All over the place and really need an action plan!

Mivvylivvy31

ahhh Thanks scruff, that's really helpful, I think I might just do that. And I'm exactly the same with good writing days and bad writing days. I'm trying to catch up on the reading. Starting the assignment is the worst bit, once I'm actually into the main body of writing, I get on a lot better, but getting there is no easy task!!

Ladybird.

Morning sickness really is the work of the devil, hope it eases up soon for you

There are 17 months between my two children (who are now 4, and 2) so I know a little of what it can be like! Small age gaps are nice though, I am just beginning to see glimmers of my two starting to play together properly... in between the fighting

Take each day as it comes! When mine were younger I found doing housework in rooms that the baby was busy in helped- giving the bathroom a once over while I watched them splash about in the bath, sorting the kitchen surfaces and washing up while they ate at the table (baby led weaning and finger foods in general are great for keeping a baby entertained in their high chair long enough to get a few kitchen jobs done while you keep an eye on them I found).

Take care of yourself!

Mivvylivvy31

Thank you ladybird! That really gives me some hope, that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You're right you know, I really could clean the bathroom whilst the babe is in the bath. Unfortunately I spoon feed his meals apart from lunch. But then there is nothing stopping me doing bits then, mind you that's usually when I make my lunch, I'll just have to be quicker about it.

Thank you I'm really liking writing on here, everyone is so lovely xx

Mivvylivvy31

ok..... I have written a tenth of my assingment!! 200 words done, 1800 more to go!

Mivvylivvy31

Just having a little breather, actually feel well enough to eat something, have written 542 words so far, its mostly rubbish and I'll end up reworking it and deleting most of it but atleast it is a start MIL is downstairs with a sleeping bubs. Still trying to hide my pregnancy until the scan but it really is getting increasingly difficult with a huge bump protrouding and being sick! But we've got our date through for the scan, which is good in a way as OH will actually be home for it but it falls on babes birthday, mind you I guess it will be a little adventure for him to see his new brother or sister

In between writing my assignment have been thinking about my finances and things really don't look good.

In total I have £270 outstanding which I know is a very small amount to a lot of people, and I'm sure many will stop reading here and say "Pah is that all she has to worry about!" but to me with my £50 a month it is pretty huge, and will only escalate as the year goes on. (also these are just my debts, going into OH's huge £30k overdraft is a completely different story!) especially as I worked out that if I pay off £30 a month which is a bit of a longshot as I can't really live off £20 a month, it would still take me 9 months to clear but there is Christmas and OH's birthday in between those times. And unfortunately, we go mad £500-£600 later for each, but I've told OH I'm going to have to reign it in this year, but I know we'll still end up spending £300 on each, so even if I can get my debts paid off in 9 months, I'm still going to end up £600 down due to christmas and birthdays...... So really I need to make £600 sharpish! I know, I know we could spend less on eachother, but we live for Christmas and birthdays and we make them into a massive event as OH is away so much.

So how to make £600 by may, which is when the new babe is due, and don't want any outstanding debts as there is no way I'll have the time to think of ways to make extra money with 2 little ones running around.

And brreeeaaathhh, sorry turned into a bit of an epic post!!

Ladybird.

A little bit of tough love from me I'm afraid...

If you have £50 a month and outstanding debt to pay, and your OH owes £30k then, quite simply, you can not afford to spend £500-£600 on gifts for each other. You can't afford it. You can make a big deal of a birthday and make it really special and memorable without spending a lot, honestly!

I am struggling to get my head around your situation- your £260 of debt is a mere drop in the ocean compared with your OH's debt, yet you don't seem to class the £30k as your concern? I would suggest doing an SOA to see if people on here could suggest you tackle your family's overall debt problem but it reads as though you don't have much to do with the rest of the family finances- perhaps you should? Would it not be better to sit down together and work more as a team to try and tackle the problem? Where has the £30k debt come from?

Perhaps I have misunderstood though, I am easily confused

Glad the sickness has eased off a bit

Mivvylivvy31

ladybird,

Its a very complicated situation, I'm not 100% sure whether is overdraft is £30k but I know it can go up to that much as it is one of those offset morgage things. I have no dealings or say so in the family finances, OH deals with them all. The overdraft has been spent on share$ etc, so he does have something to show for it as such although the share$ are yet to come in, its one of those things that its always coming in, its just around the corner etc etc.

And its not that im not worried about it, its just that I can't do anything to help with my not working.

We have sat down and decided that we're going to have to start reigning things in, i can Keep an eye on electricity useage and food shopping and petrol, where as he'll have to reign in his spending.

Sorry I didnt explain this very well, feel a little bit like I've been told off..

Ladybird.

Wasn't my intention to 'tell you off' so I'm sorry if I made you feel that way

£30k worth of mortgage linked investment is not the same as a £30k overdraft that has been frittered away on expensive presents or simply not living within your means so that kind of answers my question anyway

My husband and I used to work our money exactly the same when I gave up my job to be a full time Mum- he earned it so dealt with all the bills and essentials. I got child benefit and had that basically as pocket money and to pay for my mobile phone etc. We lived like that for nearly 4 years and I wish I could turn back time and be more involved in all the budgeting and decision making because it is a big part of the reason we are in so much debt now- sadly our £30k of debt isn't soundly invested in shares, it was down the drain on nothingness, spending more than we had! I wasn't careful enough with my spending because I didn't have any kind of grasp on our situation and he had a horrible time feeling the pressure of it all spiralling.

My husband was incredibly reluctant to 'let me in' and admit just how bad things were but once he did we really faced up to it together. I am not saying the same is the case with your OH, our situations are different, but there is a lot to be said for working together, it has made an enormous difference to us

Mivvylivvy31

Thanks Ladybird, really given me food for thought. Think I need to have a 'chat' with OH. It's been playing on my mind a little bit and I really would like to be more involved. Thanks for the advice, I really do appreciate it. x

Am currently watching come dine with me with the babe, wondering whether I can manage dinner or not..... we'll see how I feel later.

Ladybird.

Looking back I can see that in the beginning my husband just wanted to look after us all and for me to have only our baby to concentrate on- very admirable and I lapped it up but we make much more sensible decisions when we share them. He is ever the optimist whereas I'm the pessimist (he says- I say realist ), we are a good balance for each other but obviously that is no help when we aren't working together.

Hopefully your OH will really appreciate you being more involved, takes some weight off his shoulders.

Hope the sickness isn't too bad tonight... I really feel for you, it is awful. I would rather go through childbirth 3x than go through weeks and weeks of 24x7 morning sickness!!