Aaaaaarrrrgggghhhhh

rsykes2000

sheraz2 wrote: »

You sound like a right door mat!

And you sound an uncaring piece of work. I hope you never have the misfortune to fall in love with someone not right for you. If you don't have any constructive comments, don't bother posting in this thread.

sheraz2

silvercar wrote: »

Thats not a very helpful comment, why bother posting?.

People inside a relationship often cannot see what may be clearer to those outside.

OP will not get better advice than that, even if he paid for it!

People inside a relationship often cannot see what may be clearer to those outside.

So isn't it incumbent upon those outside to tell those on the inside?

sheraz2

rsykes2000 wrote: »

And you sound an uncaring piece of work.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, or in this case, point out the obvious

I hope you never have the misfortune to fall in love with someone not right for you.

Thanks for the concern:j

If you don't have any constructive comments, don't bother posting in this thread.

Hopefully OP can see that I identified the route cause of his financial problems. Love can destroy you, so control it like you would control a fire"!

smilealot

Hi Merch boy

Lots of good advice there. Think you should definitely report identity fraud to the police. Even if it doesn't help your current situation, it will help avoid any future problems. You can't call each and every loan/credit card company and warn them, but if you have advised the police you have something to back you up.

As for the house... If she refuses to move, why don't you move all the furniture out? Won't be much fun without a bed, sofa, fridge, cooker etc. Might be a nightmare logistically, but anything is worth a try. I'm not sure if she can actually refuse to move out. With regards to putting the house on the market, watch out she doesn't try something to stop you getting buyers. Hmmm.... What about changing the locks?

Are you sure you are managing to keep up the loan repayments okay? Why don't you get in touch with the Credit Consumer Counsilling Service (https://www.cccs.co.uk) who can give you some advice. They might suggest you set up a debt management plan (DMP), which will assess you income and expenditure, calculate how much disposible income you have (leaving you with plenty to live properly) and distribute it on a pro rata basis. The bonus is that they usually get interest and charges stopped. It sounds to me like you are only paying off the interest each month which won't help you pay off the bills in total. It's not as serious and official as bankruptcy and you can start to over pay to get them clear more quickly once you are up on your feet.

You mention that you are scared she will stop paying the Capquest bill? She is blackmailing you with that. What's the worst that can happen if she does? Go on a DMP and never need to worry about any future accounts being opened and you'll have a debt-free date in sight, or pacify her so she keeps paying, but who knows what will happen? Three more accounts just like Caquest? With the DMP the total amount of debt doesn't affect your monthly payment amount.

There are other financial remedies available to you apart from the DMP. Try using the debt remedy tool on the https://www.cccs.co.uk website. It's free and no commitment is required (CCCS is a charity who help people sort out their debt).

I've also private messaged you with some info.

Take care.

Helen2325

I am so sorry about your situation. I agree with some of the other posts that it seems unfortunately as though there is not much sharing in this relationship. If you have decided to end it and before anything geta any worse, please speak to a solicitor or someone at CAB.

My partner had the same problems before we met, although probably not quite severe. He tried to be nice and sort all the money etc out reasonably and she took him to the cleaners. When I met him more than a year later he still had debt in excess of £20k and he was earning around 60K per annum, so you can imagine how bad the debt was to begin with.

Trying to be nice probably won't work as you have already said she will be difficult. I think the problem arises because you are married, although not for long, which is why I would definately advise a trip to the solicitors, even just for piece of mind and the right advice. The law changes so often and even then it doens't appear to work the same for each person.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that one day you meet someone just as generous as yourself. Maybe you need spoilt a bit.

Helen2325

tomterm8

1. Go to your local bank manager, explain the situation and ask if he can put a fraud warning on your credit record.

When you leave her, don't let her know what you have done.

When she applies for the next credit card, it won't be given. And she may incriminate herself.

2. the royal mail offers a letter redirect service.

3. Contact the citizens advice bureau. You need legal advice at a higher level than can be given on an internet forum.

findingmyownway

Definatly contact your bank and CC companys re the fraud warning mentioned be another poster. I used to work for a building society and this isnt as rare as you would think - many occasions we had people phoning because their spouses (or even siblings with same initials) were taking ou debts / making transactions fraudulently.

Also, consider getting your mail redirected to friend you can trust / PO Box - or again, banks will allow you to collect mail from branch if your letterbox is not secure.

Sounds like you need to leave this destructive relationship ASAP

hmmthinking

Right first things first get ye to https://www.cifas.org.uk. Register yourself for protective registration. basically this means if a credit application is made in your name further checks will be made. Normally in the form of a password etc. So if you apply for a loan say you will get a phonecall asking you to confirm said password and so on. This way if you wife (even if you stay with her) trys applying for any credit in your name she will not know the password. Next things next make sure she has no joint cards with you that you are liable for. Then on all cards you do have change your pin numbers so that when next she goes to make a purchase she can not. Also phone up your card companies and ask for new cards to be sent through with new numbers (what they do if you lose or suspect someone might have your card no.). Then I am not suggesting this one, but I have known one person scratch the security code off the back of the new card (carefully obviously lol) reason being that it could not then be used online without actually knowing the number, a new card and she wouldn't. This way would hopefully completely prevent from taking out further debt and spending further on current lendings.

Also never ever consider putting her name on the title deeds of either property.

Hope it helps some at least

Merch_boy

Thanks so much to all of you for the advice - even sheraz2 i suppose!-
Im due home tomorrow and will be doing something to get myself out of this, one way or the other...I will keep you informed.
Once again, thanks.

mousa

Your wife is caught up in addictive behavioural patterns, and she won't have any reason to stop all the while that you help to feed her habit.

The kindest thing for her is to withdraw your financial support from her, to set boundaries. All the while that the boundaries are fluid, she will always push for more. She will never change if you make it too comfortable for her.

It's the hardest thing in the world, especially if you love someone and want to help them. But there are other ways to help. My partner has addictive tendencies and has finally agreed to counselling etc. We speak every day on the phone. But he knows I won't bail him out, and he has to live in the bed he has made - which is a daily reminder to him of the need to change.

If she is hit by the fact that she might lose you, it might just be the push she needs. On the other hand, if she really is just after your money, you'll quickly find this out.