memory is patchy at times of great stress, I can forget the rest of a sentence when I'm halfway through it. Even medical teams with a wealth of experience in the field won't know exactly how you feel because everybody is unique. So tell them, however bad it feels.

It can also be very difficult for parents, so don't take your mum's response as indicative of anything. At some point when you are not feeling so desperate you will be able to communicate better with her.

ME13

WastedLife wrote: »

I'm glad you found a way through and had your dad for support.

Good luck with your jopb application and I hope you continue to prosper.
There was a lot of hope for you and time. It's important to relaise that if you are close to giving up but stil have people and things to live for.

If you can climb out life seems brighter .

It's been a long hard slog and I do still get very down at times thin
king about what I've lost and what I've done.

Although I have my dad, it's not perfect. I practically had to draw him a picture as he wasn't getting what I was trying to tell him. And this was after he's had to deal with it once before, your mum probably didn't know how to handle it.

My brother and sister, the rest of my family refuse to speak to me, have no job, am quite social isolation, disabled, no purpose in my life and am claiming benefits.

But I enjoy the little things and anything else can wait until I'm ready.
Some days my main aim is to wear clean underwear and fed the cats.
If I'm having a properly bad day, I send myself to bed so I can wake up later and try again. Some days I don't get up. I just remind myself it's a chemical imbalance and not a character flaw.

*max*

Depression is a silent killer. That's because a lot of people who are suffering think they are not "ill" per se, so put off going to seek help until it's very bad. People think they aren't worth the bother, they feel guilty for feeling the way they feel. "There are so many people worse off, my troubles aren't important. They're going to laugh at me and tell me to get a grip. I should be ashamed of myself for feeling that way."

Well, that's not how it works. There is help available, and nobody laughs at you, I can guarantee you that. You're not being a burden, or using up time or money that could be better spent elsewhere, because that money and time are SET ASIDE for this area of the health spectrum. Don't think you are not worth it, don't think you'll be bothering anyone or taking resources away from others. The help is there for you to take it.

whitewing

Bright, eccentric, needing answers and anxiety? Asperger's? Definitely see your GP.

Do you have an eating disorder? I'm trying to deduce what you mean about cost to the NHS. I also think that your experiences will be used to help other people so you will give back when you are feeling less distressed.

ME13

WastedLife - You sound as if you are off to bed. So good luck with the surgery tomorrow. PM me at any time.

But you sound just like me! I suffer from crippling self doubt and crises of confidence at times despite knowing I am very able. It's just one of those things. Unfortunately for me, I failed to get help and suffered for it. I would hate for anyone to be in the same position as me. And I can say nothing is as bad as you think it is as I have lived (Although it was touch and go for a long while!)through it so I do know. I hope its helped tonight!

fluffnutter

Monsternextdoor wrote: »

When you say pain what do you mean physical or emotional, If you go to a doctor they will help you with physical pain and if its emotional then you need someone to talk to or talk at.

Doctors help with emotional pain too. Your GP is your first port of call if you feel depressed.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

WastedLife wrote: »

A GP warned me about how much my new medicine cost and even told me the exact price.

That's trying to tell you that they think you are worth it - in a hamfisted, GP type of way

WastedLife wrote: »

They also once told me to rely on myself when I explained how i'd no one.

Other people can't make it all go away - but you can learn to look after yourself.

WastedLife wrote: »

Since Feb i've had 30 medical appointments with more to come so it's easy to feel like i'm a drain with every new test, session with doctor and hospital visit.

So you're a frequent flyer at the hospital, there are a few of us around - I'm personally applying for a loyalty bonus if this goes on for much longer (which it will ). As it is, I get greeted by 'where did you leave your sleeping bag?' at some appointments, where I've been at the hospital every day. And the Phlebotomist says I'll qualify for a loyalty bonus and a share of the department's biscuits if I keep up my attendance at current rates. :rotfl:

WastedLife wrote: »

I'm just tired after waiting so long for life to be ok. Not spectacular or special , just ok.

Emotional instability trapped me from childhood (I know it's all my fault ,mum says I should have asked for help as a child ,an ex partner had harsh words too) so i've waited decades for the day i'm able to join in with the world.

I always had hope in myself but ill physical health ,place i'm living in going wrong and constant bad luck have changed me.
I had to buy ticket for family member to accompany me last week even though they had stolen my money last year and still not paid me back which made me feel even worse about myself.

I just hope today goes ok so I can decide what to do next. Thanks again for the replies

Meh. Everybody does stuff they don't like themselves for. The key is to stop punishing yourself and blaming other people for The Then and concentrating on The Now.

Nobody, doctor, relative, random interwebs poster or yourself, can wave a magic wand and make everything disappear overnight. An OK life is not something you can order from somebody else.

But you can decide to focus your attention upon something else other than 'Life has been Awful and It Will ALWAYS Be That Way'. With the assistance of medications, maybe talking therapies, maybe something else - but it doesn't have to be more complicated than focusing on TODAY and being kinder to yourself TODAY.

Fire_Fox

WastedLife wrote: »

Thank you for the replies. I think The Samaritans do great work but they're not what I was looking for as I suppose I wanted answers when I rang them.

I'm going to decide tomorrow about GP. I fear the stigma and the fact I need answers when realistically none are available now.
MSE has some really kind and helpful members so thanks again.

I hope I don't sound horrible but I worry i'm too sane if anything.
I've read about people who are really il land need help yet they are deemed not at risk and left at home or discharged from A&E.

Last weeek a GP said I was bright and asked about my job.
If my anxiety disappears I suppose I appear switched on and just an eccentric who keeps herself to herself.

I'm not sure what they would say if I was honest.

I'm due small op for physical issue but the aftermath means i'm likely to be left changed forever unless lucky.
I'm starting to think i've cost more than 1million given the bad luck i've had.

I feel guilty because the money could be spent on more worthwhile lives than mine.

Welcome to MSE.

Do you feel you have clinical depression or anxiety or both? Neither of these conditions mean you are insane, twisted negative thinking yes but you don't lose your grip on reality. Many mental health conditions are just exaggerated versions of completely normal behaviours and thought processes - EVERYONE talks to themselves sometimes, EVERYONE gets down, EVERYONE dwells on the past or worries about the future, EVERYONE triple checks when they know they don't need to etc.

What happens in the GP office depends on their personal style and the patient's presentation - they should ask questions to assess how severe your symptoms are, how long you have been suffering, make sure you have primary clinical depression (a stand alone diagnosis) and not secondary (a symptom of) a physical health complaint. They might spend a lot of time just listening.

They should try to assess what triggers there were/ are, whether you would benefit from continuing to work (if you do) or a break, what sort of treatment would suit you best. So the approach to someone suffering work related stress might be different from someone who is recently bereaved.
http://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/Recognising-and-Screening-for-Depression-in-Primary-Care.htm

Diagnosis and treatment doesn't give you all the answers and doesn't make all your problems go away. It does help you cope with the problems you have, be more open minded positive or creative about solutions, not see the negative outcome as the most likely outcome all the time, maybe stop getting stuck in cyclical thought patterns. Sometimes one treatment is a gateway to another, so medication or counselling can help some people get the motivation or confidence to change their lifestyle (diet, physical activity).

"Established in 1948, the object of the NHS was to provide a comprehensive health service to improve the physical and mental health of the people through the prevention, diagnosis and treatment of illness. An introductory booklet [2] said the NHS would "make all the health services available to every man, woman and child in the population, irrespective of their age or where they live, or how much money they have ..."
http://www.nhshistory.net/a_guide_to_the_nhs.htm

"The NHS was created out of the ideal that good healthcare should be available to all, regardless of wealth. When it was launched by the then minister of health, Aneurin Bevan, on July 5 1948, it was based on three core principles:
that it meet the needs of everyone
that it be free at the point of delivery
that it be based on clinical need, not ability to pay
These three principles have guided the development of the NHS over more than 60 years and remain at its core ...

The NHS provides a comprehensive service, available to all irrespective of gender, race, disability, age, sexual orientation, religion or belief

The NHS has a duty to every patient it serves and must respect their human rights. At the same time, it has a wider social duty to promote equality through the services it provides and to pay particular attention to groups or sections of society where improvements in health and life expectancy are not keeping pace with the rest of the population."
http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/thenhs/about/Pages/nhscoreprinciples.aspx