Debt Consolidation

Jo4

Tixy wrote: »

Have you spoken to her today? How is she taking things?

Has she agreed to talk to one of the debt charities?

Does her husband realise the full extent of their finances? Is he ok with her talking to you about it?
Could you sit with them both, help them work out an accurate SoA and leave it with them for them to look over and see just how large a shortfall they have every month, even whilst she has the 2 jobs.

I spoke to her this evening and she appeared very disappointed that I have not got it sorted for her!

She was leaving her almost 21 year old to work before she went back to work herself. I didn't get telling her about the debt charities yet.

Her husband knows the full extent of their finances but he leaves her to sort out the finances. He did suggest changing from NIE to Budget Energy as it would be cheaper but she didn't think he was correct until I said he was. Imho his light bulb might flicker for a milli second. He is fine with her talking to me about it as he reckons if anyone can get them out of this it is me. He knows that I will never actually tell anyone who they are or anything they have told me. No one actually knows me on here.

I could possibly try on Sunday to get an accurate SOA before the two oldest children go back to university. I will print of the SOA that I have posted here and let them look at it, maybe the lightbulb will flicker?!?

barbarawright

You're a very good friend but don't feel guilty because you can't sort their problems which must have taken years to build up. You can't apply for loans without the full information (do both adults work?) and, frankly, they aren't going to get a loan anyway. The *only* way they can get out this mess is by reducing their spending - even if they refinance / enter a DMP /go bankrupt, they'll still need to spend less. And that's going to take rather more effort than just switching energy providers. You may have to give them the information about debt charities and back off. Don't, for the love of all that's holy, lend them money yourself unless you can afford to lose it.

Jo4

barbarawright wrote: »

You're a very good friend but don't feel guilty because you can't sort their problems which must have taken years to build up. You can't apply for loans without the full information (do both adults work?) and, frankly, they aren't going to get a loan anyway. The *only* way they can get out this mess is by reducing their spending - even if they refinance / enter a DMP /go bankrupt, they'll still need to spend less. And that's going to take rather more effect than just switching energy providers. You may have to give them the information about debt charities and back off. Don't, for the love of all that's holy, lend them money yourself unless you can afford to lose it.

She works, he got paid of and hasn't got work since although now he looks after the 2 youngest children instead which does save money.

Hubby & I helped them out with Santa last year and we haven't got it back yet but we didn't want to see the children with nothing on Christmas morning.

barbarawright

In an earlier post you said they were in danger of losing their house. Yet all hubby is prepared to do is ask you to change his energy supplier? I know you're concerned for their children but you need to show them the DFW forum (plenty of ideas for making money from home there) and step back a bit.

poppy10_2

Jo4 wrote: »

She said they are on the cheapest package possible

She's lying.

Heffi1

I know you are trying your best to help your friend, but unless both of them take stock and realise what a mess they are in, I forsee you helping them out for ever.

It is not fair for your friend to get upset that you have not solved their problem.

They need to wake up and see what is happening, what is going to happen if you decide you cannot help them anymore.

They made this mess and now is the time that they have to sort it out themselves.

ETA: If they do not sort this out for themselves and learn to budget then you are going to be having this conversation again and again. It is time they stopped spending, started paying back what they owe and I would point them to the DFW board and companies like CCCS and Payplan so that they can start to put thing right.

I know it is difficult with this being your friend, but you are in danger of making yourself ill with worry about their problems.

laurel7172

barbarawright wrote: »

Don't, for the love of all that's holy, lend them money yourself unless you can afford to lose it.

Or guarantee a loan unless you can afford to pay the lot...

Jo4

barbarawright wrote: »

In an earlier post you said they were in danger of losing their house. Yet all hubby is prepared to do is ask you to change his energy supplier? I know you're concerned for their children but you need to show them the DFW forum (plenty of ideas for making money from home there) and step back a bit.

That was one of his suggestions to reduce their outgoings to get them out of the mess they currently find themselves in. She is just after telephoning and he is beside her so he is interested in getting this sorted.

I fear they might lose their home because if they cannot afford their debt is a home not one of the first things to go?!? I don't have any debt, it was hubby's mortgage which he has repaid in full, we have no loans, no HP and our credit cards are paid in full every month. We save for everything weekly and if we cannot afford it we do without. Therefore you can see that I know nothing about mortgages and hence why I fear they might lose their home.

Jo4

poppy10 wrote: »

She's lying.

I have had a phone call from my father this morning that he reckons he has a virus on his computer and he needs a file of it for this evening so I need to go and get my own things done, go and see if I can get his computer fixed again with the help of MSE users :A and then I hope to visit this couple and get a more accurate SOA as well as show them the responses.

I will ask her for her BT bill to see if there is anything which can be done with it.

Jo4

Heffi1 wrote: »

I know it is difficult with this being your friend, but you are in danger of making yourself ill with worry about their problems.

You are definitley correct there as I feel physically sick when I think about it. I did think things were bad but just not as bad as they appear to be. :eek: