What to do for neighbours who have lost their daughter?

masonsmum

I lost my 19 year old brother almost 7 years ago now, we live in a small ex-mining village in South West Scotland and its a small community where everyone knows everyone basically.

Even although my parents had just lost a son their house was a hive of activity, people were coming and going all day every day, and neighbours and friends brought food because the last thing we wanted to do was cook, I remember some people bringing some home baking as well which was handy to serve to the visitors and was greatly appreciated.

However I do agree that being there to talk to them is also good advice, even although we had a steady stream of visitors, after my brothers funeral was over it just stopped and I think that was when reality hit home to my parents, especially my mum (as I feel my Dad hid his emotions and tried to be strong)

Its a tough time but so are the weeks/months (even years) afterwards and having someone to talk to would be good.

Errata

Send a card offering sympathy and asking if there's anything practical you can do for them that will help.
Don't take food, chairs, mattresses without being asked - it can be viewed as an insult.

ognum

Offer your sympathy now, make a donation, bake a cake, create a garden on a piece of waste/vergeland in your road now but mostly be there for them in 3 months time when the hassle and bustle has stopped, when others are too busy and they still need to talk.

Most people say the difficult time is after 6 months when people around you think you should have moved on and 'got over it' and don't want to say anything for fear of upsetting you again and in fact they desperately will want to talk about their daughter again and again. be there for them then.