World is falling apart around me :(

garybarlowsbeard

Yup, relax, feeling down under such circumastances is normal. It won't last forever so try not to get sucked up in it all. It's normal and it will pass, go easy on yourself and good luck.

Bitsy_Beans

I am so sorry to hear about your dad
I agree with the other posters, a month is nothing in terms of dealing with a bereavement. Not to mention his diagnosis and decline happened over such a short time.......that in itself is tough to process. Would you consider some bereavement counselling?
http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

Hugs, be kind to yourself you have a lot on your plate. Seek some support, it's early days xxxx

Fire_Fox

Welcome! How you are feeling can be normal/ 'how life is' AND clinical depression. Please get a firm diagnosis from your doctor, prescription medication is not your only option. You might discuss talking therapies such as counselling, nutrition and physical activity - research suggests exercise is as effective as anti-depressants for mild to moderate depression.

iksbedd

And so it gets worse....

I went to the doctors a few weeks ago and was prescribed anti-ds, but haven't been taking them as I worried about the side-effects (apparently depression can get worse with them)

Consistently since I went back to work, DH has complained about me being late home from work. I work in private sector and am salaried and so work until the job is done so to speak, not a straight 7.5 hours a day. DH has always worked in public sector and works 7.5 hours a day and any overtime he gets back.

I was 20 mins late last night, and he blew his top. I blew mine as I'm sick of the pressure (stay late at work, be home on time at home) and said some things I shouldn't have said (mainly about how we're not a family, everything revolves around his mum - which it does, but that's another story).

Anyway, he stormed out and when he came back he said we'd get Xmas over and then get divorced.

I earn a good wage, but not enough to survive on my own in Surrey with full time childcare. I have no family down here to help out with childcare, no close friends really. Moving back home is an option, but where do you start?

I can't cope with all of this. I wish I could take DD and hide away from the world.

RAS

Hi

Can I suggest that you both need a bit of space. Suggest to your OH that you both go to some sessions with relate to work out if you do want to split and if so what arrangements to make.

Your OH will be paying 15% of his salary as CSA and you may be able to get some beneift support - check https://www.turn2us.org.uk for child tax credit and workign tax credit etc.

Do you have any joint bank accounts or credit cards?

VestanPance

iksbedd wrote: »

When my DH is home, I still look after DD as he is training for a marathon to raise money for cancer.... I end up doing chores/watching mind-numbing tv.

I've ran marathons and know the training can take up some time, but I think you should talk with your partner and try and create some you time each week, even if that's just popping around to a friends for a cuppa and some friendly chat.

Running is a great way to blow off mental stress, so that is probably helping him de-stress. If he has that time to himself, then it's only fair he takes a night to look after your DD and let you get out to de-stress in some way.

I'm sorry for your loss, and having lost both my parents to long illness I know the pain can linger for a good while.

EDIT: Just read the last post. Sounds like you both need to talk things through.

marisco_2

Be really kind to yourself. You have very recently lost your dad, in awful circumstances by what you advised us of. I cant imagine coping with all that you are right now.

I do recognise that when you lose someone so special and who you admired it can make you reflect on where you are at. Nothing in life is permanent, good or bad, it is all just a phase.

You have a tricky time ahead what with caring for your ill MIL. Take regular time out for yourself though to grieve, strengthen and really think about what you want from the future. How far away from her would you be if you did move to the country? Is it really an impossible dream?

Racheldevon

Hi

Some possible avenues of support that don't involve antidepressants that I can understand your reluctance to take include:
- You local sure start children's centre - every community has access to their free services (from antenatal period until child's 5th birthday) - this includes a free counselling services
-Your GP for a referral into your local IAPT service, although there's likely to be a long waiting list for time limited (6 weeks often) CBT based support.
-You could contact your local Cruse Bereavement http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ service for your area and arrange some counselling through their service. There's also useful information on their site which might help you to normalise some of the feelings and experiences you have been throught
-You could google to see what low cost counselling services are available in your area - may charge from £5 per hour and you don't have to be on benefits to self refer and it's ot time limited
-You could ask your GP for a referral into a mindfuless based cogitive therapy course, which is NICE guideline recommended for recurrent/relapsing depression

Just a few ideas, hope that helps

motherofstudents

I'm so sorry to hear of your problems. Sometimes you wonder why all these things happen and doesn't it always seem that it's not just one thing we have to deal with but everything comes at once. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. As everyone has said it is early days and you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel the way you do. Then your husband's bombshell....do you think he is just reacting to all the stress etc or is he serious about ending the marriage ?

You have a lot on your plate at the moment and who wouldn't feel bad in your shoes. Be kind to yourself and be thankful for your child, the good relationship you had with your dad (many people don't have that) and take one day at a time. You will get through this however bleak it feels right now.