Christmas Dilemma

podperson

Hi all,

I've been trying to avoid thinking about Christmas just yet but ending up with problems for it already! Very quick background. OH and I have lived together for 12 years now. We used to do Christmas where we went to my mum's for lunch then his mum's for tea. It was nice to see everyone but it was a bit exhausting! 3 years ago we moved 200 miles across the country, the 1st year I went back down to see my mum for Christmas but OH couldn't get time off work and we couldn't both leave the pets for that long so he stayed at home. He constantly told me it was fine and he wanted me to see my family but I felt really guilty that he had to spend it alone (I probably felt much worse then him, he's never been a big 'Christmas' person). The last 2 years I have stayed at home and we had a very small celebration just the two of us - and I went down to see my family between Christmas and New year. This has been working quite well, it was nice to not have to be dashing round, everyone getting stressed etc, we could do whatever we liked and seeing my family a little later meant I felt I was spending a bit more quality time with them, rather then them running around sorting out meals etc.

This year his mum (who lives in our old area) has said she wants to come up here for Christmas. She wants to see his gran (her mum) for Christmas. His gran always goes to his aunt and uncle's for Christmas Day (we normally pop and see her Christmas Eve)- I know his mum hasn't mentioned any of this to them yet as I saw them weeks after she'd first said it and they knew nothing about it and were talking about their 'quiet' Christmas.
I'm assuming his mum and dad will speak to them about getting themselves invited. But now OH is saying that if his mum comes up he'd like to spend Christmas Day with her - which means we'd be wrangling for an invite to the aunt's as well. I don't know them very well (and they have never invited us before while we have been living up here) and I feel it's really unfair to expect them to take on all these extra people. I also get the feeling his dad doesn't really want to come - they normally see his children and grandchildren and I think he'll be a little sad to miss that - it does seem to be all his mum. I know his gran and probably his aunt as well won't want to go out to eat so I doubt that will be an option.

Just not sure what to do on it. I was quite looking forward to a quiet Christmas and now am feeling frazzled already! Can anyone think of any other options (or a way to tactfully get me out of it without saying to OH that I don't really want to go).

onlyroz

Do you have enough space to host a Christmas lunch at your place?

newcook

Could you not have everyone at yours for christmas?

balletshoes

If you're not too far away from his Aunts house, you could go with your OH for Christmas dinner (if you get invited by his Aunt) then you could come home to look after the animals, your OH could stay longer if he wants to?

No-ones been invited anywhere yet, so I wouldn't stress about it at all at the moment.

podperson

No, we have a very small flat and a one shelf cooker so definately wouldn't manage everyone at ours! Plus the last time his gran came here she had a bit of a fall on the steps outside so think she would be a bit wary about it -we usually just to go to hers to visit now.

juliebunny

I don't think you should try and stop your partner spending Christmas with his mum, if it's what they both want. You just need to find a way to make it work for everyone. We never know how many Christmases we have left to spend with each other, right, especially with older relatives.

I used to moan about having to travel 230 miles each way to see my mum at Christmas, but I never missed one and now she's gone, I am SOOO glad I did. I would do anything to have another Christmas with her . I don't think it matters if you and him spend it apart, you have the rest of the year together.

daska

You really need to speak with your OH and work out what you might be able/prepared to do/compromise on. E.G. Could you offer to do all the veg prep and take pudding?

londonsurrey

All this involves his relatives. What's his take on the logistics?

podperson

Thanks guys, appreciate the responses.

Juliebunny - I would never want to stop him seeing his mum if he wanted to. I know what you mean about older relatives - I think that is why his mum is saying she wants to spend it with his gran as she's had a few health problems this year. But then she came up for a full week last month and spent one day of it with his gran and half an hour to say bye before they left. The rest of the time they were busy shopping, golfing, sight-seeing, down the pub etc. And then at the end of the trip she says about coming up for Christmas so they can see gran more!

OH seems to think it will all magically work out but doesn't actually want to do anything about it - which I think is what is frustrating me. He says he wants to see his mum but doesn't want to bother confirming things with her, or to speak to his aunt (I actually don't think we even have their number, they're very much 'see on special occasions relatives'). He agrees with me that it's an imposition on them and so he doesn't want to ask them - but I think he's thinking that his mum or his gran will ask on our behalf if we can go, which imo is worst! He also keeps saying that it's 'ages off yet' - but if we do end up going I don't want it sprung on the poor aunt last minute!

Daska - if we do end up going I will offer to help/bring something but they are quite well off and very independent so I would be very surprised if they agree to it.

downsizer3

If they do want to come up - why not all go out for a meal? Planty places do Xmas lunch?

daska

My suggestion was more along the lines of thinking it might 'oil the wheels'. But really your other half needs to pull his head out of the sand. Have you told him it's worrying you?