What to do for neighbours who have lost their daughter?

Charliezoo

I was devastated to hear today that a neighbouring family have lost their teenage daughter after an illness. We did not know the family closely but we live in a small, friendly cul de sac and her father spoke to us briefly about it today.

We will take a card over but feel like we would like to do more but we're not sure what would be appropriate. They are a sikh family but are very westernised (they celebrate Christmas etc) if that makes any difference to what is/isn't appropriate in their situation.

Has anyone got any ideas for a nice thing we could do for them to let them know we're thinking about them without being intrusive?

Thank you.

chewynut

How awful for them, especially when it's getting close to Christmas.

Perhaps you & your neighbours could organise a collection to be donated to wherever cared for their daughter?

Charliezoo

chewynut wrote: »

How awful for them, especially when it's getting close to Christmas.

Perhaps you & your neighbours could organise a collection to be donated to wherever cared for their daughter?

That's a lovely idea. I was thinking about a donation but I know very little about where she was cared for and I'm not sure it its appropriate to ask. I'll have a word with other neighbours in case anyone knows.

Thank you for the lovely suggestion.

thefishdude

biggest thing i would say is at least talk to them, having lost my son 20 days after he was born i found lots of people would stay away as did not know what to say we even had a friend pretend they did not see us and walk off as they did not know what to say. so i would say speak to them maybe ask if you can do anything get them something from shops or just offer to lend a hand if they want it.

I_wanna_live_for_free

Definitely. I had friends avoid me after a mc because they didn't know what to say - I was already hurting without friends turning their back.

Just say, if you can't find the words, "I'm struggling to find the words". That way they know. Other than seeing your friend hurrying off or answering a phone that didn't ring...

no-oneknowsme

In the next few days there are most likely going to be a lot of visitors coming into the families home to pay their respects.

What about making up a bag of essentials such as tea bags , sugar , coffee , milk etc and taking it over to the house. Im sure it would be appreciated.

If you wanted to do more then what about making something like a stew or casserole. Im sure neither of the parents feel like cooking or eating at the minute but maybe if there was a meal available and set down infront of them they may just eat something?

hcb42

A card, and a simple chat will be very welcome i am sure. Or something neighbourly like the last lawn mowing of the year, or putting out the bins for them.

I agree with the other posters, my sister died recently, at a young (ish) age, and unexpected, when I went back to work, some of my colleagues were ok to chat, others I knew would rather avoid me as they didnt know what to say. I would have been the same a few years ago, lost both parents since then, and it makes you realise that it's ok to talk.

gibson123

If you are not very close, respect their privacy, keep a respectful distance, send a card and your thoughts and prayers. If you see them in the street, tell them you are sorry for their loss. When I lost some-one close and young, I found it very difficult to deal with people who I did not know well in my space. On reflection I think they were just trying to be kind, but to me it felt like an intrusion. I would have died if some-one had brought me shopping or mowed the lawn, unless they were close friends or family.

barbiedoll

My brother-in-law was a Sikh and when he died, a lot of extended family members came from far and wide for his funeral. If you live in a cul-de-sac, be prepared for lots of cars and visitors coming soon. Something as simple as making parking space available for the visitors will be appreciated, if you and your neighbours have space on your driveways, maybe offer to let their family park there if they need to?

A collection for a donation to a charity or the hospital where their daughter was treated is a lovely gesture and I'm sure that it will be appreciated by the family.

marisco_2

How awful for your poor neighbours. I would put a note in the card and say that you are happy to help them if they need anything.

One of my neighbours suffered an awful loss earlier this year. Several of my neighbours and I made them meals and dropped these off. Another neighbour mowed their front lawn when he was out doing his.

We knocked on their door if we were going off to do a shop in case they needed anything. We weren't intrusive, just a quick knock on the door, saying hello and asking if they needed anything. I think they welcomed some human interaction and to know that we all cared and were concerned for them

When you see them around make the effort to say hello and talk to them. Bereavement can make people feel very isolated and lots of people dont know what to say or do.

Sally_A

I agree with offering to fetch bits and bobs from the shop, this is not intrusive, and they may be dreading the hustle and bustle of a big supermarket.

If they have family descending, offer spare crockery, cutlery, chairs and tables, blow up mattresses, pillows and sleeping bags/quilts.

Letting them know you ready to help is a lovely thing to do.