money causing real problems with OH

fawd1

Basically, I was never very good with money whilst studying, but now that I have been working for over a year, I have really gotten a hold of my finances. Direct debits to everyone, etc etc. However, my partner and I have just moved in together and he is worse with money than I ever was, despite having lived alone and worked since he was 16. Anyway, the result is that I am currently paying for my half of the rent, all of the household bills, the car bills and any food that needs to be bought, leaving me with next to nothing each month. When I ask him for money he does give me it, but he always runs out of money by the middle of the month, despite earning a few hundred quid per month more than me. I've tried budgeting with him, telling him how much we have to spend each month, but it doesn't ever seem to dent. The real problem is that because I pay for everything, I run out of cash quickly, and he can't give me any because his has gone (who knows where). Then, just to pay for food and petrol, I'm finding myself having to take out those horrible payday loans because no on, and I mean no one, will loan him any money to cover his expenses till the end of the month. Sorry this is long, but fundamentally, any advice please?

skylight

Stop giving him ANY money.

Take his bill share at his payday for the month and be strict. You have to stop bailing him out or he will never learn.

tanith

I agree with Charlotte, work out also how much you spend on food and then get his share of this also at the beginning of the month. He is living on your good will and if you don't stop it he will carry on doing whatever he does with his 'spare' money knowing you will cover him.....eventually you will get yourself into debt also.... so be firm but fair and tell him that you only want him to pay his fair share....

sanfrancisco

Does he have debts? Gambling problem? The money must be going somewhere??? You need to find out.

1sttimer_2

Charlotte664 is right fawd1 - when you both get your salaries take out an agreed amount and put in either a separate account or in a locked tin and use ONLY that for your groceries etc. When it's gone, it's gone and you shouldn't top it up but look at where it's been spent and then cut down on other things. If he keeps on spending all of his money, and you use yours, then he'll never have an incentive to save/pay his way. if you find he's taken some out that you've not agreed upon and spent it leaving you short for essentials, then don't put your money towards anything he needs.

It will be hard at the beginning, but it should work out after a month or so. If it doesn't then I would be thinking along the lines of renaming yourself muggins.

Sorry but good luck!

Mizz_Pink

Is it your house and he has moved in ? Whats the set up ? I think that you should have a joint account for bills and you each put half mortgage/rent, half utility, sky, ins etc etc into it. Then your own accounts have whats left which is your own money for the rest of the month. If you share a car then half towards the running costs too.

If you didnt trust him not to take money out of this bills account then have it in your name only.

I also agree with the other posters try not to give him any money. Does he admit that he is bad with managing his cash ?

You cant get into debt or have poor credit rating because of him.

I hope you sort it soon.

fawd1

It's a house that we rented together a few months ago. You're right in regards to sharing the bills, and that's always been the idea, the problem comes down to him wanting to pay me his share in bits and bobs, or saying that he spent an equal amount on food. which is true, but he'll spend 100 quid on some duck and pate, stilton etc, which won't go far, whereas I spend the money on milk, pasta, coffee etc. just seems like he wants the luxuries in life, but doesn't have the wages for it. difficult to say no though because what can I do, eat and not cook for him if his share of money has run out? I know I ought to be more firm and will definitely instigate that starting now, just wanted to say though, he's wonderful in every other way, very romantic, thoughtful etc, just rubbish with cash.

joey_2

I agree with those who said take his money off him at the beginning of the month and I speak from experience because this is what I now do with my oh and have been doing since November. That was when I discovered he had got us into massive debts and we also nearly lost the house, this had all been kept from me not from malice but because he is just money-stupid - he would ignore the bills and charges would build up every month. I had to give him an ultimatum - get his money paid into my account, let me handle EVERYTHING and I will eventually when there is any money left at the end of the month give him some back. He now says he's really grateful I did this, he sees how I'm getting everything back on track and knows he wouldn't be able to do it himself.

sorry for rambling!!!

ailuro2

I agree- set up the direct debits for the day after you get paid, and make sure he pays his share.


fifty fifty is fair enough if you can afford it.

Doesn't sound like the type of person you'd want to share a joint account with though until he grows up a bit,financially speaking.

Is he open about where his money is going? If he goes on the defensive then I'd be suspicious about any potential problems...;)

Psykicpup

Mizz_Pink wrote: »

Is it your house and he has moved in ? Whats the set up ? I think that you should have a joint account for bills and you each put half mortgage/rent, half utility, sky, ins etc etc into it. Then your own accounts have whats left which is your own money for the rest of the month. If you share a car then half towards the running costs too.

If you didnt trust him not to take money out of this bills account then have it in your name only.

I also agree with the other posters try not to give him any money. Does he admit that he is bad with managing his cash ?

You cant get into debt or have poor credit rating because of him.

I hope you sort it soon.

DO NOT TAKE OUT A JOINT ACCOUNT
this links you to a person financially ...ie it lowers your credit rating to his....you say he cant get even a payday loan...

Sit him down with copies of all bills/ bank statments - showing the outgoings & split them 50/50 - insist this is tranfered directly from his acc to yours (bills are paid from your acc i assume) on payday. Any money he has left after that is his! to spend/waste as he wishes...

ellat257

Take his money off him for his part of the bills as soon as he gets paid.

Try to stay financially separate. My other half was just the same but I didn't seen things coming until too late. Tried to cancel an expensive holiday but after literally 3 months of rowing over it we went. Came back to find LOADS of unpaid DDs and bills. It got worse. His parents had been in when the phone rang and had heard the messages. It has taken 4 years to get anywhere near financially stable but credit rating is hell. Nobody will touch us now. I have his credit card, bank cards and salary. If he wants ANYTHING he has to ask. The only trouble is he likes it now and all his friends ask ME can he go out!