Would you be annoyed?

coinxoperated

Hello,

I recently posted in the health board about my anxiety and stress worries.... But this issue is related to my relationship, so I wasn't sure which board to put it on....

Basically, my partner has a very very VERY high sex drive. He would be at it all day if he could I think! He is in a low stress job, has self-confidence and is actually a rather 'good performer'... But I on the other hand am currently suffering with anxiety/depression/stress and am constantly tired due to the amount of hours I'm currently working. Unfortunately, given the choice, I would rather just sleep most of the time.

We were quite active in the bedroom (4-6 times a week) until August when I took a promotion.

Now, I did basically tell him to back off a bit. I explained that I wanted it less as I'm too tired at the moment and I would rather he didn't push for sex every night (before I was always willing, he's in no way making me do something I don't want too. I just feel guilty saying no ) and he really hasn't bothered me about it since. We still do it, maybe once or twice a week, and he still shows me lots of affection that does not lead to 'trying it on'.

Now, and I think I know that I'm possibly just over reacting, he is constantly looking at !!!!!!/pictures on the sly.

I've 'caught' him deleting web history before and I explained that I really really don't mind him looking at it if he wants, but would prefer that he didn't try and hide it from me, as I'm pretty low in self-confidence at the moment and I don't need to worry that he might be doing something a bit less innocent. My problem and not his, but it seemed fair really.

I'm conscious that I am feeling quite low in my self-esteem and self-worth due to my anxiety and stress. I'm trying to think clearly, but so many questions run through my head....

So all has been well for a couple of months after a chat.

Now, I've just gone into the web history on my phone to look for a net I searched for yesterday and he had been looking at !!!!!! on my phone...... Whilst in bed with me sleeping!!!!

I am just totally shocked! It's a Saturday morning, I am lying there with plenty of opportunity for him to make the first move (albeit I was sleeping, but I would of happily woken up!)

It also makes me wonder if he feels he now can't approach the subject....

I don't know what to do. I find it really offensive that he has used my phone to watch this stuff whilst I am sleeping next to him. Every man (I think) has watched a bit of !!!!!! when the wife / partners nipped out / gone to bed, but this really takes the biscuit.

I also suggested we could watch some together to maybe help me get more in the mood and get in to a routine of being more sexual with each other, but he seems reluctant to do this.

What should I say? What should I do? Is this just me being over sensitive because of the other issues in my life, or should he not of done this? I'm so very confused :-(

74jax

coinxoperated wrote: »

Hello,


What should I say? What should I do? Is this just me being over sensitive because of the other issues in my life, or should he not of done this? I'm so very confused :-(

Hey I saw what you were looking at on my phone Mr, you could have let me share the fun!

He might just have 'got the urge' thought you wouldn't be interested and so did what he thought was best.

Just have it out with him and tell him next time you're game.

arbroath_lass

Sorry but you've told him you are too tired and he's left you to sleep. Seems like he can't do anything right.

Give him a break.

vene

arbroath_lass wrote: »

Sorry but you've told him you are too tired and he's left you to sleep. Seems like he can't do anything right.

Give him a break.

Bit inconsiderate to be watching !!!!!!, or anything really whilst your partner is trying to sleep.

He seems inconsiderate on the whole and has put his guard up now you wont give in to him so easily, doesn't sound that great does it.

arbroath_lass

vene wrote: »

Bit inconsiderate to be watching !!!!!!, or anything really whilst your partner is trying to sleep.

He seems inconsiderate on the whole and has put his guard up now you wont give in to him so easily, doesn't sound that great does it.

Yet he managed it without waking them up. Ok, maybe he should have gone downstairs but the OP didn't actually know what was going on until they checked their phone!

I actually think he is being considerate. How was he to know the OP would appreciate being woken up?

geri1965_2

vene wrote: »

Bit inconsiderate to be watching !!!!!!, or anything really whilst your partner is trying to sleep.

He seems inconsiderate on the whole and has put his guard up now you wont give in to him so easily, doesn't sound that great does it.

She wasn't trying to sleep, she was asleep.

I don't generally approve of !!!!!!, but it's better that the OP's partner uses !!!!!! than going elsewhere (affairs or prostitutes).

The only thing I would be annoyed about in such circumstances would be the use of my phone.

F_Bear

when I took a promotion.

is the promotion the cause of the stress etc and componding into always been tired?

I also suggested we could watch some together to maybe help me get more in the mood and get in to a routine of being more sexual with each other, but he seems reluctant to do this.

this is golden! hes a lucky guy :-)

coinxoperated

Thank you for all your replies.

I was 50 / 50 on what to feel to be honest!

At the moment I'm so stressed out I had a feeling that I may be being to sensitive.

I suppose I should be grateful he even stays with me anyway!

gibson123

as long as he remains interested in you then what's the problem, so he didn't wake you up because you were tired! Good for him. How about spending a bit more time cuddling and being intimate without the sex, a cuddle on the couch of an even is both a relaxer and also a way to get you in the mood, just explain you don't want it to always lead to sex.

loracan1

Would I be annoyed?

That he'd used MY phone - yes.
That he'd looked at !!!!!! - no.
That he'd viewed said !!!!!! whilst I was asleep next to him - well that makes him a bit of a cheeky beggar, but it's not the crime of the century and I'd throw some faux indignation at him.

podperson

Tbh I think you might need to talk to him again and make things a bit clearer so to what you're wanting. You've asked him to back off a bit and not 'pressure' you into sex as you're tired/stressed/anxious etc. Fair enough and he's tried to do so, but now he's probably thinking each time he feels like it whether if he tries it on then he's pushing you/annoying you/stressing you out etc. so is thinking it's easier just to 'go solo' then risk upsetting you or getting rejected.

Can I ask, the times that you do still have sex, does he initiate it or do you ever do it? If it's the former then maybe you doing it once in a while would him feel that you do still 'want to' and aren't just putting up with so to speak.