Oh still doesnt get it!

Heffi1

If he thinks you are going to sort it out for him, then he has no need to do anything, you may need to make it very clear that you are not his mother and you cannot dig him out of this mess this time.

It is time for him to grow up and deal with things, you are enabling him to carry on as he likes by taking care of the debt, long term this is not good for you, maybe now is the time to take a long hard look at things.

I come from a military background and my education was disrupted every 2 years for the whole of my education, likewise for both of my children, it did me nor them any harm in changing schools regularly so if that is what you are worried about i would say stop, children are very resiliant and take change quite well. Usually it is the parents who worry about these sorts of things.

Good luck.

chevalier

Right having clarified that this really is half of all expenses, my comments on your SOA are below. Even allowing for the fact that your OH wont wake up to the issues, there are still savings to be made here in order to increase your own savings etc. Just in case.
My comments are in blue.

notanothernewbie wrote: »

SOA looks frightening. The outgoings quoted are for a half of everything, I pay the other half. The mobile phones are for 4 contract phones, 3 for children one for OH. There is no amount inserted for car tax, insurance or maintenance as the car is a lease car.
Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 3
Number of children in household......... 3Any of them old enough to get Saturday work?
Number of cars owned.................... 3Why do you need 3 cars? Sell one and save a bit?
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 2400 I am assuming this is your partners income not yours and his?
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0 and the benefits like child benefit are paid to you?
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 2400
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 452 So your mortgage is nearly 1000 ouch! Is that because part of it is the secured loan?
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 70
Electricity............................. 50100 for gas and electricity is on the high side. Perhaps you can make it a game with the children to remind them to switch things off when they leave rooms? Have you switched providers recently? If not you are probably paying too much.
Gas..................................... 50
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 25
Telephone (land line)................... 23
Mobile phone............................ 50 so this is 100 a month for the phones? Might need to suggest to the kids that once their minutes are gone they are gone....
TV Licence.............................. 6
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 11
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 300 600 for groceries is very high, even with 3 children. Have a look on the money saving old style board for ways of cutting this down. But this will include downshifting brands, meal planning, using up the freezer contents before buying more. And shopping with a list and without the children LOL!
Clothing................................ 50 I take it OH would be adverse to shopping out of his wardrobe for clothes? Is this just for school uniform?
Petrol/diesel........................... 250 If you have a lease car, how come you are paying this much in petrol? 500 a month?
Road tax................................ 0
Car Insurance........................... 0 You have 3 cars and no insurance for any of the cars?
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 10
Other travel............................ 35
Childcare/nursery....................... 120
Other child related expenses............ 25
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 11
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 15
Contents insurance...................... 8
Life assurance ......................... 15
Other insurance......................... 38
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 10
Haircuts................................ 8
Entertainment........................... 50
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 1682

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 138000
Shares and bonds........................ 100
Car(s).................................. 0
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 138100

Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 118000...(452)......4.24
Total secured & HP debts...... 118000....-.........-
Unsecured Debts
Description........Debt......Monthly...APR
Amex (with aci)...............4002......98........0
Cap 1 (with frederick..........15096.....480.......0
Ltsb...............3768......107.......0
ltsb od..................500.......0.........0
ltsb loan..........11800.....288.......0
creation....... ....2916......132.......0
santander...........1373......68........0
rbs.................3844......169.......0
Total unsecured debts43299.....1342......-

So are you paying any interest on this debt? If payments are being made to all of these with no interest on the debt then they are at least being paid off al be it slowly.

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,400
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,682
Available for debt repayments........... 718
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 1,342
Amount short for making debt repayments. -624
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 138,100
Total HP & Secured debt................. -118,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -43,299
Net Assets.............................. -23,199
Created using the SOA calculator at www.stoozing.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using IE browser.

I have now reread your opening post. You mention that the top two debts are in arrears, yet you have an amount against them as the payment. Is this NOT therefore being paid? How far in arrears is he? I would also wonder how much equity is in your house. He maybe just thinks that if he lets them have a charging order on the house, then the debt 'goes away' because it 'will be sorted' when we sell. Perhaps he doesn't realise that charging orders attract an 8% interest rate, so that when you sell there maybe very little equity left..

Whilst these companies 'could' go for this option, they would MUCH rather have money now, rather than wait for you to sell your house. Does he understand that he will already be unable to get any credit and his head in the sand will only make this so much worse?

Are all these debts in his name? If so I would begin to separate out your finances as much as possible. As his bad credit number may well start affecting yours.
good luck, I think you have a very hard road unless like Paul he has a revelation.
chev

notanothernewbie

Many thanks, Chev. Sorry not beenable to post sooner, computer failure!
Eldest child has just got a part time job as a kids football coach, so she will be able to start buying her own toileteries etc. Other 2 are too young yet.
The 3 cars are my OH's lease car, mine, which I need to get to and from works, due to working shifts and eldest DD, who owns and pays for it herself (maybe I should not have included it)
Stated income is OH's only. Child benifit is paid to me and I use it fo school uniforms and school related expenses.
Yes, mortgare is just over £900 per month, due to the re-mortgage.
Gas and elec high but have just changed supplier, and had to change boiler, so opefully some of this will come down.
All mobiles are on contract, 3 are £10 per month OH's is £20. I pay less for mine and DD1 I did not agree with youngest ones having contract phones, OH went ahead hence them boing included in his outgoings.
Yes agree £600 is high, will look at reducing! have got my slow cooker out and will be starting to use it.
Clothes, this is just what he would spend on average. I buy all childrens clothes and uniforms.
My car insurance, tax, and maintenance are paid out of my monies as are DD1's
Interest is being charged on all credit cards, but I don't know at what rate as all the statements come through on line and I can't access them. First 2 are with DCA's so presume no interest will be being charged? These are about 5 months in arrears and both DCA's are "asking" for full amounts.
He hs no clue about charging orders etc. and yes all these debts are just in his name. I managed to clear all mine aver the last 4 years.
Still hoping for a Revalation!!!
1

ladybez

There are still savings to be made within your SOA. £600 for groceries is very high!! Pop over to the old style board for some suggestions about meal planning and batch cooking, harder when already cooking for 6!

Are you paying DD1's car and mobile costs? Is she working, if so can't she pay tham herself?

I would not hold your breath waiting for OH to change, it looks like it is not going to happen.

If you did not wish to leave the house, whih if you have put in as much as you seem to have appears unfair, would you e prepared to ask him to leave? Would you be able to afford to keep the house on on your own.x

notanothernewbie

Thanks Ladybez,
Sorry last post wasn't clear! DD pays all her own motoring costs but I pay her mobile, as she is currently only earing £2.65 per hour (she had the phone before starting tis job).
Have been seriously thinking about asking OH to leave, in theory he would be able to go and live with his Mum.
Yes, I think I would be able to keep the house going without him here.