Now and Then - April 8th

Lillibet_2

Eliza252 wrote:

Now: Constantly have to defend my money saving actions to my friends. Why I cant go out to every social occasion. Why I refuse to own more than two pairs of shoes. Why I spend so much time cooking instead of buying conveniance foods. Why I cant indulge in that one more drink at the pub. Why I keep my reciepts and make a list of all my outgoings and income religiously. I am so sick of my friends telling me I am over-reacting and that its normal to have debt. I am even more sick of arguing with everyone about it! Rah! :mad: Rant finished now.

Just beacuse somethign is normal doesn't mean it's right or accetable. Personally I think it is far more unacceptable to have debt & not show any concren than to have debt and actively manage it.
Everyone is different, stick to your guns & you'll sleep better at night, maybe not now but one day, when you're friends can't get the mortgage for the perfect house or even get a bank loan for emergency medical treatment beacuse they don't want to wait in pain for a year for the NHS to treat them, all because thier credit rating is shot to peices.

calleyw

Personally don't tell them what you are doing.

I have about 6 pairs of shoes. Luxury I know. But they are all worn. And just don't hide in the cupboard.

Don't tell them you can't come out because you have no money just say you have another commitment and then say maybe next time. If you can really only afford one or two drinks then go later in the evening. That is what hubby and me did. If everyone meets at 8pm get there at 9.30 or even 10pm. Just say the cat was sick and you had to clean it up etc etc.

Why not invite your friends over for a meal. Get them to bring a bottle. And you can have a really cheap night in and get to see all your friends. That way you can show them why you spend so much time cooking. So you can lovely meals.

It is none of there business how you spend your money or not as the case maybe.

Just live your life the way you want to and forget everyone else. You do what best suits you not them.

My personal take on life is that apart from a mortgage you should not really have debt. I do understand about getting a degree costs big money. But there is really no need to keep buying cars on credit etc. And I do understand there sometimes things go wrong big time.

Example my car recently failed the MOT big time it was 16 years old and I had it 10 of those. We where about to move. And I am not working so I had the car scrapped and now don't have a car. Saves fuel, tax etc. I could have pulled out a cc as mine seem to have rather large limits and gone bought another car or even pulled a few K out of savings. For something that is going to sit on the drive most days it was not worth it to spend the money on it.

But you will find that most people are in debt to have things that are luxurys e.g widescreen tellys (easy way around that one I don't have a telly.)Holidays that they don't remember or even meals out. We now reserve meals out for special occasions e.g birthday etc.

It is each to there own. if they are comfortable being in debt then fine. But tell them you are not and want to be able to sleep at night knowing that you are debt free. Or on your way to being.

Yours

Calley

Eliza252

Hi - Thanks for comments, I honestly didnt realise how much i had over stepped the bounds of what considered 'normal' now-a-days until I started really trying to tackle my debts and cut my expenditure - some of the reactions from my friends were quite shocking! My parents always argued that this generation (I'm in my early twenties) would be the one to break the credit card cycle after seeing all the stress it caused their parents - but I have serious doubts!
Your right of course I just need to convince my friends there is a cheap way to have a social life. New challenge for me!
Am planning meal at my house as advised - slightly hampered by lack of a proper table (city shoe box accommodation), might have to make it morroccon style food... hmm....
will write up a list of good excuses for arriving late/not spending money - not sure pet illness would work though as only have a goldfish, although it does have suicidal tendancies.....
hopefully by next Now/Then might have some MSE converts!

elona

Eliza

A couple of packing cases with a board on top - covered with a tablecloth or sheet - would do as a low table.

Good excuses - friend had problem - late delivery of goods - phone call - electoral canvasser.

Instead of saying you are cutting debt - which will make them feel guilty- say you are saving up for a treat - you are as being out of debt would be the biggest treat you can imagine.:):):)

Queenie

Eliza252 wrote:

Now: Constantly have to defend my money saving actions to my friends. Why I cant go out to every social occasion. Why I refuse to own more than two pairs of shoes. Why I spend so much time cooking instead of buying conveniance foods. Why I cant indulge in that one more drink at the pub. Why I keep my reciepts and make a list of all my outgoings and income religiously. I am so sick of my friends telling me I am over-reacting and that its normal to have debt. I am even more sick of arguing with everyone about it! Rah! :mad: Rant finished now.

But you *can*:- go to every social occasion; own more than 2 pr of shoes; buy convenience foods; indulge in more than one drink!
(IF you want to be shackled to a lifestyle you can't afford!)
You choose not to!! No one is forcing you (although your friends seem to be giving it a good try!)

Freedom of choice is the most empowering things we human being possess.

Anyone can get into debt: far too blinking easy!!

It takes:- (in no particular order)

• courage,
• determination,
• effort,
• awareness,
• organisation,
• integrity,
• self-respect,
• focus,
• strength of will,
• self respect,
• tenacity,
• commitment,
• endurance

and a whole host of other admirable qualities to get out, stay out and/or not be drawn into the media, advertising brainwashing which promotes a "have now pay later" lifestyle and actively feeds the "me, me, I want, it's my right, I must have" attitudes that are crippling individuals, relationships, family and even Society as a whole!!! I won't even begin on the environmental price the future will be forced to pay as a result :mad:


Don't even bother getting involved in an "argument" with them over it - it's not worth it. Smile. Whichever invitation you chose not to except, make no excuse about money, simply state: "Not this time, but thanks for asking. You have a great time and I look forward to hearing all about it." If they press for a reason - well, your reason is quite simple: you choose not to!
Who knows, maybe one day, when they become overwhelmed with their own debt problems, they may well come to you for advice. But until they reach that level of mature thinking, or are prepared to take their heads out of the sand and take responsibility for their own life choices .... only discuss your money saving methods, ways and means with likeminded others who will not try to cajole you into "live now pay later" activities .... Hey! That must be all of US then

((hugs)) I think you are very wise, m'dear! You're conquering peer pressure and that is a toughie!

calleyw

Personally a I think the credit card cycle is getting worse not better.

We now belong to a society where you are valued by how much you earn and what you own. The rise of the media star has done this. I will not name names but you know the ones I am talking about.

They think that if so and so can have XYZ so can they. But they forget the big difference they are on a couple of million a year. So £800 for a handbag is nothing to them. But for someone earning £15K a year. Then it is huge difference. That is about a months worth of wages.

I don't own a telly from choice. And people are amazed when you say that. like you have two heads. But it saves me money no licence and no TV or DVD player to keep upgrading. But I have a DVD player in the puter.

I am happy in my little world. We manage and have a good lifestyle. But our lifestyle just happens not to include going down the pub every friday and saturday night and chugging back large quantites of alcohol. And being £100 poorer come monday morning.

Or buying all the latest gadets.

I do have things that I spend on as I have two rather expensive hobbies. Card making and cross stitch and you can spend a lot of money doing those. At the moment I am getting by with what I have. Which will last a long time. So I am happy.

Do what you want to make youself happy.

Yours

Calley

Queenie

Calley - do you get problems with the TV licensing people? Of all the people in society, they are the *least* likely to truly believe that you have not TV! Even back in the 80's it was considered by them to be a complete falsehood/evasion to state that you had no TV ... laughable, yes; but from experience I know that is how they feel

As a X-stitcher and card maker myself, I can hand on heart say that ... hey! .. it's productive, creative and can even be money saving. Ok, so the materials are not necessarily cheap, but, I've picked up fabulous bargains on aida and threads in Boots Fairs and Charity shops to reduce the price of projects; also, if you make your own cards, the sentiment and love which goes into each and everyone one is beyond price; some people even *make* money at it, but that's not my aim/intention. Oooooh, it's a treat to 'meet' others with a like mind

moggins

Queenie that was one hell of a post:T

Bargain_Rzl

Eliza252 wrote:

will write up a list of good excuses for arriving late/not spending money - not sure pet illness would work though as only have a goldfish, although it does have suicidal tendancies.....

elona wrote:

A couple of packing cases with a board on top - covered with a tablecloth or sheet - would do as a low table.

Or you could just put that board on top of the fish tank... kill two birds (but no fish) with one stone :rotfl:

calleyw

Queenie,

no we have not had probs with the TV people. First few months kept sending letters we kept telling them we had no TV. They then sent someone out.

They got half way up the kitchen and they said that is fine. Think it was the house rabbits that scared them :rotfl: .

Only moved here two weeks ago so shall see what happens.

I do agree per hour for cross stitch it is cheaper than going down the pub. As even large kits that cost £40 take a lot longer than 40 hours to stitch.

I do like making cards and it is nice to give something that you have handcrafted.

I am never lucky at car boots or charity shops.

Yours

Calley