Ideas to Help a New Uni Student, please ...

jjblondie

I'm sorry to hear about your relative. Sadly I can only report that the people I lived with in first year were like that at the beginning, and only proceeded to get worse and worse with drink, vomit, noise and unthinkable things. By mid-year, I was suffering from depression caused by living with 50 inconsiderate imbeciles. She can probably tell if this seems like first week excitement or a greater problem (sounds to me like the latter). I didn't have the courage to move rooms and it just deteriorated - please urge her to change buildings.

The other poster who suggested the chaplaincy is so right; it was my saviour to get away from the hell that was my 'home'. You don't need to be religious - it's just a safe and friendly environment to make friends and get away from it all. Plus various groups there may offer you free food .

Mojisola

claire16c wrote: »

So Id definitely advise that she moves rooms. Yes its a gamble but seems like it cant get much worse anyway!

There's probably someone else who is really miserable (because he/she is a hard-drinking, noisy, party animal and is living with a group of quiet, studious, tidy people) who would love to switch rooms!

Person_one

Does she know anybody in a really quiet flat who would prefer a livelier one and wants to swap?

Do any of her current flatmates have friends who live in flats that are too 'boring' for them who would jump at the chance to swap and live in her 'party' flat?

Honestly, drinking, having parties, even smoking a bit of weed aren't shocking behaviour for students, especially this early on while their student loans are burning a hole and they're excited about having so much freedom.

The problem is incompatibility, if she can engineer a swap with someone having the opposite problem she should be fine. Accommodation staff are normally happy to do swaps as long as the people involved both want to, its not much work for them.

nomadical

I think most halls are like this for at least the first couple of weeks, as somebody else said it's the first time most have lived away from home and everybody seems to get carried away with the new found independence!

Some will calm down after studying sets in (or loans are all spent far too quickly!) and some just won't. Mine didn't, it was continuous partying all through the year, every night of the week. We had 10 in our flat and only two (unisex) toilets and showers between us. It was disgusting!

I think if your relative is feeling like this already it's definitely time to think about changing rooms. Depression and loneliness are horrible things to deal with at any time, never mind when you're away from home for the very first time and miles away from your family. It can be extremely isolating.

I think your relative needs to change rooms in the hope of meeting more like minded people who she can enjoy spending her time with, not those she is afraid of. Uni can be great fun, I hope things work out for her

totallybored

I'm going to disagree with the majority here suggesting she tries to move. I think she should give it another week or two and wait until everyone has settled into lectures to see if the situation is still the same. If it is then she should switch rooms but it might calm down. She could switch now and get something even worse. They've had nothing to do all this week and most freshers go a bit mad in their first week away from home. Also, they only all know each other at the moment so all their drinking etc has been done together, this might change. I don't think the sick in the kitchen sink is too uncommon with students either!

She could be in a hall full of students doing 20+ hours a week, all with 9am lectures. And they then might all go and make friends on those courses and join various societies and never do anything together. Alternatively, half of them might be philosophy students with only 4 hours of lectures a week who don't have to get up until 2pm so can stay up until 4am getting stoned and the other half might join the rugby team and practice their drinking games in the kitchen every night.

clearingout

I was a quiet student, not beyond a good night out, but needed my sleep and still do....as a small concession, I would suggest buying a pack of wax ear plugs from Boots (less than £3 a pack of 10 - I personally split one ear plug into two so they last longer and I re-use which the packet tells you not to) which won't stop the problem, but which will greatly reduce the affects of it. Some 20 years later, I still use ear plugs and honestly wouldn't have got through my year in halls, time spent living in modern, paper-thin walled flats in London and squaddie neighbours without them!

I hope that doesn't sound flippant as I don't mean it to...it's not a solution but it will help. Oh, and she will still hear fire alarms so don't worry about that!

Gloomendoom

Speaking from my own experience, it didn't get better as the term went on, it got worse. Luckily it didn't really bother me as I was one of the awful people making all the noise.

rosered1963

It's no problem to change halls. If it is a collegiate university, all colleges have a "quiet" block, usually called D block, where people can live if they want peace. I'm sure other universities have quiet blocks and rooms as well. Student needs to see college authorities to move - it's not a big deal and lots of people do it.

To be honest though, being an undergraduate university student is about learning how to deal with these problems yourself. You are an adult negotiating your way around other people's behaviour, while still having to do (hopefully) a very demanding course of study. It teaches you how to deal with people, negotiate etc, which means that on graduating, you can handle pretty much anything, as well as being educated. Hope it works out.

eilidh_s

Having been a student stuck in various halls at various different stages of education, I can advise only this, first year students are generally wild and unruly and as the seriousness of their qualification sits in, the more sensible they will be.

However there are students which are the exception that proves the rule and there is usually plenty of scope fro moving rooms and swapping dorms.

GraceJamesMum

Thanks again everyone for comments - a mix and match of all things have happened over the weekend, so she is feeling a bit more positive now.

Earplugs were bought, accommodation officer was visited, a couple of new friends made and she has got into the second week! :T

I agree that she is an adult, but our worry is the previous issues of anxiety, depression (and self harming). However, she has re-iterated to us all that she LOVES her course and is going to work through the problems, so, I guess she is becoming that self reliant adult!!

Guess the dark evenings are the worst, but she is Skyping everyone alot, so she WILL get through it.

Thanks again. xx