Getting on with a "chatty" friend

*Beki*

I have a friend that I met at Uni, and she has recently started working for the same company as me. We live near each other and so are car sharing to work every day- her driving one day, me the next- very MSE!

However, she is quite a chatty chirpy person- to the extent that she doesn't seem to have any other moods, and I like my personal space and quiet time. In the morning, I'm quite happy to listen to the radio/CD and my thoughts, with a bit of conversation. But she really doesn't like silences and will attempt to fill the gaps with random and sometimes inane comments.

How can I respond (or not) without seeming rude, but maintain my own sanity! I do like her, and whilst we have very different opinions about things and differing outlooks on life, I don't want to offend her. I think this is often why I stay silent as I don't want to say something abrupt!

Thanks.

JimmyTheWig

Sing along with the music?

j.e.j.

tell her you're not a morning person and hope she gets the hint!

londonsurrey

I'd be quite straight up about it all. I am not a morning person, and get moods (it turns out it's not a mood, but low sugar, and I've forgotten to eat, doh) when I don't talk and can be somewhat terse.

Friends who have stayed with me know that. I make it clear I simply go through phases of not being my happy bubbly well fed self, and it's not personal. By all means chat, but don't expect a cheery reply. If you want to know what I think, it's that I don't really want to answer you. Simple.

thehappybutterfly

This sounds EXACTLY like me! I'm a real morning person (once I have my first coffee in me) and I used to car share with a friend who was much quieter in the mornings. She used to just laugh and shake her head and resign herself to my inane chatter for the 30 minutes into work. But then she got her own back with her non-stop gassing and off-loading on the way home so it balanced itself out.

Does she chat less when it's her turn to drive? Maybe concentrates on the road a little more?

Maybe once you're accustomed to each other's moods things will quieten down. She maybe feels like she has to be an interesting car-mate and fears boring you to sleep at the wheel and is over compensating?

londonsurrey

Actually, we have a standing joke about the hamster glare.

If you've ever had a hamster, you'll probably know what I mean. They're nocturnal, and don't appreciate being woken up. If you wake one up, it squints myopically up at you, and glares. That's me in the morning.

Hamsters take it further. If you try to make the peace by proffering something not to its liking, it sometimes bashes it out of your hand. Mine were Russian hamsters.

Tiny, the size of a golf ball, but attitude enough to match anyone. Lol

claire21

Yank the handbrake on and shout Shushhhhhhhhhh

*Beki*

Thanks for the replies! I am actually a morning person, so it's not that I don't want to talk, it's just that I am generally a quieter person than her. It's not just in the car in the morning, it's at any time of day! lol. And when I do talk, I like to talk about interesting topics rather than just filling the silences with whatever comes into your head! I guess that's my fault for not initiating the conversation.

Do you get that thing where with some people it's a "companionable silence"? I'm striving for that, haha.

Maybe things will settle down after a few weeks as you say. And I love the sound of your hamsters londonsurrey! Amazing

bride2be2012

My MIL is very much like that, can't stand to be silent so talks about any random rubbish that pops into her head. Drives the rest of us mad, she'll even do it while we're watching tv or a film! Not quite sure what you can do without appearing rude. A few one word answers normally send MIL off in a huff, but at least we get peace for a while lol. FIL just tells her to be quiet!

Hermia

bride2be2012 wrote: »

My MIL is very much like that, can't stand to be silent so talks about any random rubbish that pops into her head.

Ha! I have a friend I don't see very often for this reason. She just talks and talks and talks. She talks about nothing or about things she knows nothing about. I went out for a three hour lunch with her and some other friends and she talked non-stop and none of the rest of us could get a word in! Several people have talked to her about it to no avail. I don't get why people need to keep talking even when they have nothing to contribute.

skattykatty

Totally understand where you're coming from on this one. It's something that will need a compromise. I work with a very chatty colleague and friend and toally appreciate how our differences make us a really good team BUT...sometimes I DO say 'I really need some space to think about this.' OR 'Am really busy with something and I don't want to not listen to what you have to say so can we can back to it during a break?'

I know it's a different situation for you, but perhaps you could let her know you need some quiet time for however many minutes in your morning commute? 'I really want to listen to you, but have some things I want to mull over quietly at the moment, so maybe you can tell me about it later, or in a few moments.'

It's an extrovert's world out there, sigh...retreat in silence...bliss!