OH refuses to have anything to do with finances

meer53

My first mortgage was 16% too !

marmitepotato

Ok, so why don't you both meet in the middle? You want cheap, she wants expensive, then compromise! It's always worked in our house.

Good luck OP.

Any

Gra76 wrote: »

I don't want to take sole responsibility for the decision on how much we budget when we come to getting a new house, I want her to say something other than "Well if you say we can afford it I'm happy with that".

How do I get her to sit down and talk about money without it turning into a huge arguement? It's not just the mortgage, it's pretty much any large financial decision. Answers on a postcard please!

You say you don't want to to take sole responsibility, but from all you said here you want her to agree with your opinion and that is it. There doesn't seem to be discussion, she thinks one thing and you another - and you are unmovable, so how is that a discussion? And that seems to be on both sides, she does the same.
I think her answer is the only one to give you to make you happy and move on to be honest.

Yes, mortgages were at 17% at one point, but that was many many years ago and very different world. If that was to happen suddenly I think even bankers would be quickly moving out.

I personally think that you are possibly right, mortgages will go up to and perhaps even past 5.5%, but we are talking some years. So I think she is right there. By then you can earn more, come to inheritance, paid off larger capital...

How long term are you talking? How comfortable cushion are you having after monthly payments? If the monthly payments will go reaaaaly up, can you make cuts somewhere else?

We were looking at bigger houses and while on the paper we can afford it no problem, when I realised how much will I have to sacrifice and imagine having a holiday a year less at least for number of years, I decided not to rush!!:rotfl:

At the end of the day, if you will be touching the limit of affordability no one will give you a mortgage nowadays anyway!!

BitterAndTwisted

Actually, it's not absolutely true that she refuses to have anything to do with finances: I'd say that wanting to buy a much more expensive property than you sound comfortable with and refusing to discuss it, and behaving like a petulant child when you try to, is having quite a lot to do with them.

After a health-scare and her working only part-time I'd be minded to ask her how comfortably she might be able to afford that mortgage, or any mortgage at all, on only her own income. Never mind if interest-rates creep up to double figures again. Which they could.

I admire your sense of caution but it might help to keep the peace if you could consider trying to make the figures work by attempting to meet her expectations half way without putting everything you have achieved already at terrible risk.

Errata

Stop humouring her, she's not a child. Ignore her tantrums and take the house off the market. That should concentrate her mind.

Gra76

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, OP. Not something I know anything about, but hope that it is something that they can sort out for you.



Sounds ideal.
Lets have some figures.
Basically, what would be a comfortable amount to pay each month (i.e. what would you top your monthly repayment up to each month with overpayments)?
What would be the maximum you would be able to afford each month if you cut back (i.e. at what monthly repayment level would your lifestyle become compromised)?
What mortgage repayment term are you looking at?

My diagnosis was September last year, I had bi-weekly chemotherapy to fix it and finished that in February this year. So far so good in terms of it not coming back! I'm past it I hope, never to be seen again! *touches wood*

Figures-wise....

We paid nearly £1000 a month (@ 5.5%) on our previous mortgage and I wouldn't want to be paying any more than that at the moment as it didn't leave an awful lot at the end of each month, although the bank balance was still going up.

At the moment I'd be more than comfortable paying £500 a month and overpaying. I'd ideally like to overpay by £300 per month though while the interest rates are so low. So a total of £800 per month including overpayments. I could realistically go higher than that but I want to have plenty of money left every month.

I think we've cut back quite well already but if we cut out absolutely everything I think we could live with paying £1,300 before things got really tight.

The mortgage term would be 25 years.

Gra76

Any wrote: »

You say you don't want to to take sole responsibility, but from all you said here you want her to agree with your opinion and that is it. There doesn't seem to be discussion, she thinks one thing and you another - and you are unmovable, so how is that a discussion? And that seems to be on both sides, she does the same.
I think her answer is the only one to give you to make you happy and move on to be honest.

She hasn't worked anything out figures-wise and by her own admission any talk of money sends her into panic mode. Trust me, I've sat down with her to discuss figures and it doesn't last more than 30 seconds because she doesn't want to know! It's hard to discuss figures with someone that has no interest in discussing them. I even printed a chart off of what we'd have to pay at varying interest rates on houses of certain values and she took one look at it and said she wasn't interested!

Counting_Pennies_2

I would show her news reports of the late 1980s early 1990s and the statistics where people where repossessed.

I know it was extreme then, but interest rates rose from about 7% to 10 - 15 not too dissimilar rise that would happen if ours rose to 5%+

It has happened in the past, and in our generation (I bought a repossessed house when I was 18, I am not 40 yet!)

Errata

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, I think she's behaving like a spoilt brat because she knows she can get away with it. You can't change her behaviour, but if you change yours you may discover she changes hers too.

Gra76

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

I would show her news reports of the late 1980s early 1990s and the statistics where people where repossessed.

I know it was extreme then, but interest rates rose from about 7% to 10 - 15 not too dissimilar rise that would happen if ours rose to 5%+

It has happened in the past, and in our generation (I bought a repossessed house when I was 18, I am not 40 yet!)

I told her to speak to her mum about it but she said she didn't think it was worth it as she couldn't see interest rates going up. I will get her head out of the sand eventually! We're going to see an IFA tomorrow to get a mortgage in principle so I'll raise the subject when we go to see him. See if that helps set her straight!