Child being 'punished' for a choice I made

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

Surely being competitive is a pretty important skill to teach?

Is it a skill? Seems more like a personality trait to me.

There are many many walks of life where being competitive will be a hindrance, we most certainly shouldn't be teaching that competitiveness is always desirable and positive.

Going back to the Olympics, while our athletes obviously have a competitive nature or they wouldn't be there, I much preferred seeing their more humble and team-spirited attitude than the American 'win at all costs or the world ends' approach.

I remember almost getting teary eyed watching Tom Daley celebrate his Bronze while the American who got Silver stomped around and wailed like his mother had died or something.

Fire_Fox

daska wrote: »

Have to say that's not my experience, nor that of various family members scattered around the country i.e. not in the same county let alone the same school. In at least 3 schools out of 8 (I haven't actually had this conversation with all my relations) the policy is that children have to read every book in the reading scheme, in order, to a teacher or helper, even if they start school as very competent readers. The typical excuse is that the school needs to know that they understand all the basics. The effect with at least one of my nieces, who before she started school would read for pleasure, is that her reading has regressed as her interest and enjoyment has been utterly destroyed.

Cripes is that still going on??? I started school being able to read several years ahead of the average for my age group (my mother is a primary teacher). Teacher was told I could read and to what level, was asked to keep my parents informed if there were any problems, that they were on her side. At the end of the first year the teacher informed my mother I could not read. :eek: Apparently they had tried me on 'A is for Apple B is for Bear' stuff, and I refused to cooperate because they were baby books.

jem16

Dunroamin wrote: »

There are fashions in the teaching of reading.

I know - I've been teaching for 35 years. There have been many fashions throughout that time in how to teach a child to read. What hasn't changed though is that Reading at school is not just about reading the words.

We both ended up with degrees in English and a lifelong love of books that has never diminished.

Much of that is down to your character too. Some people love English and all that it entails. Some people love Maths and all it entails. Some love both.

jem16

daska wrote: »

The typical excuse is that the school needs to know that they understand all the basics.

It is important for a teacher to know that a child understands the skills involved with reading - as I said I am not just talking about being able to read the words. Very few exams have pass marks for reading aloud.

I have seem many children who would sit and read large books but whose actual comprehension and inferential skills were very poor. These children were reading mechanically rather than with understanding.

On the opposite side I have also seen many children whose pieces of writing were very impressive, purely down to the amount of reading they did. However these children were also very good with comprehension.

The effect with at least one of my nieces, who before she started school would read for pleasure, is that her reading has regressed as her interest and enjoyment has been utterly destroyed.

I am sorry that this has happened and should not happen. However I would wonder why your niece would still not read books of her own choosing if she really was interested in reading them?

FBaby

Lifeisbutadream wrote: »

Im not worried about my children, I can have concerns about others though cant I?:)

Well your initial post was about your son not being able to attend the gala and your son only.

FBaby

Dunroamin wrote: »

I don't think I've explained myself very well.

There are many young people who just don't understand the concept that the best person will get the job (as an example). They often go through life with a chip on their shoulder because others have been luckier than they have, not understanding the reality of the situation.

You may not have seen this attitude if you and your children are competitive but, honestly, it really isn't uncommon.

I think we are on the same wavelength, it just that to me, it's not an issue of competiveness, but an issue of laziness vs hard working. I totally agree with you that many young people struggle with the concept of reward for hard work, but I don't think you have to be conmpetitive to adhere to this.

When my kids have an exam, I make sure they work hard to prepare for it and tell them that I expect them to do their best, but it wouldn't come to my mind to tell them that I expect them to come at the top ahead of all other pupils. If they do, that's a great achievement, if they don't, but they have still done well to their capabilities, then they should be proud too.

Same wih job interviews. In the end, there could be 5 excellent applicants, still only one will get it, it doesn't mean that the others were bad. Sometimes you can't win everything and it doesn't mean you should think you have failed if you didn't.

Lifeisbutadream

FBaby wrote: »

Well your initial post was about your son not being able to attend the gala and your son only.

So because I started a post about my own son I dont care about anyone else?

The post also didnt mention anything about the fact that I like drinking wine, but I do.

Lifeisbutadream

FBaby wrote: »

I think we are on the same wavelength, it just that to me, it's not an issue of competiveness, but an issue of laziness vs hard working. I totally agree with you that many young people struggle with the concept of reward for hard work, but I don't think you have to be conmpetitive to adhere to this.

When my kids have an exam, I make sure they work hard to prepare for it and tell them that I expect them to do their best, but it wouldn't come to my mind to tell them that I expect them to come at the top ahead of all other pupils. If they do, that's a great achievement, if they don't, but they have still done well to their capabilities, then they should be proud too.

Same wih job interviews. In the end, there could be 5 excellent applicants, still only one will get it, it doesn't mean that the others were bad. Sometimes you can't win everything and it doesn't mean you should think you have failed if you didn't.

Thats not what being competitive is about just because you strive to win, doesnt mean that if you dont you have 'failed'

FBaby

Lifeisbutadream wrote: »

Thats not what being competitive is about just because you strive to win, doesnt mean that if you dont you have 'failed'

It all comes down on how you define competitive, whether it is just about taking part in a competition or whether it involves rivalry and competing for a prize, so if you don't get the prize, in essence you have failed..... If it is the first, I agree with you, but I believe the last sense of the term is the one more commonly referred to.

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

Is it a skill? Seems more like a personality trait to me.

.

Even if it is a personality trait, most people seem to want schools to build a child's confidence and that's certainly down to personality.