Are only Children Lonely?

Bettyboop

Hi All,

I'm just looking for some thoughts and advice really.

My one and only daughter will be turning 4 in August. Lately, I have noticed that she is really lonely. By this I mean she asks me to phone her friends mothers to ask them to bring there kiddies to play or for us to go to them. The problem is that everyone is always busy and I am lucky if I am able to arrange a play date once a month. While I am working she attends a preschool.

It really breaks my heart when she says things like why don't I have a brother or sister to play with? or I want to play with a friend etc...I don't want to be by myself : (.

We go to the park, indoor play areas, the library and playgroups on the days I don't work. At home she has lots of toys to play with and we spend quite a bit of time together.

I have been seperated from my husband for 5 months and she sees her dad every now and then. It's not as regular as it used to be though. Now, I'm not sure what else I can say to her, do with her or help her to not feel lonely. I didn't think for one minute that I would have an only child and in the early days I always thought she would have a brother or sister.

Please share your thoughts and experiences. I love her to bits but I can't help feeling sad because of how she feels.

Thanks for reading.

Bettyboop. x

Horasio

I am an only child and I felt lonely as a child too but everyone I knew with siblings said they couldn't stand them. Because they are related, it isn't automatic they will get on.

In a way, it is good training for adulthood. We tend to be alone when we leave home, unless you get married and you tend find your friends outside the home.

Perhaps taking her to playgroups where she can meet people could help. I often wonder myself if girls notice it more than boys.

My son is also an only child but he was the type that sat in his room tinkering for hours and not need anyone to play with. I took him to nursery to mix with people and I think he enjoyed it, but he also liked his 'alone' time when he got home.

misty

I think it depends on the child - there are downsides and upsides to being an only child. My son is an only child and did recently ask if he could get a little brother - I think possibly because his two best friends have one and they like to be the same. He also asked for a dog and a convertable car! He does like me to play with him and I think sometimes it would have been nice for him to have a sibling but I am grateful to have him.

he doesn't ask for his friends over a lot but as he is now at school and sees them all day and during various activites : football, swimming - endless birthday parties!

I have friends who have a few children and some of them have amazing relationships but others spend all their time squabling and fighting and others who have age/gender gaps which mean they are not interested in the same thing.

You mention seperating recently - do you think your daughter is missing her dad (obviously she is anyway) and perhaps this is her way of making changes? I've not expalained that very well but what I mean is as she is missing your ex - do you think this (wanting a sibling ) is somehow linked?

Bettyboop

Misty I'm not sure about an answer to your question. We squabbled to no end before I moved out with her. Things are really bitter between us (me and the husband), but through all this I just want everything to be okay for her. Thanks.

iwanttosave_2

I was an only child till my teens and wasnt lonely at all, in fact, I would say I was more lonely after I got siblings obviously because my parents didnt have time for me anymore.

I think it might be diffrent if I had siblings from a younger age, but I loved being the only one.

misty

It may well be completely unrelated. I reread your post and see she will be 4 in August and presumably starting school this year? It may be that she is ready for challenge of school. My son is one of the younger ones in his year and I was gutted when he started school but he loved it - maybe only children get more out of school on the social side than children with siblings

Bettyboop

Misty, she will be starting school in September. We have spoken about it a lot and she is excited. She will be 4 on 23 August so I'm sure compared to the majority of the class she will be one of the youngest.

Vashti

My only son is now 17.

Like you, I always saw myself with at least two kids, but with circumstances, (early divorce, ten years on my own, met second hubbie at 38) it was just not meant to be. I always wanted to know what a brother or sister of my precious boy would have looked/turned out like...anyway, my son never mentioned siblings until he was about eight, and then it was just out of curiosity - not sadness. He went to pre school nursery, then school, has loads of friends and was never alone because I always made sure he had a friend back most days. Most parents with more than one kid are happy to let you borrow one for the day!

My only comment now he is 17 would be that he has been a little ....not spoiled.....how do I put this... Just given more attention than if he had had siblings, so he is a little self centred and perhaps not very aware of others feelings. Balanced by confidence and self assuredness though...he has very few hang ups.

I did toy with the idea of a quickie with my ex when he was about five with hindsight, I am glad I didn't.

Any mum that cares enough to have the feelings you have is a Great Mum.

Just enjoy it, don't think 'what if'.

Vashti

PS

You never know what the future will hold for you both either.

You could have a huge family!

Lorian

see http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=355590 for lots of replies.

Bettyboop

Vashti, the future is looking very bleak. I still love my husband but even though we both contributed to the seperation and he was the one who had 2 affairs. He doesn't want to be with me anymore and if it all worked out and he had another affair sometime in the future I don't know what I would do.

For now though I am putting my daughter first. She's the world to me and having custody of her and - I'm trying to get our home back is all I want from him along + Child Support of course but that's it. Thanks.