Need a listening Ear

yummymummyof2

i am a member on here and have been for years. but i have registered under a diff name as some of my neighbours use this site and i don't what them to know who i am if u get my drift.

anyway not really sure where to start but i really need to chat. well i do and i don't. i am feeling so bored today. but also so lonely. but i feel guilty because i shouldn't. have a fab hubby , 2 fab children and we have no money worries and have a fab home. yet today i am feeling sooooo tearful. i wanna go out , but car waiting for a part so can't use it till it comes. also don't have anythhing to go. could walk to town but thats unfair on kids to go shopping . and tbh i don't have the energy.i have done all the cleaning in the house , washing on the line , bed's all made and bathroom cleaned etc. but sometimes i think the kids wouldn't notice is beds not made. they are 3 and 2. and hubby don't care if bathroom clean. but for me i like to know it all clean and tidy. i feel like i spend the whole time seeing to everyone else. not that i mind as i like to make others feel special.

but today i just feel so lonely. once i'd given kids there lunch i just sat in dining room with a glass of cola. prob feeling sorry for myself. but i just thought i wish i had someone to talk to. now yes i can talk to my hubby and he always asks me to share things with him. but i need girly chat if u get my drift.i have loads of people i know. but no one that i feel close enough to. i have a wonderful ability to make everything think i don't have care in the world. but i don't even have anyone close enough to even really invite round for a cuppa. which seems odd as i've lived in the same commnity all my life. yes i got mates, but not one true friend (apart from hubby, but thats different). but alot of the people where i live used to bully me when i was younger so it still feels weird. but i always say hello if i see them at school. as i refuse to appear to be the rude one. if that makes sence.

but today the loneiness has really got to me. i keep thinking maybe i should get a job. not for the money but for something outside of the family to do. but childcare would be difficult( looked into it before) and if i work an evening i'll not there to put kids to bed or do the dinner.yet i don't really have any confidance to get a job i don't think. i've not worked in 4 years since becoming a mummy.

is it odd that i got no real friends ? i often see other mums with loads of friends and always going out doing stuff. but i always seem to be the odd one out and always have done.i not ugly or odd looking. i just normal. maybe a little bit fatter that i should be(size 16) but it don't worry me.i spend so much time cooking and baking. but i have no one to share this with. not the eating part. but no one to share talking about recipes.some of the mates i do have think cooking a meal is just opening a packet of smiley faces and pizza fingers.

i do feel so silly writting this. still feel really lonely and a bit pathetic now tbh. but if i dont have anyone to chat to it certainly feel's better writing it down.

daphne_descends

A lot of that is as though I could have written it.

Sometimes I feel completely separate from the rest of the world, insignificant and isolated. I think we all do now and then.

I am pregnant with my first and I do wonder what adult contact I'm going to have when I'm on maternity leave. Fell out with most of my friends - as we got older I became the odd one out more and more, not into anything that they were, and ended up on my own really. I have acquaintances, people I say hi to but no one I'd call for a long chat about nothing or invite over for no reason at all. It's so hard to make friends, where do you meet people?!

So I'm worried about having no one to talk to, but now I'm at work and hate it, no one here to chat with and can't wait for it to be over!

Sometimes it's like everything is wrong when nothing is really wrong. You're not silly at all for feeling how you do and it is NOT pathetic.

Welshlassie

Hi
I really feel for you. I can understand where you are coming from although I've never been in your situation.

Are there any toddler type groups you could take the kids to so you have a chance to make new friends with other mums in similar positions? What about having a look at an exercise class at your local leisure centre, they are likely to have creche facilities. The exercise would be something for yourself and if would also give you the chance to meet other women who make become friends.

Do you have any family, sister, mum close or even DH family that you could talk to. Maybe have a chat with your hubby about you having a night out with the girls (it could become a regular thing) while he baby sits. It doesn't have to be a wild late one, just a change of scenery for a hours. You must have a few people you know well enough to ask out for a drink even if they aren't what you would call friends at the moment, going out for a drink everyso often with them could develop into a friendship. What about hubbies friends, do they have partners you could meet up with??

I hope you find what you are looking for, but be reassured you are not the only one that feels like this at some point. If you mood isn't improving it may be worth you having a chat with your GP (if they are of a sympathetic nature), getting it out in the open to someone other than your hubby may also help. Chin up

love_lifer

i work and i think that can help us all keep loneliness and poverty at bay. plus it keep your mind active and off the sh*tty stuff. you dont need to work full time either.
or consider voluntary work. the first time you go to something new is the hardest but a great sense of achievemnt. and if you dont like it, you dont go back.
the more you get out, the more your confidence will grow. get out there and enjoy- its a wonderful world (sometimes). best of luck

yummymummyof2

i have family that live in my road and a couple roads away. have loads of family around and do go to parent and toddlers. but i just don't ever get close enough to someone to talk about stuff like this. maybe because i hate feeling a burden. i am always the happy bubbly one, the one no one needs to worry about cause i am so independant. i have the perfect life . the type of person that other wish there life was like it if u get my drift. so that's why i feel so guilty for feeling like this.

my hubby wouldn't think twice about having the kids for me to go out. but i just don't know anyone well enough to go out with.

i feel like i am in a crowded room sometimes full of people but there is no one there if u see what i mean.

Philip624

big hugs to you yummymummy, youre not the only one, lots of people feel like you do. i think as has been suggested get yourself to clubs etc with the kids and force yourself to be more outgoing, if you see your kids getting on well with some others why not suggest to their mum that they come to yours to play in the garden. kids are usually a good ice-breaker. why not post on here and try to set up a local meet in a pub, theres so many members on this site im sure there must be loads near where you live. dont hit me for this you siad you may be a little overweight, why not try a slimming club, not to lose weight, size 16 looks fabulous in my eyes but for the social side of things.

moozikgal

Hi YM,

Sorry to hear you are a bit down at the mo. All of us get like this at some point and really wish we had someone to natter to. Where abouts are you in the UK? I might know of some websites which have local mums on them who you can chat to and are in the same situation.

My little boy is 9 months now and i felt like that too sometimes. I got myself involved in a post natal group and have made a few friends. One who i see quite often and we have a good chat and a cuppa.

Im normally online and quite happy to chat on MSN if you do need a rant and a chat to someone who doesnt know you. PM me if you would like my msn address. If you are close to me, (lancs) im trying to set up a mums group too, you might have seen my post. You are welcome to come along too

Take care
Vickyx

Janepig

It's so hard to make friends with other mums because sometimes they can appear so cliquey - I'm struggling with DD's school clique at the moment. But I'm not too bothered because I work three days a week and my work colleagues are also my friends and they are the people I socialise with (when I socialise!!).

Today is one of my days home with the children and having no imagination or maternal skills, or housewifing skills makes things very difficult!!! DH on the other hand would love to be home and really makes the most of it when he does - unfortunately he earns more than me!!!

Hopefully today is just one of those down days and things will start to look up soon.

<<<hugs>>>

Jxx

Philip624

another thought, how long before your eldest starts nursery, if they have a birthday in term time why not invite their classmates to a party at a soft play place, could be pricey but im sure theyll be tips on here about that, would be a great way to get to know the other mums.

Sus1e

I'm kind of in the same boat but not with Kids.

I moved to Derby to be with my now Hubby and work in B'ham. Most of my work friends live in Brum so I don't get to see them at the weekend. I have been living in Derby for over 3 years now and am only just starting to make friends via a slimming club I joined in mid Jan. I can't say that I have friends now, but having people to talk to once a week and an activity that is just for me really helps.

I need to find a way to meet people as well, but think that the best thing for me to do is to move jobs so that I can meet people in the local area.

Sometimes you just have to have some time to yourself away from family to relax.

Zara33

OP i would imagine that there are many, many people who can identify with your post.

Chin up chick there's always plenty to have a gossip with here on MSE, and i know it's not quiet the same but many of us feel the same.