Is this Fair?

sal-ad_daze

Apologies as this may be a long post.
I am seeing lots of threads here about how much to GIVE students to help them live but we have a different dilemma, we will have to TAKE rent from our student son as we just can't afford for him to live with us without contributing. My husband is on DLA and State Pension and I am his carer so you can understand our income is about as low as it can be, our son is in his 2nd year of his course and lives at home with us. He has a toddler daughter who spends half the week with us also.
He cannot claim any allowances for her as legally she lives with her mother who claims Child Benefit etc. for her so he has no extra money for being a parent. Because of his daughter he has to live here and not in halls or near Uni and it costs him £10 per day to travel to and from Uni. We are asking £45 from him to cover bills and food etc. We give him lifts whenever he needs, we pay his mobile bill (£35 pm) and subisdise him when he runs out of funds (train fares to Uni etc). It pains us to have to do this but we just can't afford for him to live here free.
He cannot access the overdraft facility at the bank because he has, it seems, a poor credit check. He got into difficulty in his first attempt at Uni in 2010 with the late payment debacle from the newly formed SLC and we think this must be the reason but it means he has no 'safety net' when his loan/grant is used up.

Is this fair do you think?

pooch

sal-ad_daze wrote: »

Apologies as this may be a long post.
I am seeing lots of threads here about how much to GIVE students to help them live but we have a different dilemma, we will have to TAKE rent from our student son as we just can't afford for him to live with us without contributing. My husband is on DLA and State Pension and I am his carer so you can understand our income is about as low as it can be, our son is in his 2nd year of his course and lives at home with us. He has a toddler daughter who spends half the week with us also.
He cannot claim any allowances for her as legally she lives with her mother who claims Child Benefit etc. for her so he has no extra money for being a parent. Because of his daughter he has to live here and not in halls or near Uni and it costs him £10 per day to travel to and from Uni. We are asking £45 from him to cover bills and food etc. We give him lifts whenever he needs, we pay his mobile bill (£35 pm) and subisdise him when he runs out of funds (train fares to Uni etc). It pains us to have to do this but we just can't afford for him to live here free.
He cannot access the overdraft facility at the bank because he has, it seems, a poor credit check. He got into difficulty in his first attempt at Uni in 2010 with the late payment debacle from the newly formed SLC and we think this must be the reason but it means he has no 'safety net' when his loan/grant is used up.

Is this fair do you think?

Why is your granddaughter living with you if legally she should be living with her mother? :huh:

sal-ad_daze

They share custody, she's with her Dad (and us) four days (some after nursery) and 2/3 nights and the rest with Mum but Mum has the Child Benefit etc.
Writing that it seems she's with us more than her but officially Mum is the prime carer.

rubytuesday

Yes it is fair - what else can you do but is there any possibility the mother would be willing to share some of the child benefit or tax credits for your Grandchild - that would be fairer.

Good luck with it and to your son.

miduck

Sounds like he would be better getting a job and studying via distance learning/ OU.

silvercar

We are asking £45 from him to cover bills and food etc. We give him lifts whenever he needs, we pay his mobile bill (£35 pm) and subisdise him when he runs out of funds (train fares to Uni etc). It pains us to have to do this but we just can't afford for him to live here free.

If you are already subsidising him when he runs out of funds, how do you expect him to find £45 a week? You will be subsidising him even more!

Has he taken all the student loans and grants available to him?

Have you worked out how much savings you would make if he wasn't living at home? IMHO you couldn't expect to charge him more than the extra he is costing you, though I know others disagree.

sal-ad_daze

Course he's on isn't available OU.
I have to say we admire him for sticking to his course despite all the financial struggles, it would be a lot easier for him to give it up and get a job but he knows (as do we) that the struggles now will pay off eventually and he will be able to make a better life for his daughter because of it.
It's because we admire him for doing this that we wish we could support him by giving instead of taking.
Ex won't 'divvy up' she thinks he should be paying her.

We are not looking to charge him more than he is costing us, on our estimations we're charging him less and yes we do help him out when funds run out but only because he pays 'keep', and only with getting to Uni not for socialising. If he didn't pay then we couldn't do it because we would be in debt!!

Dunroamin

I think it's perfectly reasonable to charge him this amount for his keep and actually quite a bargain for him. Stop worrying.

Voyager2002

I am struck by how much his mobile telephone is costing you.

I suggest that you terminate this immediately, instead asking him to learn how to use Skype and to explore the services that allow you to send text messages over the internet (at zero cost).

Lokolo

Can I ask why it costs him £10 a day for travel? That is quite extortionate and I pay for that my commute which includes a 30-40 minute train and London zones 1-6!

sal-ad_daze

Lokolo wrote: »

Can I ask why it costs him £10 a day for travel? That is quite extortionate and I pay for that my commute which includes a 30-40 minute train and London zones 1-6!

There is only one train that runs from our area to the town his Uni is in (no buses) it's an hour long journey and the fare is £5 each way!!!
Even if we took him in the car the cost of petrol would be about the same but that's not an option.
Because of his daughter he lives at home and can't move nearer to or onto Campus.