Child being 'punished' for a choice I made

daska

jem16 wrote: »

Your last sentence unfortunately typifies the misunderstanding of most parents as to what the teaching of reading is all about. The actual reading of words is only a very small part of the teaching of reading. The majority is about teaching comprehension, prediction, inferential and lower/higher order skills. Some of these skills are only acquired on reaching a certain maturity level but all would never be acquired by simply pointing the child in the direction of the library and telling him/her to get on with it.

I think you will find that most teachers of children just starting school will very quickly find out what a child is capable of and set the work accordingly.

Have to say that's not my experience, nor that of various family members scattered around the country i.e. not in the same county let alone the same school. In at least 3 schools out of 8 (I haven't actually had this conversation with all my relations) the policy is that children have to read every book in the reading scheme, in order, to a teacher or helper, even if they start school as very competent readers. The typical excuse is that the school needs to know that they understand all the basics. The effect with at least one of my nieces, who before she started school would read for pleasure, is that her reading has regressed as her interest and enjoyment has been utterly destroyed.

FBaby

Dunroamin wrote: »

These are the children who will lose out when they're older because nobody's ever helped them to understand that it will be the best person who gets the job, the college place or the apprenticeship.

I really don't believe that the best person is not forceably one who is competitive. There is a difference between being hard working and motivated and being competitive.

I personally believe that such trait as competitiveness is very much one that comes with your genes. It can then be encouraged or not. Some people just don't have it in them to be competitive, however encouraged they are not, and being thrown in a competitive environment can just bring on anxiety and stress.

Many competitive kids, as well as adults, struggle not to express arrogance and that often get in the way of success. Many none competitive people do very well in life through other means. I still believe it is up to parents to decide whether this a trait they want to encourage rather than the education system.

Dunroamin

FBaby wrote: »

I really don't believe that the best person is not forceably one who is competitive. There is a difference between being hard working and motivated and being competitive.

.

I don't think I've explained myself very well.

There are many young people who just don't understand the concept that the best person will get the job (as an example). They often go through life with a chip on their shoulder because others have been luckier than they have, not understanding the reality of the situation.

You may not have seen this attitude if you and your children are competitive but, honestly, it really isn't uncommon.

fedupnow

It's tough being a parent. It's all about balance. Teaching them to be competitive is all part of teaching them confidence. And confidence may well be the deciding factor in getting that job.

But a school has so many different personalities to take into account. It cannot be easy, can it?

My own 'swim' club story is very different. I was pushed as a child but in the end simply wasn't good enough (not swimming - I ran.) My eldest was a fantastic swimmer. The trainers at her club approached me before they spoke to her to ask, 'Would you mind if...' To be honest, I wasn't keen. But I gave her the option, she said, 'Yes.' and her father was chuffed.

Skip forward a year ... I think she was nine. They put her in races against 14/15 year-olds which she had no hope of winning. The reasoning was, 'to push her.' She felt humiliated in front of the crowds and it put her off.

I later heard they were 'testing her ability to lose.' Boy did I get mad. But other parents didn't mind this type of test.

It's the same child with the netball injuries ,,, she could also run pretty fast. She doesn't do any sport any more despite being so good and having so much fun.

We all do what we can for our kids and a lot of that is tainted/influenced by our own upbringing. None of us are perfect and neither are our kids.

Lifeisbutadream

FBaby wrote: »

You are seeming to show no lack of teaching this to your children at home, so I'm not sure why you are worried.

Although I do agree that aiming to win is important, many fail to learn that it isn't important at all costs, and it is often those who fail to achieve in the end because they focus on the end rather than the mean.

Im not worried about my children, I can have concerns about others though cant I?:)

Lifeisbutadream

FBaby wrote: »

Many competitive kids, as well as adults, struggle not to express arrogance and that often get in the way of success. Many none competitive people do very well in life through other means. I still believe it is up to parents to decide whether this a trait they want to encourage rather than the education system.

Neither of my children are arrogant and im not just saying that because I am their mum. I am often congratulated on how polite and well balanced they both are, and yet they both have a huge desire to win at sport.

Valli

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

am I the only one who is shocked that the school are charging for swimming lessons? What next - entrance fee to English classes?

I was under the impression that School Swiiming is part of the National Curriculum and should be free - paid for by the County Council.

Unfortunately I can find no guidance. I shall keep looking.

Mind you the Vallikid's primary was a 2 form entry one; and the school could only take 30 kids to swimming lessons, so they asked the kids and those who said they could swim stayed in school and did PE.

Lifeisbutadream

Valli wrote: »

I was under the impression that School Swiiming is part of the National Curriculum and should be free - paid for by the County Council.

Unfortunately I can find no guidance. I shall keep looking.

As far as I know you get a certain amount of swimming lessons paid for by the state, I think it is just year 3 and 4 and I think it is 10 lessons.

Our school get those lessons free as everyone does, these are 'extra' to the curricular, they have always had the extra lessons in our school, but are now being charged for them.

I found this whilst looking, which is quite interesting:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-18075151

Lifeisbutadream

LOL :

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/8347956/Goggles-banned-at-school-swimming-lessons.html

balletshoes

thats right, my DD's primary school only had one term of swimming lessons, which would have been around 10 or 11 weeks worth, in year 4 I think. They were free.