Any Benefits

simon4amiee

I wish, their family is so obsessed with money it's unreal, during summer I have him for 23 day flat, yet she demands the money for him, for that month. I have had so much hassle it's unbeleivable. And Ive had this before so before all the mother get arty farty, I would have my son full time and quit my job if I could. I used to pay CSA but to be fair it wasn't a lot in their calculations, so the mother cancelled it, and she demanded 300% more saying if I didn't pay it I wouldn't see him. I care for him too much so gave in, a year later she increased it again with threats to me and my wife if I didn't, again it's not my sons fault so I gave in again. Now work this out, she has 3 kids to 3 blokes, she is now married, mon-thurs she will see him before school, then upon picking him up from school, she shoots off to work, by the time she finishes he is in bed, then Fri I pick him up and take him back sunday at 7pm he then goes to bed, where is the quality time, she even gets him to ring my mum if its a holiday and Im at work, she seems fine with the other 2, but because I finished with her, he seems to get the raw deal, I am married also now, and we give him as muxh as we can, take him out, done him a new bedroom to play in, we even took him on our honeymoon because it was when i have him in summer for 3 weeks, not once did the mother ring up to see how he was. He will soon be 6, but although I have gave in to a lot, I have mangaged to spend the bulk of the quality time with him, and that means I get to have more influence in how he is brought up. He's never in new clothes, only ones handed down by a cousin 3 years older, and he looks a mess when I pick him up. If I had the money I give her, he would have new clothes every month. Even that the day I get paid I have to go to the bank early in the morning and drop it off BEFORE i start work at 7.30am, she cannot wait to get it, and cant even wait till lunch. My wife wants to take him fror a break in Scotland, which will be nice, but his own mother has never taken him anywhere in 6 years. This is my moan, pick the bits out, I can only do what i can do until it will be impossible for her to stop him seeing me.

Morglin

She sounds a little charmer..........

To be honest, I would see a solicitor to sort out access rights (to stop her threats), and perhaps find a fairer way of paying for him.

http://www.clsdirect.org.uk/index.jsp

Lin

dawnydee73

Morglin wrote: »

She sounds a little charmer..........

To be honest, I would see a solicitor to sort out access rights (to stop her threats), and perhaps find a fairer way of paying for him.

http://www.clsdirect.org.uk/index.jsp

Lin

I agree, you need some professional advice.

Its really unfair and she should be pleased you are so involved in your sons life. I wish my children's father was more involved like you - he pays the minimum amount he can get away with but works on the side and has them when he hasn't better things to do

tanith

Surely you can't just 'cancel' CSA payments and even if this is correct she legally wouldn't be able to stop the access , get legal advise but the trouble is and it sounds like she is a vindictive person she is then going to make things difficult for your son... would you consider going for full time custody? Its sounds as though you do a major part of the caring already.... of course I know we are only getting your side of the story but it sounds as though you are doing all you can to be a good Dad... well done you....

real1314

The problem is that the parent with care can restrict access even with a court order, simply by - being out / not answering / refusing.

Ok, the "absent" (never liked that term) parent can go back to court, but the court rarely imposes a meaningful sanction, resulting in the pattern of behaviour repeating until the court's tolerance is breached.

A mate of mine works for the courts. He saw a case where the mother (with care) wass ent down for a few days. She'd prevented access for 2 years !!

2 years of a child's life without it's father.

Anyway, fr the OP, and speaking as the grown up cild of divorced parents, all I can say is stick with it, despite all the things that are unfair, as your child will see when they are older that you cared for them and loved them. In the end it's your child that matters most.