bullying in school

warmhands.coldheart

Indo77 wrote: »

I remember such teachers who were pretty much thugs who beat up children.

This teacher was a little woman and I think it was her only way of controlling the class

Mistral001

Bullies are all over the place. I have been bullied as an adult in the past and I found that I just had to develop techniques to deal with it. I found one person whose MO was to give me a telling off and be verbally abusive only when they got me alone. They were as nice as could be when others were about. I changed that by avoiding being alone with them. It worked. That is just an example.

newtownabbey_mum

Thanks to everyone that replied. its quite complicated but basically my child is in 3rd year. around march last year she had a fallout with her best friend and everything just fell apart for her. there have been several specific incidents within school, pushed and shoved in corridor, vicious text rumours re my child, constantly excluded, chewing gum in her hair, intimidation etc. i have been to the school several times and taken this as far as the principle and got the welfare officer inv. i have also been to the parents advice centre numerous times. The school have just brushed everything aside and keep saying there is no proof etc when there has been proof the person inv has been given a 30 min detention. i was actually told by the head of year that the text rumour that the whole year were talking about could not be investigated as in her words she "didnt want to open a can of worms" i was disgusted and still am. my daughter has no frineds at school, no one speaks to her and no one will include her in anything and it is breaking my heart. I have applied for other schools but am told they are full to capacity. the welfare officer says that she can only help if my childs stops going to school but then im told by other schools that wont consider her for another school if her attendance is poor. there was an incident last week and i phoned the school on friday and was told by the head of year that she couldnt deal with it as it was Prize day!! I dont want to put her into a secondary school as she has worked hard to gain a place at a grammar school but i can see no end to this and it is effecting everything. im also a single mother so i have virt no support and ma finding it very hard to deal with, thanks to everyone that replied.

newtownabbey_mum

wotnoshoeseh wrote: »

Wow.
Just had the same experience.
I'm about to take him out of the grammar school and put him into a secondary school.

Parents are in a stronger position than they realize. Every child is worth ~£4000 for each school, per year, so if you want/need to take him out you should find that there will be a few schools who will be willing to accept your son.

Good Luck!

Very interested in your post. Any chance you could maybe give me some more details reagrding your situation? thanks

newtownabbey_mum

dizzyg wrote: »

Just to add, things had reached the stage with my daughter where the kids responsible for the bullying were formally cautioned by the police and the school were still avoiding dealing with it.

I am shocked to read this. Can we disclose the schools on this thread????

dizzyg_2

I would love to but unfortunately as my daughter still attends said school I really shouldn't.

I know how you're feeling OP (also a single parent) and dealing with things on your own makes it a lot harder as all responsibility ends with you.

In my case it was facebook comments that alerted me to what was going on. Very paticular threats were made and when taking copies to the school they said it was out of their hands, despite the threats all being related to what would happen to my daughter if she went to school.

Kept her at home for over a month trying to get the school to take it seriously. Was basically told my daughter brought it on herself because she didn't try and fit in more!!! As a parent I am quite happy that she doesn't wear fake tan and a couple of inches of make up to school. Nothing would make me happier than to move schools, I have lost all confidence in the staff but I can't punish my daughter when she was the victim.

OP don't rule out secondary education. Your daughter could excel in the right environment, grammar or not. Having her safe and happy at school is the most important thing.

mezza101

cant post a link yet but here's the northern ireland anti bullying forum web address niabf.org.uk/hope it helps

wanchai_2

My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I was bullied horribly at school and it is a terrible thing to endure. Do keep at it, involve the BoG and the police, even your local MLAs. Be as vocal as possible until something is done. Bullies thrive on silence and secrecy.

Thinking about you both xx

newtownabbey_mum

dizzyg wrote: »

I would love to but unfortunately as my daughter still attends said school I really shouldn't.

I know how you're feeling OP (also a single parent) and dealing with things on your own makes it a lot harder as all responsibility ends with you.

In my case it was facebook comments that alerted me to what was going on. Very paticular threats were made and when taking copies to the school they said it was out of their hands, despite the threats all being related to what would happen to my daughter if she went to school.

Kept her at home for over a month trying to get the school to take it seriously. Was basically told my daughter brought it on herself because she didn't try and fit in more!!! As a parent I am quite happy that she doesn't wear fake tan and a couple of inches of make up to school. Nothing would make me happier than to move schools, I have lost all confidence in the staff but I can't punish my daughter when she was the victim.

OP don't rule out secondary education. Your daughter could excel in the right environment, grammar or not. Having her safe and happy at school is the most important thing.

That sounds like what i have been told, that my daughter should make more of an effort etc she is shy and any confidence that she had has been crushed by the school. basically the school are saying becasue she is not 13 going on 30 thats why she is not fitting in. i have lost all confidence in the school as well

fantastiyk

All of my children were bullied at school at different times in their school years. They didn't all attend the same schools. We did different things with each of them. And either staying or leaving didn't always fix the problem. Our youngest was bullied a few years ago - aged 12 -13 because she refused to join in with bullying of another pupil. Her life was made hell for months. Eventually I brought her phone to school with evidence of bullying on it. When school got involved things escalated. Pupils who had nothing to do with it even got involved. My daughter was ostracised by most pupils even from other classes and years - but not the boys in her class. She would have been shy with boys before that but they were the ones who stuck by her and some of them had been pointing out to her for some time that they thought that some of the girls were bullying her. This happened near the end of summer term. She went back to school that September. Most of the girls in her class avoided her. No one ever asked her what happened until a full school year later. The main bully had been removed from the school by her parents.


What helped her in the end was that we took her to two different therapies - Bodytalk and EFT with Matrix Reimprinting. The bodytalk therapist introduced us to the second therapy. There are therapists in Body talk around NI. The EFT with Matrix Reimprinting was done by skype with a therapist in England.


These therapies while expensive were the best thing we ever did for her. She doesn't care what others think any more. She is really gifted and gets on with her life. She doesn't use facebook as she was bullied via it and she says she doesn't miss it. She has a mobile but doesn't use it much as she was bullied by it.

She was a lively, happy earnest little girl who became terrified of the dark as she had been getting texts in the middle of the night. She cried so much when she would talk about it and when the backlash came from other pupils she blamed me for betraying her trust and taking her phone into school. I took her for her first bodytalk appointment as I felt our relationship had changed forever and I was lost as to how to get it back. We both ended up having appointments in both therapies. She is now more content in herself and achieves a lot. Sometimes I think she does this to give herself a focus in life. She has a lot of focus now. She isn't yet as easygoing as she used to be. She became quite obsessive about how neat things should be when she was being bullied. That has gone. She has grown up a lot and is much more mature than her age group. She always was. She's glad now things worked out as they did. She doesn't waste her time with people at school who treated her badly. She spends her time with a few people. She has had a few situations since where people have tried to bully her but she stands her ground early on and removes herself from their company pretty quick. Bullies do try to be persistent though. There was one girl she had quite a bit of standing her ground to do when she was dealing with. It was like they had decided she would be an easy target because they knew it had happened before. But she has come through it. One girl apologised to her for her part in it. But when you think that at least 50 to 60 people got involved it's not a big number apologising. they all seemed to think they had the right. And she hadn't done anything other than refuse to take part in bullying.
She learnt from the EFT and Matrix Reimprinting that she was always sore on herself and she just attracted people who would mirror that for her. She likes herself more now. And she has fun again. So life is a lot better for her.

I don't have answers in the best way to handle what is going on at school for any of you who have kids being bullied. I know for us the best way out of all the different options we took with each of our kids was what we did with her. We strengthened her to help her deal with the aftermath of what happened. I think it would have been of even greater help if we could have done it when the bullying was going on.
I feel for you all. I wish we lived in a society where this didn't happen.