Help - My Brother's 15 yo kid is in some trouble

pension-newbie

So guys first note - please be sympathetic I am sharing this thread with my brother and he is at his wits end as it is without the "its only a bit of healthy banter" type of critic.

Second note "long story then a couple of questions"

To set the scene he and his OH are your typical hard working family with the kids being lovely nephews and neices for ages. My brother and his OH adopted three siblings from an early age (4, 2, 1) - this was nearly 15 years ago. They have been great parents but just recently the youngest (now in year 10 so aged 15) with severe ADHD has been playing up big time.

* staying out till dawn with the police looking for him
* hanging out with young adults 20 year olds drink/drugs
* missing school frequently even if delivered to the door

That was traumatic but a status quo and accommodation with the school had been reached and was working. However in the last month its gone downhill from that

* has been permanently excluded from school for shouting at a deputy head
* has been nicked for being a passenger in a stolen car which caused minor damage
* had a complete tantrum/breakdown in the cell in which he hurt himself quite badly

So, finally - some questions as to where to go

* Clearly some specialist help is required, but they have been trying for 2 years to get him statemented to recieve additional help - but no budget/no interest so no progress. Now he has been excluded he can't be statemented so can't get help. So who should they see
* is he likely on the facts above to be charged/sent to prison and what can be done to avoid that
* there is evidence of mental disturbance/lack of memory during this and advice on how to deal with this
* any other observations as to help they could ask for

Happy to receive PM's or links

Riversong

No advice but a big *hug* for you and your brother.xx

couponqueen123

have you tried asking the foster people (i mean the place they foster from they must have suport networks?
also try doctors they might be able to refure you to a specialist worth a try ?

i know this had prob been done but have you asked why this behave has started?
told him what effects its having if hes 15 is old enough to know and listen

marisco_2

Im sorry to hear of what a tough time you are all going through right now. My gut reaction to your post is that you need to contact a solicitor and ask for their advice. Im not convinced that anyone on a money saving forum is really qualified to guide you through this. No professional in the legal system would advise over an open forum.

pension-newbie

couponqueen123 wrote: »

have you tried asking the foster people (i mean the place they foster from they must have suport networks?
also try doctors they might be able to refure you to a specialist worth a try ?

i know this had prob been done but have you asked why this behave has started?
told him what effects its having if hes 15 is old enough to know and listen

The problem is just the boy must be doing something all the time with no fear/understanding of consequences (though they have been explained to him ad nauseam)

pension-newbie

marisco wrote: »

Im sorry to hear of what a tough time you are all going through right now. My gut reaction to your post is that you need to contact a solicitor and ask for their advice. Im not convinced that anyone on a money saving forum is really qualified to guide you through this. No professional in the legal system would advise over an open forum.

Yes your right the arrested bit is probably inappropriate for a forum, its just I know a few ex coppers hang around.

We are really more interested in help with the social welfare system I was after. I will tell him to check his insurance / friends network for someone who can offer advice

meritaten

I would say you need legal advice too. But, its a first offence (Yes?) and he is still under sixteen and is ADHD. I doubt very much that a custodial sentence will be imposed. That would be extremely harsh!

I also have to say that exclusion from school for 'shouting' at a teacher is rather harsh too........can the school not cope with him? and as he is under sixteen the local education authority should be making other arrangements for his education! considering with his condition he comes under 'Special Needs'!

meritaten

pension-newbie wrote: »

The problem is just the boy must be doing something all the time with no fear/understanding of consequences (though they have been explained to him ad nauseam)

But - that is the nature of people with ADHD! Impulsive behaviour with no thoughts to consequences! He is probably still wondering why his school have chucked him out!

aliasojo

I feel sorry for both the parents and the kid. A lot of adults who get themselves into trouble with the law have isssues such as ADHD, it's very much a problem if it's either undiagnosed or uncontrolled.

I can't advise on the legalities but I hope you can get help or advice from others.

Is the lad on any medication?

pension-newbie

Thank you all - I know its hard to get to the right answer without the details, but I see rays of light in what you are posting

meritaten

many people only focus on the Attention Deficit part or the Hyperactivy part of ADHD - together they make up a very unstable personality - one not easily understood by the average person. If you said the lad was Aspergers or Autistic then most people would make allowances - for some reason ADHD isnt seen the same way - yet people with it can be very borderline with those conditions. its seen as 'lesser' and some people think that its just an excuse for bad behaviour without realising that people afflicted with this have real mental issues! They just do not 'think' (to put it simply) the way most people do! They are often seen as 'immature' or 'rude' or 'antisocia'l - when they are struggling to understand societies rules. This society often feels like an alien world to them - they do not understand the subleties of rules and it confuses them.......I could go on and on and on .........but, unless you know someone with ADHD or Aspergers or Autism its very hard to understand thier thought processes.

So OP - if you do seek legal advice please print out some explanations of ADHD for them. It isnt an excuse for their behaviour - just an explanation!