Is this Fair?

mountainofdebt

Couple of things strike me:

1) Has he tried to get a job ? I know its easier said than done but what about bar work / temp Christmas work

2) Has he looked into season tickets / buying return tickets.

3) When does his mobile contract end ? Why £35 pm? Junior is on unlimted texts / unlimited data / can't remember no of minutes for £15 pm

4) has he a student account?

5) why take £45 off him if you're effectively then giving him back £35

Spendless

Is the £45 you ask him for a weekly or monthly amount? If it's monthly, then you are in effect asking him for £10 a month as you are paying his £35 mobile phone bill.

How old is he? Would the 16-25 young persons railcard help cut costs?

sal-ad_daze

He has a student account but the bad credit check means they won't allow him the overdraft facility.
We're looking at £45 per week.
He has looked to part time work but with having his daughter half the week it's not possible - as you say in this climate it's difficult enough and employers don't like people who can only work certain times.
The phone is down to me, both our contracts expired and I renewed them for a phone upgrade - my mistake so I can't penalise him for it but as soon as we can alter them we will!
The train is a 'local' service with tickets bought on board so don't think the railcard is acceptable although I will go and check again.

duchy

Why are YOU checking ?

He's a second year student so has presumably travelledpast the ticket office many times-In addition some Unis and colleges have an arrangement with the bus and train companies for cheaper travel for students. HE could ask about this at student services at the uni.

Who is it who doesn't think it's fair to charge him rent for himself and his daughter -You or him ?

He's an adult and a father and needs to man up !!

As a student his annual income is higher than yours -and as for not working because he is studying -absolute nonsense. I did a fulltime degree as a single Mum and my ex had our son ONE day a week -I still managed to work in the vacations fulltime and some casual work termtime with a tiny amount of childcare from my Mum. How on earth does he think he's going to manage once he has graduated and has a fulltime job ??? He needs to grow up and you need to stop enabling him and remind him his daughter is his responsibility . If that means working some evenings or switching to part-time to graduate-so be it. Yes it IS tough studying as a parent -even just a part-time one (incidently if it's so difficult why not adjust the balance of time spent with Mum to give him time to attend to his financial responsibilities as an adult ?)

Spendless

Does he have his daughter on set days for a reason? Eg because they are the days her Mum is working? I understand what you are saying about part-time jobs and them needing flexibility. Are you in a position to help out if he finds something and there's a clash between when one of his shifts fall and his daughter needing to be at your house?

The 'local' station. Is this in the same town or county as the Uni? I live where there's a local station and you buy tickets on-board, but I know there's a pass between where I live and the nearest town because my friend has one. It's not something I've ever seen advertised on-line or at the station, it needs to be asked about at the ticket office.

sal-ad_daze

I didn't say he couldn't work because he's studying I said he couldn't find anything that fitted around the time he has with his daughter, he is looking but as I've already said in this climate employers will take on people who can be flexible -we don't mind having her of course but he has to be mindful of the ex's reaction if he wasn't there when his daughter is.
The train runs through 3 counties and terminates in another country!lol

Thank you for all your comments, they have helped tremendously!

nimbo

when I catch a train from a station with no ticket machine / office I can buy a return...

one way is about £7.80 and return is about £8.40 (it varies at different times of day) so why is your son not buying return tickets? unless you are on a funny local small railway line?

A rail card would save him around 1/3 after possibly 9.30 in the morning, and costs around £20 a year if under 25 - not available after this age...

He should be getting around 6k a year in leans (I'm a mature student so it may be a bit less for him but more than enough to pay £45 a week in 'keep' as this will cover more than my £360 a month rent does... )

It doesn't sound like you are being unreasonable my mother when she had her step grandchild come stay took £40 a week (he was an adult and working - he has decided he'd just go on the dole) - and when she and my step dad went away she took him to the supermarket and he was astounded at how much the shopping came to just for him... He'd had a habit of complaining when he ran out of juice or his favourite chocolate biscuits - but that soon stopped when he had to do his own top up shop.

Helix

nimbo wrote: »

A rail card would save him around 1/3 after possibly 9.30 in the morning, and costs around £20 a year if under 25 - not available after this age...

Not quite true, you can get one over the age of 25 if you are in full time education. See: http://www.16-25railcard.co.uk/are-you-eligible/eligibility

Spendless

sal-ad_daze wrote: »

but he has to be mindful of the ex's reaction if he wasn't there when his daughter is.

Can he not talk to the ex about this? I just doesn't sit right with me that he is potentially prevented from earning money that will help everyone including his daughter, because the ex expects him to be at home. I agree if it's his time he should be the one who arranges the childcare/babysitter but not that he is only allowed to be the only one looking after her? Is there a similar arrangement in reverse, that child's Mum is the only person looking after when it's on her time?