What can he do now?

jenhug

He can ask for copies of her school reports etc. he could write to her C/O the school even.

Does his daughter have grandparents he could possibly use to mediate or pass messages on?

coolcait

I've never thought of myself as a numbers person before.

But, when I was reading your post, I found myself thinking:

this is a man who has been out of his daughter's life for far longer than he has been in it.

He only acknowledge the fact that he had fathered a child after his daughter was born.

He gave up trying to have contact with her nine years ago.

Now he wants to bypass all the usual routes for getting contact, and try to poke her on Facebook.

As I said, going by the numbers, he has been out of her life for far longer than he has been in it. Ok, he may regret it now, but it this a case of too little too late?

How and when did he acquire parental responsibility?

princeofpounds

Personally I'm not sure an out of the blue Facebook message is really the most responsible or controlled way of initiating contact frankly. At 15 she is right in the middle of discovering her adult self and You don't know how this could swerve her off-course, around exams and so on.

It's hard to know precisely what has been going on with regard to the legal process but I am surprised he has not been able to enforce judgments. I think this is the first thing to review, perhaps with one of the many support groups out there.

I would also keep evidence of all the attempts to contact her. You are lucky the ripped letters are returned; also keep the access paperwork. Explains where he has been all this time.

Anon14

jenhug wrote: »

He can ask for copies of her school reports etc. he could write to her C/O the school even.

Does his daughter have grandparents he could possibly use to mediate or pass messages on?

He already gets her school report each year and has spoken to her teachers but their hands are tied. His daughter lives with the grandparents who have blocked each and every attempt at contact.

suited-aces

Women like this are subhuman scum.

I would write her a non-critical letter, explain every effort he's made to contact her, and that he would very much like to get to know her, then try to get it into her hands somehow, be it at the school gates or something.

Anon14

princeofpounds wrote: »

Personally I'm not sure an out of the blue Facebook message is really the most responsible or controlled way of initiating contact frankly. At 15 she is right in the middle of discovering her adult self and You don't know how this could swerve her off-course, around exams and so on.

It's hard to know precisely what has been going on with regard to the legal process but I am surprised he has not been able to enforce judgments. I think this is the first thing to review, perhaps with one of the many support groups out there.

I would also keep evidence of all the attempts to contact her. You are lucky the ripped letters are returned; also keep the access paperwork. Explains where he has been all this time.

I'm note sure that the FB thing is the right way to do things either, however, considering that every other form of contact over the years have been blocked he is running out of options.

I'm equally as surprised that the judgements have not been enforced but I have read all the documents he has and I know that he has followed the legal process until he ran out of money. Even when he could not afford Solicitors letters he continued to try and speak to the Mother about contact, sent letters, cards, birthday/xmas presents etc but at every turn she has blocked contact.

He has files and files of evidence and will continue to collect this so that in the future, should she make contact with him, he can show how hard he tried.

Anon14

coolcait wrote: »

I've never thought of myself as a numbers person before.

But, when I was reading your post, I found myself thinking:

this is a man who has been out of his daughter's life for far longer than he has been in it.

He only acknowledge the fact that he had fathered a child after his daughter was born.

He gave up trying to have contact with her nine years ago.

Now he wants to bypass all the usual routes for getting contact, and try to poke her on Facebook.

As I said, going by the numbers, he has been out of her life for far longer than he has been in it. Ok, he may regret it now, but it this a case of too little too late?

How and when did he acquire parental responsibility?

Can I just point out that he didn't give up trying to have contact with her, not at all. He has never stopped. The only thing he stopped was trying to do it through the court process as she absolutely refused to let him have contact even though there was a court order.

He isn't going to "poke" her on Facebook, he was going to send a message, this is after trying every single way he can think of trying to make contact with her over many years.

You may think it's too little too late but he acknowledges he made a mistake and has been paying for it for 15 years. What gives the Mother to right to prevent a relationship between Father and Daughter because of a mistake made 15 years ago?

Anon14

suited-aces wrote: »

Women like this are subhuman scum.

I would write her a non-critical letter, explain every effort he's made to contact her, and that he would very much like to get to know her, then try to get it into her hands somehow, be it at the school gates or something.

I have my own thoughts on her but it's not my place to air these thoughts.

The problem with trying to approach her directly, especially outside of the school, is likely to result in the Mother accusing him of harassment again.

**Patty**

Anon......The Court process is such that unless a penal notice is attached, judgements are very rarely enforced against the mother.

Since you've got about as much chance as a snowball in hell of even getting a penal notice attached, let alone finding a judge that will enforce it....you can see why fathers run out of money when dealing with access cases via the court


it's not morally fair & nor is it right.....but that's how it works out in the real world

Tiglath

When will she be 16? I would definitely leave the ball in her court, as frustrating as it is for him - she may choose to contact him at some point if she wants to, but he should prepare himself for the possibility that she might never want to. In the meantime, he has all the paper records to show her if she ever wants to see them. The mother has behaved despicably and it seems likely that any further attempts by your OH will be blocked/reported for harassment anyway. I feel for him - I tried to contact my father via various means years ago, and I never got a direct response, just a warning to stay away by another family member. I didn't get to meet him or even see a photo. The closest I got was seeing his house on Google Earth! Eventually I got an email from a distant cousin saying he'd died - I posted a virtual rose on the obituary on the local paper website, and that was that. As much as we want something, we have to allow freedom for the other person NOT to want it.