How do you not feel like you are working for nothing when you are Old Style?

wondercollie

I stayed home with my boys until the youngest was five and when he started school, I went to nursing school.

We were pretty hard up while they were little. My husband was in the military and in those days we'd have been better off on government assistance than having him serve.

My boys are now 18 and 21. They don't remember what they didn't have but what we did. They still smile when talking about their vacations. Yup, to the Grandparents on the coast. At one point my car only had AM radio and no cassette player. So their Fisher Price cassette player provided the entertainment in the car. We had birthday parties for a car, the dog, the hamster. We grew a pumpkin from a seed, corn that they managed to harvest and eat. The boys were part of my education and still tell the story of the days they attended nursing school. One was a model for a pediatrics exam and the other hung out with classmates while I wrote exams.

The memories they have involve people and really only involve things that either fell apart in a funny manner or broke down!. They remember waiting for their Dad to come home from Bosnia and the kids they hung out with in the hangers, Mum graduating from nursing school in full uniform (they were my escorts, Dad was away again), the dog's final trip to the vet and the celebration of his life (they planned scattering his ashes and threw a wake for the dog, all his dog walking buddies and their humans were invited).

they don't remember that they didn't have Levis or Nikes, or the latest whatever. They remember the people.

paidinchickens

Family of five here.

DH and three boys 16, 12, 10 and DD who is 25 and DGD 6 who have moved out but you wouldn't think it sometimes :rotfl:

DH and I met 5 ish years ago, both divorced both clean slate and the only debt was the mortgages (high because consolidated)

The biggest saving, apart from bills that we have shaved as much as we can, is reading the local paper and finding the local jumbles.

Once upon a time I would not even go into a CS, now I don't go in as they are usually too expensive :rotfl:

Jumbles have saved my a fortune and you will be surprised what pops up. Electrical items are usually pennies as charity shops can't sell them unless they are tested but jumbles they tend to give them away for a donation.

You soon get to know the regulars and some of them have been at it years, plus if its no good when you get it home you can bang it on ebay and maybe put the money towards what you feel your missing.

Our boys used to be a little funny but now they can't wait to see what I have in my bags :rotfl:

PiCx

grumpybear_3

Some really good suggestions up thread.

I don't have any kids so cant help there but agree with everything everyone's said about spending time and attention on your kids is more important than money.

Our family didn't have a lot growing up and both my parents worked full on and full time, but still found time to give us lots of love and attention, even if we'd liked to have more of it!

As a kid I used to love all the baking, swimming, camping, walking, museums and stuff that people mentioned up thread.

One of the most important things to me I think is building in some 1-2-1 time with each of the kids with you as parents and helping you care about them as an individual and both see each other's real personality and point of view.

Some of my happiest memories as a kiddo were cuddling with my dad in the armchair and "helping" him eat his dinner when he came home from work which I loved, nothing special, no big deal but having that time when I was No1 was really exciting and fun for me.

I think building this sort of relationship really makes things better in the long run in showing how much you do love and value them, can talk and sympathise with them and how important their problems are to you is a good thing to have in the memory banks for both of you.

Like all teenagers we had our moments, but despite some scary rows when I was a stroppy teenager all the time we'd spent before showed that while we may not have been friends right there and then they still loved me.

Cape_town

although now out the other side (youngest about to leave uni) I well remember those days with no heating, second hand clothes and no ents budget. If not careful you get exhausted trying to have fun on no money. If the sun is shining things are easier, the park or playground and a picnic generally hit the spot, but it is harder in bad weather
The things that were good for us were -
* friends to tea - a friend with similar age child/children to tea. Instant companion/ playmate for at least one child and my chance for a chat and sit down with another adult.
* "new" toys/games/puzzles from the charity shop.
and lastly, on special occasions, we had "fakedonalds" - an animal party box ( for about 20p) frozen chips and nuggets from the supermarket, and hidden in the bottom under a piece of kitchen towel a cheap plastic toy.

[Deleted User]

Been there, and done that like most Mums ,now a Granny of 7 , 4 of whom I look after before and after schoo,l yet we still manage to have fun and not spend too much cash .Whilst their other Granny throws cash at them on the odd occasion I give them my time .The boys all know how to play cards,domino's board games etc ,they also know the inside of the local library and park and are pretty good and having picnice in the summer instead of meals out.Dining out ,even at Maccyds costs a bit when there are 4 boys to fill with hollow legs.
They all know how to cook themselves something to eat and where the sink is for the plates.as their parents both have to work long hours its up to me as their 'carer' to keep them amused and happy .We seem to manage it and we get along pretty well on the whole.in the summer holidays we have one day at home then the next day it maybe swimming or the park.then the next day at home again.I try to find something for them to get interested in every day of the long 6 week break.Last year I got them painting the fence(also a bit of themselves as well :)) but boys are completely washable ,especially with water pistols :) I can bowl a pretty good ball so we play french cricket or go 'crabbing. locally.
wet days I can get a DVD from the libray for about a quid and they take it in turns to choose.We are very democratic and they all get to write down at the beginning of the holidays things they would like to do,and the more free the stuff the better

Ladyluck1

No advice but I am really feeling this too!
We have nothing left at the end of the month as mostly something comes up for me to have to spend our spare £50 on!
It's adding to my depression I think because I feel like we never do anything fun, all my work is just for it to be the same tomorrow/next month.
I'll be reading through for tips

camNolliesMUMMY

Mum of 7 & 2 yr old hyper boys!!!!

I have got library cards for us all and once every two weeks I take the kids to pick some books up and some for myself.

I look on council website and google free activities in my area to see what's on and put it on the calender.

We go on little nature walks and when we reach the park dh included we have a kick about. Ice cream in freezer for when we get home hardly ever get it from the van.

I buy a big shop at the beginning of the month. Such as chicken breast etc from makro or Asian market 5-6kg and freeze individually so I can grab only what's needed. All leftover
meats frozen for another day.
Anything that can be frozen It goes in the freezer.
Always keep chicken nuggets, fish fingers in incase of a cba to cook from scratch day.

We decorate pizzas every other Friday and have a film on after school with popcorn drizzled in honey.
Next door neighbour kindly donated her popcorn maker and popping corn bless her and we use it a lot. I let 7 year old out corn in get a bowl and turn it on.

Regulars at the park, take a picnic and a Ball that's an hour and a half sorted.

Found a local farm to me that's free to visit and only £1 for food to feed the animals, a big tractor they can sit on. Found that just by accident lol.

Keep I'm contact with other mums from school and in holidays meet up and do something together. It's good for you and the kids to have someone to play and talk too.

Get them in the garden playing to give you a break.

Grow a veg patch with them!!! They will love having the responsibility of looking after them and you get super cheap veg. Everyone's a winner!!! Grow a sunflower.

I give mine chores to help me a little. They both tidy toys up at the end of the day! Eldest brings his wash basket to me on a Friday, I've also let him put a wash I and shown him how to do it. Even dh can't operate it but our 7yr old can haha.
He helps me wash my car, strip his own bed. I believe it will help him as he grows up to be independent like me.
Even ds2 brings me a nappy when he wants changing, shoes, socks, coat, carries his own nappy bag to the car. All off his own back I guess it's also his way of communicating because he does talk but babbles a lot still.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to sit down and make a plan so you don't feel so isolated and down about money.

I was isolated because of money issues and being £600 overdrawn at one point was the tipping point. I sorted out a diary and went from there. Hope this may help x

Lilyplonk

What a fabulous thread - brought back lots of memories from when my own children were young. They're now aged 41/36/35 and managed to survive my attempts at child-rearing throughout the 70's/80's/90's.

Money was tight (ex-husband out of work for most of that time), roaring inflation meant that prices were rocketing every week, no jobs, food shortages due to strikes etc, beginning of consumerism was creeping in, no Aldi's/Lidl's - only Kwiksave was a bit cheaper, no £ shops, no cheap 'family bus tickets'/travel passes. Mum kept a spare pushchair (bought 3rd-hand from her neighbour) at her house, so that when I visited her I didn't have to struggle on/off the bus with a folded pram as well as children ...................... no 'pram spaces' on buses in those days. When the two youngest were still babies, I used to travel with a pram plus toddler seat on top in the Guard's Van on the train :rotfl:.

As they got older, I took the kids out and 'walked the legs off them' ................. trying my best to think of all the 'free stuff' that I'd done when I was younger and money was tight in my own childhood. They got used to all the places I'd 'discovered 30yrs earlier' - local quarry with caves - local lakes/dams for nature watching - parks for playing on swings/climbing frames.

We had a Video Recorder/Player, and I would record cartoons for days when they were sick or the weather was too bad to go out.

I spent quite a lot of time meeting up with my sister and her three children in parks - all around the same age - which made up enough numbers for 'team games'. Football/Rounders is far better when you've got 'sides'. Cut up orange/apple/banana (much better than asking them to SHARE one of each among 6 ) for 'half-time' and lots & lots of v-e-r-y dilute fruit juice/water - we each had a couple of Hyperactive ones, so avoided E-numbers/fizzy Cola like the plague.

My children have grown up to become very 'self-sufficient adults' and run their lives with good common sense and THRIFT - youngest in particular is so inventive that she even surprises ME with the things that she does :T.


Hopefully, with so many young mothers struggling today, this thread will run and run now that it's resurfaced again ................

Check out sites like 'Net Mums' for ideas - it's a goldmine of local information.

[Deleted User]

Lilyplonk this was my life too during the late 1960s and early 70s. No, or very little money, and prices that made your eyes water.Trying to balance the budget and let the kids have fun as well seemed an impossible task.But we managed to get through, interest rates at 15% on mortgages, and as you say no Lidls/Aldis to help out or the availability of the internet to help you do things .

It was walking everywhere if possible.In 1967-71 we lived in a very small flat with a shared toilet and no bath(I walked to my sis-in-laws every week with the kids for the luxury of a hot bath) She lived around 5 miles away and it was a day's expedition with the children in the pram. Baby at one end and toddler sitting on the other.I would bake some cakes and scones for my sis-in-law in exchange for a bath for me and the children.The rest of the time it was a wash down in the sink in the kitchen.But it was doable.

Sunday mornings my OH would take the children to the local park on the swings and I would have a blessed hour or so to myself :) It was bliss just to have that golden hour when I could do what I fancied, and not have to think about two small people, and how to keep them happy in a very small flat.
Winter time was sometimes a problem,just getting clothes dry was in itself hard.we had an open fire with a guard around and often nappies strung around the room on a line.No disposable ones in those days (couldn't have afforded them anyway)
But like all hard times you just get on with it and learn to cope.I sadly had no Mum to take the kids to as she had died when I was 16, but I had a great friend in the lady upstairs, who was like a second Mum to me and adored the kids. She would come down and say "Come on its time you and Alan went out for the evening I'll watch the kids off you go" Even just a walk to the local for a half for him and a coke for me was a treat.When you have very little to spare you appreciate what you have more I think.

In todays standards I would have thought I was very well-off back then. Now I have all mod-cons and don't have to think twice if I need to buy anything. But frugality is ingrained in me, having grown up with rationing and the post-war restrictions, then the inflation and power cuts of the 1970s.Today I feel lucky that I'm no longer in that sort of situation ,but I still shop carefully, and never waste anything. I have a tinned store that can keep me fed for at least a month if not more, and I can if I had to live on my stores in the cupboard or f/freezer ( didn't have one of those either back then ) without going shopping for at least a fortnight if not more.In those days I had a very small fridge with a minute freezer part that was filled with a packet of peas.No batch baking then, it was shopping every day almost and things were bought to streeeetch.The Sunday joint did at least three, if not four days.So OS is just a normal way of life to me and I don't find it tedious I quite enjoy making what I have streetch and often because of this I can help my DD out with odds and ends.She has four lads who could eat for England bless them but they are good boys and with eat almost anything put in front of them. No fussiness at all.I can remember the most exotic thing I bought for my OH to eat back in the 1970s was a Vesta chicken curry,only once though as he said the box probably tasted better than the contents.made my own eventually after that.:):):)
It can be depressing when your broke and everyone else seems to be having a better time than you ,but often the richer people aren't happier than you just richer.My sis-in-law then had more moent than me but I wouldn't have said she was happy she was always complaining about the daftest things.Her and my brother parted before the end of the 1970s and I could understand why as she was never satisfied with what she had and always wanted more.She is on her fourth husband now and still not a happy lady.Sad really as my brother did his best for her.I was lucky with my late OH as he was very happy-go-lucky, like me and always saw the brighter side of life.Our glass was always half full and not half empty.I enjoy life today and lead quite a busy one with my grandchildren and family around me.I am so lucky that my two children !!! (45 & 47) live close by and are fantastic ladies.Money really doesn't matter that much if you have your family and your health.But you never realise that until you are older.OK so bills can be worrying and often money can be tight but if the sun is shining and the sky is blue and the kids give you a cuddle that's worth much more than cash to me.

softpad

I can highly recommend buying a copy of the tightwad gazette. It is a brilliant book and has helped our family with this problem an awful lot.