debt and new realtionships

XYZ1000

When do you think it is right time to tell someone new that you have alot of debt?

Thanks for your replies

claire21

I dont think its something you blurt out at the start, see how things go and there will probably be a right time eg they talk about a trip away and you can say you have some money problems at present and your working on it.....
Your are not moving in together are you as I think maybe that would be different?

lika_86

Depends on how much debt you hav. If you would be struggling to pay for first date dinner, I'd maybe mention it before she starts ordering the lobster, otherwise I'd maybe leave it a bit.

moneypuddle

Agree with the above. Only you would be able to tell from conversations you've already had as to when its appropriate and how to broach the subject. No-one is going to be able to tell you any more specifically than that. It might actually become quite obvious, if you are working on paying your debts off so are always skint.

Wilma33

I don't think you need to have a "big chat" early on. Just mention things in conversation as and when it crops up, for example suggest doing free things on dates because money is a bit tight.

Wilma33

It also depends on what you mean by "alot of debt". If it's £1K and you have a job then I don't think you ever need mention it.

fluffnutter

It only needs mentioning if and when it might impact on the relationship. If it gets serious then it's understandable to want to know a little about the other person's financial status. Until that point, don't mention it. People aren't defined by their debt, it's just something that you personally need to deal with. If you blurt it out on the first date, it just looks like you're trying to find someone to pay it all off for you

nickj_2

if would be up front before things get too serious , you will then be able to move forward or not as the case may be with your relationship,
it's debt , as long as you don't owe £1000's with no way of paying it off then why should it be a problem

WantToBeSE

I can understand people saying to wait until the relationship is a bit more serious, but for me, debt is a deal breaker and i'd rather know sooner then later.

I wouldnt have a 'big chat' so to speak, i'd probably just mention it early on, that you have a bit of debt, so money is tight at the moment.
If it were me being told, i would be OK with it, as long as you made it clear that you are dealing with it, and are being sensible with your money in order to clear the debt.

XYZ1000

Thanks you all for your input. The amount is quite alot £35 k. I do deal with it so it isn't really an issue. It is just that I don't want to lead someone along into a serious relationship when they may have their own ideas about someone in that much debt.

maman

XYZ1000 wrote: »

Thanks you all for your input. The amount is quite alot £35 k. I do deal with it so it isn't really an issue. It is just that I don't want to lead someone along into a serious relationship when they may have their own ideas about someone in that much debt.

I don't mean to sound preachy but what you really need to be careful of is that you don't hide it to the extent that you're overspending on your new date and making your situation worse. I agree with other posters that you don't need to say anything yet but be honest if converstaion moves naturally to anything financial.