Christmas Dilemma

londonsurrey

podperson wrote: »

Thanks guys, appreciate the responses.

Juliebunny - I would never want to stop him seeing his mum if he wanted to. I know what you mean about older relatives - I think that is why his mum is saying she wants to spend it with his gran as she's had a few health problems this year. But then she came up for a full week last month and spent one day of it with his gran and half an hour to say bye before they left. The rest of the time they were busy shopping, golfing, sight-seeing, down the pub etc. And then at the end of the trip she says about coming up for Christmas so they can see gran more!

OH seems to think it will all magically work out but doesn't actually want to do anything about it - which I think is what is frustrating me. He says he wants to see his mum but doesn't want to bother confirming things with her, or to speak to his aunt (I actually don't think we even have their number, they're very much 'see on special occasions relatives'). He agrees with me that it's an imposition on them and so he doesn't want to ask them - but I think he's thinking that his mum or his gran will ask on our behalf if we can go, which imo is worst! He also keeps saying that it's 'ages off yet' - but if we do end up going I don't want it sprung on the poor aunt last minute!

Daska - if we do end up going I will offer to help/bring something but they are quite well off and very independent so I would be very surprised if they agree to it.

In that case, I'd suggest that you go off to see your family this Christmas.

This will mean that you are not imposing yourself on his aunt.
Theoretically, it would mean that it would now be up to him to sort it all out or not.

However, I suspect that now you're not on the scene, the womenfolk of his family(or at least his mum) would now swing into action and take care of him.

Either way, you're not responsible for further reinforcing the idea that magic fairies make Christmas happen. The possibility that his family happens to include magic fairies (which is what put the idea in his head to start with) is not your fault.

Tiddlywinks

podperson wrote: »

....The last 2 years I have stayed at home and we had a very small celebration just the two of us ....

....This year his mum (who lives in our old area) has said she wants to come up here for Christmas. She wants to see his gran (her mum) for Christmas. His gran always goes to his aunt and uncle's for Christmas Day (we normally pop and see her Christmas Eve)- I know his mum hasn't mentioned any of this to them yet as I saw them weeks after she'd first said it and they knew nothing about it and were talking about their 'quiet' Christmas.


Just not sure what to do on it. I was quite looking forward to a quiet Christmas and now am feeling frazzled already! Can anyone think of any other options (or a way to tactfully get me out of it without saying to OH that I don't really want to go).

Why so stressed? Why don't you want to go?

You and your OH are a partnership and that involves compromises...

So chill out and let the others make arrangements - if these affect you, they will ask / tell you... but...

There's only the two of you and the animals so, if nothing gets arranged, you will spend it at home as you did last Christmas - nothing lost.

maman

:santa2:hi pod, I thought I'd get Santa out for you specially.:D

Personally I'd let things lie for a while like your DH is suggesting. It may not even happen as his mum may not get around to sorting anything out. As he's not regularly in contact with his aunt then I can see why he's leaving it to his mum to sort things.

My bigger concern would be that his mum comes up for Christmas but that you two and even gran don't get invited round on Christmas Day. Then he'd be miserable and you'd have to pick up the pieces.

I'd wait at least another month and then, if you haven't heard anything, get him to talk to his mum about what's happening. Surely she can't just leave it to the last minute, aunt may have made other arrangements?

Whatever happens, be sure to fit in going to see your own mum, whether OH can go with you are not.

podperson

Thanks guys,

You're probably right and I should just leave it for now. Tbh when his mum first mentioned it over a month I thought it would just be a flash in the pan idea so was quite surprised when he spoke to her the other day and she apparently is 'definately' coming. Mind you she says definately but hasn't even properly discussed with his gran - who she is apparently coming up to see!! I'm sure his gran will definately be going to the aunts, she does every year, so I guess will just leave his mum to it and let her sort out getting an invite over there. While I do get on with his mum she is one of those people who thinks that everyone should drop everything and reorganised themselves around her, so I just have visions of her showing up there last minute because they should be happy to have her. Which I know should be just her problem - but I don't want to get dragged along with it!

Sambucus_Nigra

Why is she coming to you if she wants to see gran - why not stay with gran?

podperson

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Why is she coming to you if she wants to see gran - why not stay with gran?

Gran is in sheltered accomodation and doesn't have a spare room. They're not even sure yet where they are stopping - either with us or with another aunt (they like staying with the other aunt as she has a large house, garden etc). When OH asked though if they were wanting to spend the day with the other aunt she said 'no, they wanted to see gran' - (other side of the family).

Torry_Quine

This I would suppose is a relatively recent problem as previously most families lived much closer to each other. The only thing I will say is that you as a couple need to decide what you want to do and do it together.