I need to know about my son's father living with us.

Bambywamby

I don't think being critical and judgmental is being "helpful".

Oldernotwiser

Of course OP should be commended for wanting to come off benefits but her actual enquiry was,

" I would need to know about my son's father living with us as he lives in a rented room I just cannot figure out what is for the best."

That was what I answered, that it was better for the child to have two parents living together, rather than having money be the more important factor. As this is posted on the Families Board rather than under Benefits, I assumed the OP was concerned with the wider picture.

It's worrying the number of people who think that it's "best" to consider money more important than a secure family unit and that suggesting a different view of life is considered to be unhelpful.

loopychicken

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Sometimes plain speaking and traditional values aren't popular; on the other hand, thank God that some of us still have things we believe in. I always think that a member's helpfulness can be gauged by the number of posts that have been thanked by others; in my case over 40%, in yours 15%. Enough said.

difference being most of your thanked posts are by the same cick of people who tend to post the same harsh comments
besides when did being thanked come in to it i dont get off on being nasty
didnt know it was a competition

Oldernotwiser

The point of being able to thank people is that you can see at a glance who has been reckoned to be helpful by other forum members. Obviously it's not a competition; it's a bit like looking at the percentage feedback on Ebay. You can tell who you can trust.

loopychicken

on ebay people are not looking for advice tho
there selling or buying and are only rated once per item bought or sold it seems that in some of the threads the same people are thanked everytime they add a harsh comment

i dont understand why people thank others in a thread that has nothing to do with them

surely like on ebay you get thanked or rated for the item you sold/bought or the sole helpfull thread by the either buyer seller or OP

you thank people if they have helped YOU with advice not surely if they just agree with what you have said
this is where people think that there being ganged up on..when a nasty or harsh comment has been thanked many times

its hard on the net to give an take advice as you have to go of the tone of which you read it which as every one is diff they will all take in diff ways

i just think people should concider this fact when advising
you dont know weather the op is stable an any harsh comment like some ive read may tip them over the edge...that comment wasnt aimed at any one in particular it was just an example
dont make presumptions about peoples lifes with just a 1 or 2 postings
u did suggest she was putting money befor her son an that was unfair

Oldernotwiser

I agree with your last point and perhaps I shouldn't have made that assumption. On the other hand, everybody else who answered this query at its early stage also made the same assumption and offered her advice on benefits.

msmicawber

Blimey - are you two still at it?!

I too read the post as 'which will benefit us best financially', so didn't think your post was out of line, Oldernotwiser, just a little abrupt.

Oldernotwiser

You're probably right! I spend my working life being tactful to people so there's not a lot left over for forums. Sometimes it's quite cathartic being abrupt!