Getting on with a "chatty" friend

*Beki*

Thank you so much for all the responses! It sounds like its not such an uncommon scenario which makes me feel better! I honestly don't want to be rude.

She isn't a close friend so I guess I feel less comfortable about mentioning it than I would with someone who I know better. But there's some great suggestions in this thread so i'll see what I can do!

Mr_Toad

You have my sympathy. I know someone like this and she's almost impossible to shut up.

You could try Peachy's approach but don't hold your breath. I've heard my friend say "Oh, OK right" and be quiet for all of 90 seconds before starting again. You can remind her repeatedly with the same result.

Someone mentioned their MIL who talks when you're watching TV, tell me about it. She does this too and even shouting "WILL YOU SHUT UP!!!" only works for a few minutes.

On the up side just don't respond, I don't think half of these people expect an answer and will just continue to fill any silence. All you have to do is filter it out as low intensity background whinging.

I think this type of person is just wired a little differently to the rest of us and can't help it.

My friend can't stand silence, she has a radio in just about every room of her house and I've been there when they're all playing different stations!

I have no idea what it is she hears but to me it's bedlam!

Blackpool_Saver

is it nerves? nervous people don't like gaps in convo

Mr_Toad

I don't think so, my friend is anything but nervous, she's confident and competent in any situation.

I think it's more the way they think and organise their thoughts. I'm a thinker but do it silently. I think these people can't do that, they have to say it out loud as part of their thought process which is why their comments often seem inane, they're just part of what's going on in their head.

Some people read and learn, some read then write it down and learn. I think it's a similar thing

*Beki*

Mr_Toad wrote: »

I think these people can't do that, they have to say it out loud as part of their thought process which is why their comments often seem inane, they're just part of what's going on in their head.

I think this is exactly the case, as sometimes it just seems like a totally random comment! Or just something she was obviously thinking about. It's almost like she has to talk through the thought process for any sort of decision or occurrence in her life out loud. I don't mind this if I can comment or contribute, but often its very "me me me" and I don't know who the people are who she's referring to, or care that she's "just booked another doctors appointment" (sorry if that sounds harsh!)

I think that "mmm-ing" and nodding is often the best way, if she feels better to talk about things, and doesn't require a response! And I do think there's an element of not liking the gaps in conversation. She's the youngest of 3 sisters so I think she's used to lots of chatty women!! :rotfl:

Mr_Toad

I bet if you were to put a video camera in her car when she's on her own you'll find her doing the exact same thing.

I think the mmm-ing and nodding probably goes unnoticed and does more for your sanity than anything.

I don't know about your friend but I notice that mine tends to over analyze stuff and as a consequence her life can seem over complicated.

I used to make the mistake of saying "why didn't you just...." and then have to listen to what would have been hours of of "well....if this or that then I'd have had to..... and.... they might have.....and then it would have meant.....so I did.....said.....went to Asda.....roadworks on the A25......what if their mobile battery was flat.....pick up the fish.......but there weren't any monkeys!"

Believe me you only want to listen to one of these conversations once. Especially if it was all to do with the simple task of filling the car with petrol!

heartbreak_star

Mr_Toad wrote: »

......what if their mobile battery was flat.....pick up the fish.......but there weren't any monkeys!"

I bet if you videoed her on her own she'd be singing, tbf

The last bit made me :rotfl:and reminded me of a friend who tends to blather when he's had a few. I zoned out when he was talking about eradicating knotweed with bleach, zoned back in and he'd moved to Russian tanks in America.

HBS x

*Beki*

Haha Mr Toad, your post made me laugh! Sounds like a great (one-sided) conversation! I do agree though that sometimes making the mistake of saying something will just prolong the agony, lol.

Don't get me wrong I'm not totally anti social and like talking to people, but it has to be a conversation where both parties are interested and feel like they can express their opinions. Because I don't know her that well, I often don't reply because what I want to say could offend her! I guess I need to worry less about that...

leftieM

What you need is a third person to share with. Then you can take turns sitting in the back and zoning out.
I lift share at the moment with two colleagues from work to our mutual financial benefit. We may never be friends and I find one of the girls who is younger a bit annoying because of her youthful arrogance but I've no intention of telling her to shut up. What annoyed me most was she was 10 minutes late for the lift nearly every morning and would blame the traffic (rather than not getting up on time) but lift share number three collects her now so she has to be punctual.

Violetta_2

*Beki* wrote: »

I think this is exactly the case, as sometimes it just seems like a totally random comment! Or just something she was obviously thinking about. It's almost like she has to talk through the thought process for any sort of decision or occurrence in her life out loud. I don't mind this if I can comment or contribute, but often its very "me me me" and I don't know who the people are who she's referring to, or care that she's "just booked another doctors appointment" (sorry if that sounds harsh!)

I think that "mmm-ing" and nodding is often the best way, if she feels better to talk about things, and doesn't require a response! And I do think there's an element of not liking the gaps in conversation. She's the youngest of 3 sisters so I think she's used to lots of chatty women!! :rotfl:

This reminded me of my mother in law, we were in the car hubbie & I had both tuned out to her wittering on about lord know's what , gammon for tea, boil on her bum etc etc after a while our daughter (only 4 at the time) piped up "gran who are you actually talking to?" :rotfl: