Anxiety problems ruining everything :(

coinxoperated

Thank you so much for all your advice.

I've used the rescue remedy every other day for the past week, just once of four drops on the tongue every other day and its been fabulous. I am still slightly anxious, but found it to be so very helpful! I feel so much more myself!

I do hate the idea of taking real medication for this, as I feel that I can get through this without serious medication.

I've also joined Zumba! Which although almost gave me a panic attack just going, made me feel amazing when I came out and has helped loads in raising my mood. I have had down days, but also quite happy days. My moods do seem to move quite dramatically at times which is a whole other issue. Probably just being a woman

I'm not near menopause by the way, I'm 23!

Just really wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who replied. I really can see the light at the end of the tunnel now Thanks

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Have you ever actually had your heart rate/regularity, blood pressure and thyroid, etc, tested?


I started getting extra heartbeats, but they seemed to be associated with being ill (I had quite a deepseated infection in my airway) - a week of superduper strong antibiotics and they're gone, after months of my dismissing them as plain old boring panic and stress - as my blood test indicated an infection.

There's also the laying off caffeine (coffee, chocolate, cola, Red Bull) and making sure your salt consumption is lower than average, etc.


It's easy to think 'it's stress' without addressing whether there could be a physical cause contributing- and your GP would need to be consulted again for that.


But I hope you do feel better soon.

Miss_Havisham

I've read through this thread twice and what strikes me is how strong, positive and articulate you sound, even though you obviously are feeling very low, rightly so with such horrible stresses at work. (we spend such a lot of our lives at work and put such a lot of energy into it, so your sort of experience can be devastating).

I've got a feeling that you will "break through" your anxiety very well and within a short while and move onto bigger and better things.

I find threads like this are so useful - it's sometimes easier to open your heart and let your guard down to a bunch of "virtual" strangers than to family and friends (for fear of worrying them).

mademoiselle_2

Coinxoperated -

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better. The only words of advice I would add to the already fabulous support offered in this thread is: please consider if you can find another job that suits you better.

It sounds to me as if the job you are doing is high pressure/target driven/stressful. You also say you are driving long distances - a long commute?

Your username suggests you do this because you want a highly paid job? You are only 23 and you may well think that this is the norm: or that you can will yourself to fit the mould of a high-pressure, rat-race job. As well you might - for a few years!

But if, at 23, when you are (technically) at your fittest and strongest, this job is causing you such mental and physical anguish... imagine what it will feel like a few years further down the line. Or if you get sick. Or have some other setback in life.

I might be completely out of line. But why don't you examine why you have experienced these debilitating symptoms - which all seem stress related - and consider alternatives.

You know, for your own peace of mind, it might be much better to forget the high salary/big holidays/nice clothes, and look for something that will leave you feeling a bit happier at the end of the day.

Feel free to disagree!!

coinxoperated

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Have you ever actually had your heart rate/regularity, blood pressure and thyroid, etc, tested?


I started getting extra heartbeats, but they seemed to be associated with being ill (I had quite a deepseated infection in my airway) - a week of superduper strong antibiotics and they're gone, after months of my dismissing them as plain old boring panic and stress - as my blood test indicated an infection.

There's also the laying off caffeine (coffee, chocolate, cola, Red Bull) and making sure your salt consumption is lower than average, etc.


It's easy to think 'it's stress' without addressing whether there could be a physical cause contributing- and your GP would need to be consulted again for that.


But I hope you do feel better soon.

Hi! Thanks for your reply

My GP did listen to my heart, just in case I did have palpitations, but he said there was nothing wrong...

I also cut out all caffeine out of my diet for 3 months a while back to see if it was that (I did drink a small energy drink or a coffee every couple of days) and nothing changed.

Thank you so much for you comments though

coinxoperated

mademoiselle wrote: »

Coinxoperated -

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better. The only words of advice I would add to the already fabulous support offered in this thread is: please consider if you can find another job that suits you better.

It sounds to me as if the job you are doing is high pressure/target driven/stressful. You also say you are driving long distances - a long commute?

Your username suggests you do this because you want a highly paid job? You are only 23 and you may well think that this is the norm: or that you can will yourself to fit the mould of a high-pressure, rat-race job. As well you might - for a few years!

But if, at 23, when you are (technically) at your fittest and strongest, this job is causing you such mental and physical anguish... imagine what it will feel like a few years further down the line. Or if you get sick. Or have some other setback in life.

I might be completely out of line. But why don't you examine why you have experienced these debilitating symptoms - which all seem stress related - and consider alternatives.

You know, for your own peace of mind, it might be much better to forget the high salary/big holidays/nice clothes, and look for something that will leave you feeling a bit happier at the end of the day.

Feel free to disagree!!

Hello and thank you very much for posting. Your suggesting things I already had thought about to be honest!

I was promoted back in August and to be honest, I generally don't manage change well. I become very nervous about the unknown, but normally settle down pretty quickly. The role is extremely high pressured with a lot more responsibility, but as far as my bosses are aware I am perfectly fine. I have commented that I need more help and they are in the process of recruiting an assistant for me, so it will get easier. I knew it was going to be more high pressure as not only am I the first within their company to undertake the new role, I am also heavily involved in growing a particular department up to a certain level (although not responsible entirely for it).

A part of me knows I really can't handle the pressure or stress, but I am so ambitious. I don't want to be somebody that just 'gets by'. I want the nice holidays (that are yet to come... I'm not rich yet!) and the nice car. I want to buy my own house one day and I don't have inheritance or a property left to me after my father passes away. My mother died of Cancer when I was 15 and I promised myself that I wanted to be able to stand on my own two feet, and have done since then. I lived on my own at 15 and have never returned to my parents. I was considering moving in with my dad for a short period to just de-stress and re-think my future goals, but he's now left his rented property and brought a tiny 1 bedroom canal boat with inheritance from his mum, so thats out the ideas bucket!

I want to be successful, I have so much ambition. I want to use every skill I have as hard as I can to be able to reach somewhere I am happy with.

I sometimes try to talk myself out of it! I think no, just relax, take it easy, it'll come in time. But I just can't. I have to give it my all. I don't want others to be let down by me, but more so, I don't want to let myself down. I don't want to get to 40 with 2 kids in a rental property wondering if I should take a part-time job that might interfere with my benefits.

People in history didn't have the opportunity to be off work with stress / depression, and although I know I need some help, I don't want to throw my ambition away or lose focus because the affects on my future that could cause could be quite fatal.

I don't want to depend on anybody else. I'm not being stuck up or ignorant, I just want to be able to look after myself. My partner brings in a wage which we use for going out / food, but I would hate to be in a position where I am dependent on him for the basics. This is my life and it will only go the way I want it too. Nobody else will put in the hard work and determination for me!

The long distances I mentioned are driving 180 miles there and back twice a week to a particular meeting. The meeting itself is extremely nerve racking for me. It's hard to explain what I actually do as its likely people will then know who I work for, which is not what I want to share on a public forum, but to put it in basic terms:

Something happens that depends on me doing something perfectly. If I don't do said thing perfectly it becomes a point of discussion between 7 people who quite openly share how disappointed they are that said thing isn't done perfectly while I am sat in a room where I can not talk! This then has a large knock on effect for the company and the people who are waiting to be ok'd for something on the condition that I have done something perfectly... :rotfl:

Oddly enough, I used to work in a high paying sales role which I believe started off my anxiety issues around 2008. It was extremely highly pressured, I was bullied constantly by the bosses, but was earning on commission around £30,000 a year, sometimes more. I really realised I couldn't continue doing it, although I was good at it and left for a £14,000 a year job.

I don't feel this way at the moment. I left that role because I knew I just couldn't physically or emotionally deal with it anymore. I knew I was reaching a critical point. I was constantly overly emotional, tired, having panic attacks and was also extremely close to using drugs (offered by a friend I worked with that shared that was how they managed to cope).

I didn't take drugs and don't intend on doing so. Blocking the problem out isn't fixing it.

I've tried to think of particular things that cause my anxiety / worry / stress... are these everyday things for everyone, or do I actually have a lot on my plate? I have few people to relate too...

1. My car is old, very old, and doing on average of 800 miles a month in total for work will mean I will need a newer more reliable car. Its only a matter of time till its totally knacked.

2. I have no savings, and after entering into a DRO at the start of the year, there is no credit facilities to fall back on.

3. The flat in which I live has extreme damp problems which causes me to have headaches and regular chest infections. My GP has said that its unlikely to cause lasting damage and to just keep taking meds to ease the symptoms... Its not been as bad in the summer, but winters coming. DUM DUM DUM cough!

4. My finances aren't great. I don't earn enough to save to move or enough to improve my circumstances really. My partner also earns a very low wage which helps out, but again doesn't really move us forward. He has enough to pay half of things, but again, not really extra. I haven't had a holiday for 3 years...

5. I'm currently undertaking an NVQ to enable myself to have some qualifications along with a better chance of a highly paid job. My assessor has informed me that I need to finish by xmas (was originally June 2013!!) as he has too many clients beginning in January to offer me any support or to visit me and do the professional discussions. I know I can do it and after a hard weekend working on module after module, I'm on track to finish for the 15th of December. I am absolutely appalled that I have been put in this situation. I'm not really learning anything now from it, just filling in pretty forms which he ticks off. It sucks.

6. I have very little support financially / emotionally from family and have one friend who I see every other week or so. She has some real issues in her life at the moment such as her parents are both extremely ill and shes having to manage a sale of their house, so I don't want to burden her with my problems. My father isn't a typical father. He's never been a real care giver and tends to treat me as a friend rather than a daughter. I love him to pieces, but he gives ridiculous advice thats so far out of the box its just stupid.

7. I am overweight and seem to not be able to have the self-motivation to control my eating. I say control, but its more self-restraint. I don't eat large meals or a lot of food, but what I do eat is rubbish. I don't like the taste of healthy food and having a partner thats naturally skinny and could eat a horse doesn't help. My weight fluctuates not be pounds but by stones throughout the year. I've lost, gained, lost and gained the same 4 stone in the last 12 months.

8. I have rubbish self-esteem. I always feel ugly and extremely bitter towards women who are naturally 'barbie beautiful'. I have quite a gothic appearance and enjoy rock music, but desperately want to 'fit in'. I always seem to be the fat odd one out. My partner tells me how beautiful he thinks I am, but to be honest, it goes in one ear and out the other. I look in the mirror and I hate myself. I assume he's just kidding himself because he got a fatty and doesn't want to admit it!

On top of all this, I now worry that I have worry issues. How ridiculous is that!? I've become fascinated with how I can improve my life and make myself better, to the point where I lay in bed last night for 2 hours wondering what I can do. I worried about worrying!!!! :rotfl:

Sorry for such a long post... Maybe I should start a blog!

Fire_Fox

Why are you having to live in a damp flat? :mad: That can absolutely harm your mental wellbeing as well as your physical health because illness puts the body into a state of stress and that can trigger food cravings. Have you written to the landlord, if you have without effect have you contacted Environmental Health at the local council? Does a powerful dehumidifier make any difference?

So pleased you tried and enjoyed Zumba! :j Definitely find a way to address your eating, you are far from the only person who starts out not liking healthy foods - despite eating well all my childhood I hated most fruits, veg and salad, would not touch fish, generally very fussy. I didn't retrain myself until I was so sick I could not work. Now, as you may know, I work in lifestyle healthcare! I had to find sneaky tricks that worked for me and have to do the same for my clients. For me I started with things I could tolerate like canned fruit salad, supersweet corn in a sandwich and onions cooked in meals and then added one new healthy food at a time. I also realised I didn't mind certain produce providing it was drowned in sauce but would never eat a whole piece of fruit or portion of dry veg!

For myself and for clients the key is honestly to make it easier to eat healthier foods and harder to eat unhealthier foods. Go to the supermarket once a week or once a fortnight on a dull stomach or grocery shop online only, with a list, check your trolley at the till and remove some of the rubbish that snuck in, don't shop with your partner if he buys junk. Fill your cupboards, desk drawer and car with healthier stuff, get petrol once a week, don't carry cash or cards wherever possible, don't drive past your favourite snack shop or walk past vending machines.

Naturally skinny is largely a myth, it's calories in versus calories out for most of us and somewhat the type of calories we choose and when we eat. Guys can eat more because they tend to be taller and have a higher percentage of muscle mass. People who are more active, including fidgeting are slimmer. Losing weight should not be about eating less food, in fact often people can eat more food when they lose weight the healthy way. If you are struggling to give up the junk you may have an addiction or dependence but honestly this will be having a MASSIVE effect on your stress levels and mood. What you have at breakfast and how often you eat thereafter will strongly influence how many calories and what type of foods you crave the rest of the day.

If you have lost eight stone and gained it within a year you were losing weight far too fast so not eating enough calories or nutrients. That is 56lb in 91 days! You should be aiming to lose one to two pounds a week (13 to 26lb in 91 days), otherwise you lose water and muscle so you dehydrate and your metabolism drops. You will get powerful cravings and you will gain the fat back quickly when you give into that. Each time we cycle through it we lose muscle but gain fat so end up larger and wobblier for the same weight.

Not saying I have all the answers but it seems to me you are self medicating with junk food, when you are clear you don't want to be medicated you want a 'cure'. IMO lifestyle modification is the closest you are likely to get to that cure, certainly it is an effective natural treatment. You could very likely have chronic nutrient deficiencies because you have been crash dieting and stress increases the body's need for a raft of nutrients. I don't mean to be harsh or judgemental, trust me I had to give myself a very big lecture a few times and need one again right now.

MrsRogers

Hi OP

Reading your post and some of the others was like reading a post I wrote myself!!

I too suffer with anxiety and IBS and have done for many years. I am ambitious and have a pressured and stressful job. The only thing I can add to everything the other posters have said is how I manage.

1. Food Diary.. Although my IBS is predominatly stress/anxiety related it does have some food triggers.. eg tomatos, caffine, spicy food, white bread ... Find out what they are and avoid them.

2. Plan.. If you are going somewhere/ travelling look at the route in advance so you know where the loo's are this WILL help reduce the anxiety and make you feel more in control.

3. I suffer with diarrhea (sorry to much info ) I dont go anywhere without my emergency stash of immodium. Again helps put me back in control of the situation. I also take my tablets from the doc (Merbentyl)

4. CBT - I asked my doc to refer me for cognitvie behavioural therapy. This helps giving you techniques to manage the anxiety. Highly recommended.

5. Rescue Remedy - I swear by this as 'PennyLane' mentioned. Its holistic and does help calm me down.

If there is one piece of advice I can give you is you have to manage anxiety and take the control back. Believe me its taken me years to get that. If you dont your anxiety will control you. I have missed holidays, outings, dates with friends etc .. Mine got so bad I didnt recognise myself until I said enough was enough.

Im not cured... but I do manage it now.

Good luck

Pennylane

You have some probs but you have a whole lot going for you.

First off - you're only 23!!! I'd LOVE to be 23 again.
You have a job and a partner who sounds great.

Here's what I'd do -
1. Get out walking. The air will do you good, lift your anxiety and help with your weight prob.

2. Get that Flower Remedy I told you about (made up especially for you and how you feel now)

3. Go along to Slimming World - there must be one near you. It's about re-educating yourself, trying healthy foods and taking things slowly. You WILL lose weight - they guarantee that.

4. Get a good relaxation tape and listen to that.

5. Don't be hard on yourself and try to just sort one worry at a time.

6. I do know how you feel and it isn't nice at all - I've been having counselling for over a year. Let us know how things go.

Bigmoney2

OP Have a look at this book.
It is aimed at depression rather than anxiety but your post #27 talked about your ambition and self reliance, you seem to set yourself very high standards, a trait that is mentioned in the book.

Does this extract sound familiar?

Ready for the next big shock: - only STRONG people are at risk of developing depression. This physical illness does not develop out of the blue, or caught like a cold; it develops after prolonged periods of pushing yourself too hard, and/or experiencing a major life-event or series of life-events. Everyone who has had, or will have depression shares something in common - a conscientious personality, with a drive to keep going and never giving up. Weak/lazy people never get up and get started, average people have the ability to say - stop, enough is enough; but the highly conscientious don't know when to quit until it's too late, then depression sets in and everything falls apart.

Heres the link
http://www.waterstones.com/waterstonesweb/products/tim+cantopher/depressive+illness/4913132/