Ideas to Help a New Uni Student, please ...

GraceJamesMum

Hi all

A relative has just started at university and is living in halls of residence (went down there on Saturday). For the first couple of days, she went out with her other flat mates, and all fine - had a quiet drink, had fun, etc. They are 'nice people'.

However, since then, it hasn't stopped - barr my relative and one other foreign student, the others are basically getting p****d and stoned everynight. Yesterday, she (and all her other flat mates) got a letter from the uni saying that the halls were non smoking and cigarette butts were found in the kitchen .. basically a first warning of a fine next time. My relative doesn't smoke.

On her first day there, relative had to call out maintenance guy with a problem in her room - when he got there, the guy next door was spliffing up and got cautioned.

Last night we were skyping and relative was in tears - again, flat mates were going out, getting drunk and high beforehand and basically making a right royal racket shouting, banging on doors, etc - said all week have been going out at 11pm and getting home around 4am. Last night, someone had been sick in the kitchen sink and a chair had been broken.

I'm hoping that this is Fresher's week behaviour, but have no real experience of anyone being at Uni, so can only assume that it will settle down and stop once they are properly on their course?

To make matters works, relative has a history of anxiety and depression and, to put it bluntly, she is s**t scared and intimidated by her flat mates. This is her frest start doing a course which she is passionate about. We have advised to go and speak to her tutor today and try and mix with some of the other people on her course, but it's so hard on her mum and I when we are miles away.

Have also suggested that her mum call the welfare officer at the Uni, as they should be aware of her past medical records ... not to step in as a nosey mum, but just to make them aware and as support for her too really - she has been in tears since last night too

Sorry, bit of a long post, hope it makes sense. Just looking for a bit of support and any suggestions from anyone with experience at Uni?

Amanda65

It's so hard being far away isn't it?

My two eldest DD's are both at uni (one 2nd year, one third year) and the first couple of weeks in the first year are a bit 'wild' with everyone away from home for the first time, given money and freedom and tends to go for it. From experience it does calm down when the courses actually start and students have to be in for 9am lectures and have work to do.

However, your relative should not have to put up with vomit in her sink and the threat of fines etc. Some of my daughter's friends changed rooms in the first couple of weeks when it became apparent that people weren't going to turn up / dropped out so this may be a possibility. I would suggest that the young lady speaks to both her uni accommodation services (assume they allocated the halls) and her welfare person to advise how uncomfortable she feels. Things will change, she will make friends on her course with others much more like her and spend time with them and by Christmas will be planning who she lives with next year but in the meantime she needs to take steps to try and make the current situation bearable.

tea_lover

It may be that changing rooms will make all the difference. Could she speak to her welfare officer/tutor/accommodation officer/someone in the SU (there will be someone who can help) and see if there's a quieter part of halls where she'd be happier.

I hated my first year at uni for similar sorts of reasons. Although I tried to keep up with all the partying and ended up with a rather difficult relationship with alcohol and no self-esteem. Once I was in a house in my 2nd year with some quieter people it was much better. We still went out and had a laugh but I didn't feel the need to drink till I passed out every night to 'prove myself'.

Sorry, waffling a bit now but my point was she needs to speak someone and there will be lots of people there only too happy to help once they know there's a problem.

GraceJamesMum

Thanks Amanda65 and Tealover, appreciate your comments. She has said that she will speak to her tutor this morning, so hopefully she will feel better for just talking to someone down there.

She is loving her course, so we are hoping this is just a 'blip', but have passed on your comments to my sister for support.

Thanks again! :T

tea_lover

Hope she gets something sorted soon. The first term is such a learning curve in all sorts of ways. Finding some like-minded people to spend time with can be a godsend, so I'd really recommend she looks for some societies that interest her. Most uni's have a society for pretty much everything, from hiking, to crochet, to folk singing, to rock music... and everything else you can think of. Making some friends from other halls, or not on campus at all, can help as there's somewhere to escape to if the people you live with are being tools.

Igottawii!!

My niece has just gone off to Uni and is a very quiet person, she was given the option of quiet accommodation and she seems very happy with it - is this an option at your relatives Uni?

Hermia

I actually rented a room in a person's house when I was at university. I couldn't stand sharing with students. Obviously the downside was ending up a bit isolated.

Looking back I wish I had actually changed university. Drinking and drugs seemed to be a big part of the culture of the university I went to. It didn't get better even as we approached the final year. I just accepted it as I thought all unis were like that. It was only later when I met people who had been to different universities that I realised that this isn't the case.

gildius

I hope she's managed to move rooms! When I was at uni I was on a really good floor, and if I was on a different floor in the building I think I would have been in a similar position. I'd recommend her making friends with people on her course, or joining a club with likeminded people. She'll probably have to put up with it all for a year, but then she can move in with people she really likes and it'll all be fine. Good luck

GraceJamesMum

Igottawii!! wrote: »

My son has just gone off to Uni and is a very quiet person, he was given the option of quiet accommodation and he seems very happy with it - is this an option at your relatives Uni?

Not sure, on this - will pass on the question, thank you!!

sibles

This may sound controversial, but it helped me - I had a very similar experience in my first year, but did make other course friends quickly.

My controversial suggestion is is there a chaplaincy? After a particularly bad night I found myself there. I didn't get help as such, but just somewhere to go, as a sanctuary. It was just what I needed.

Good luck to your niece.
xxx

charlieann

She needs to speak to the welfare officer, maybe have a chat to the other student who's not joining in the excessive partying and ask them to go with her.
I rented a room in the 'quiet halls'. There was one student in our corridor who chose to smoke drugs and drink all night, most nights. They chose to do this in common areas with the halls rep joining in. We made a complaint to welfare officer, they were asked to find alternative accomadation and had moved within a week. Later on in the year, when the student loans ran out, people started staying in more and having loud parties in the common room (right below my room) during the week. A 4am voice mail left for the welface officer and I was offered an alternative room the next day.
They were also helpful during the second year with my landlord when I wanted to move house due to a volitile housemate. (Enabled me to move to another house owned by landlord so didnt need to break lease)