step familes

sarah_hamilton_2

Hi im a single mum of 3 children i work full time and recieve tax credits ive also bought my council house last year. The problem i have is i met my boyfriend 2 yrs ago who also has 2 children from his previous marriage every other weekend he stays with his children at my house . We are now thinking about moving in together at the moment he has alot of debt and wouldnt be able to contribute as much as i,d lose on tax credits has anyone got any advise for me on the matter also does anyone know where we could get a cheap holiday for 2 adults and 5 children thanks sarah

Spendless

Hi Sarah, welcome to MSE. There are different boards. You may find helpful advise about sorting out debt on the Debt Free Wannabee board. There is also a travel board that you can ask about holidays on. If you are wanting to start living together, it might be more sensible to tackle the debt first before thinking of a holiday. The Sun newspaper does family holidays from £9.50 per person. I've never been on one, but lots of members have and could tell you the next time an offer is on.

I find this site helpful for working out entitlement to tax credit www.entitledto.co.uk

sarah_hamilton_2

hi thanks for your reply i know it sounds a little selfish but because he has debt i dont want my children to suffer by not going on holiday thats why i was asking for somewhere cheap thanks for your advise every thing you have said im going to check out thanks sarah

Jet

Sarah,

If your Bf will enrich your childrens lives emotionally and practically and you will have enough money to be able to pay your bills and other essential living expenses then I would say go for it.

However, if you don't feel that by him living with you, your children and you will gain much emotionally and practically, perhaps it's better to delay living together for a while.

And I'm sorry if this seems cold, but if he does contribute to your household, you have to think about any possible claims he may have on the house in the future.

sarah_hamilton_2

hi jet thanks for your reply yes i have thought about what claims he would be entitled to on my home if it all went pear shaped he has just got a divorce and is sorting out his own finacial stuff with his ex hes being paying their morgage for the last 7 years im not sure how that will end and yes hes a good bloke and role model for my kids they dont see their own dad thanks sarah

Jet

sarah,

Make sure he sorts out his own finances before he moves in with you. If the ex is vindictive she may try and get more money from him if she thinks he's going to live with you. the divorce forms always ask if you "are intending to marry or co-habit with someone else".

tanith

Sarah I don't want to be a killjoy but if you were one of my daughters (one is called Sarah) I would say please wait until he is debt free before you move him into your home.... if he also has the added burden of paying a mortgage and supporting his 2 children he's not going to be in a position financially to 'pay his way' and pay off his debts too..

You sound such a strong capable person managing a mortgage and 3 children without support from their father I would hate to see you put all that hard work in jeopardy for want of a little thought... its a hard decision I know, do you have some family you could talk it over with? Please don't think I am putting doubts in your mind about your bf integrity just weigh up all the consequences.....

Good Luck whatever you decide

sarah_hamilton_2

hi jet you are right about the solicitor asking if he intends to move in with me we have told them no because im not sure yet

sarah_hamilton_2

thankyou for you frank out look on my problem it has helped and no i hav,nt any family i could turn to for advise so you have helped alot thanks

hobo28

Basically if the house is in your name and you pay the mortgage/utility bills then he will not have a claim on your home. My ex found that out when we broke up. As stay-at-home mum she was entitled to nothing. Obviously if you get married then things will change.

Taking on a stepfamily is a tricky business. Much more tricky than I ever first anticipated. My advice to you is that if you decide to do it, then you are instantly a family and need to act as such. That includes the ups and downs. So yes it may well mean your children lose out because of HIS debts. If it were a traditional family they'd "suffer" as a result. This is no different.

If you enter it with the "I don't want MY kids to suffer" mentality then things will quickly go downhill. What's the alternative? Take your kids to Mcdonald's but not his? Take yours on holiday but not his? What if it were you in debt? How would you feel if he did that instead?

Not meaning to put a downer on what should be an exciting time. But please just remember that a "blended family" is very hard and is all about juggling and compromising.

As for cheap holidays, check out Haven. We've had some fantastic times there. Cheap too and you can use Tesco clubcard points towards the cost.

I've been a step parent now for nearly four years. I still do this day sometimes feel incredibly guilty about what I've asked/forced my children to sacrifice for the sake of our blended family. We've no debts but with four kids full time we can't easily afford holidays abroad and posh cars etc. On my own I could easily afford to take them abroad and have a nice car.

As a single parent, you'll realise that your priority is your children and no doubt have sacrificed a lot along the way. You may have one more to make. Only you will know best.

sarah_hamilton_2

Hi Hobo thanks for your advise we did go to haven last year it was great but we also had to hire a 7 seater to get there which added £300 to the cost like you said though sacrifices are to be made if we want to be together like a traditional family when we,re altogether the feeling is fantastic i just wish it could be done without worrying about money issues thanks sarah