How to make it all work!?

thefamousexcuse

Hey guys hope your all ok, and enjoying the week so far.

I am completely stuck in a rut at the moment and would love for all your OS' to throw some of your amazing wisdom my way... So here it goes.....

As some of you may know, have just been promoted at work (Which actually I thought would be amazing!!) and its not going as well as I thought, its alot harder and time consuming than I expected it to be, meaning alot more time spent at work and then still bringing work home with me. Generally when I come home I am either in a foul mood or just want to go to sleep. So this is having a knock on effect with everything else...

Meal planning has completely gone out of the window, I can sit and plan for the week ahead but can't actually make it work with the changing of shifts, the general can't be bothered attitude or deciding to go for a "quick" drink after work and then being out all night (Not very OS I know, and OH hates that!) So obviously that means all the fresh shopping that was bought is binned, and we end up eating junk ... if we eat at all. (Which is 1. a complete waste of money 2. Me not looking after my OH at all which upsets me and 3. Just NOT me! )

Keeping on top of the housework and what not again is completely non exisitant, (don't get me wrong the house is clean but doing the dusting and hoovering at half 3 in the morning when I have to be up at 6 is not my idea of fun.) There just seems to be no organisation in the house, literally there is just "stuff" every where, this is not helped by the fact OH is a complete magpie and keeps everything! I have never lived like this and really don't start and plan to now.

I have this amazing idea of how things should be, I would love to emulate the brilliant woman my granmother was in reguards to the house and keeping the family. She worked, had a very good career, raised two children, looked after her husband and still kept a rediculously clean house, and was still smiling at the end of it. The more I try to recreate this the more it just seems to fall into nothing and drive me completely crazy! :eek:

Money is of course another thing, but I think most of us are in the same boat at the moment. There just isnt enough of it! I have never been this broke in my life, have been comfortable. So now I am finiding it really hard to bring into line my spending and trying to make the months wages stretch for more than the two/three weeks they are currently lasting. Saving any of them just doesnt even seem a possibility ... which is rediculous because it SHOULD be!

Everything just seems to be running away with me at the minute so any advice, tips or just a general kick up the backside would be greatly appreciated from you lovely lot.

Sorry for such a long post, just needed a ramble before I completely loose the plot.

Massive hugs to anyone who needs them
Loads of love
TFE
xxx

xx_Jo_xx

Hey,

I dont have all the answers for you Im afraid, but I didnt want to read and run either. I am in a similar boat where there are just not enough hours in the day!

Ive just become a full time student again, after years working full time. Im a single mum, I also still work part time and have to schedule time for LO and his activites to keep his routine as normal as possible!

Money is non-existant, as is time to plan and clean!!

I do follow the flylady thread to help keep up with the Chores (like you, the house isnt bad but I need to keep on top of it). I dont do everything on the lists religiously... as with most of the flyladies, I do what I can when I can. Or I do what is most important in my house - But I do find that if I just do half hour bursts or do things at the same time as other things (carry laundry to bedrooms as I go upstairs for a pee, clean down the shower when I get in it, the basin when I wash my hands etc etc...etc). It does all make a big difference in the house.

I try to buy food which can either be cooked quickly when I get home, or can go in the slow cooker first thing in the morning and be ready to eat when I get home! I dont have a freezer, so would love to be able to batch cook on my days off, and heat it up when I come home but I dont have that luxury at the moment...

I appreciate lots of this is impossible for you if your only getting to bed at 3am and up again at 6am! But Im here to listen

Can you enlist your family to help? Draw up some kind of rota?

Jo xx

WantToBeSE

The first thing i would ask is- does your OH do his share of the housework/cooking/meal planning?

If not, why not? Does he work full time?

thefamousexcuse

Wow thanks for the quick reply guys, most appreciated.

xx_Jo_xx wrote: »

Money is non-existant, as is time to plan and clean!!

This is very true! Its just all getting a bit much to handle becuause I have never lived like this. The flylady thread confuses me. I know that sounds reall stupid but I just dont understand it. Think I may need to have a serious re-read of that!

The OH does urm, well I would like to say I know what he does but atm I am rather unsure. Don't get me wrong he is not lazy, he works (PT around 16hours a week) and takes his kids to school and activities and what not, but since they are from a previous relationship he spends alot of time out of the house, seeing them and what not. (Not that I am making excuses for him because he could do more.) As reguards to cooking and meal planning ... its easier and less hassle to do it myself as his idea of cooking is a microwave meal :eek: According to him, he has lived like that for so long (Since his last relationship broke down and he lived on his own again) he finds it difficult to go back to being the old him. So in theory its anyones guess.

TFE
xxx

xx_Jo_xx

Pah... dont read the whole thread for now... the thread can move quickly and you dont have the time to spend reading through it all! Just the first post is all you need. A new day is added each evening - a list for the following day.

You could print out the list on a Sunday Night and have your list for the week ahead...rather than following the thread real-time, just work it to suit you! Stick it up in the kitchen and instruct your OH that these are the jobs that the house needs. When one of you do something, Score it off so it doesnt get done twice and you can move on to something else.

Would he go for that? xx

IE... this is last weeks list... you could use that for the coming week.... Dont like whats on there, just change it to suit you and your house. Thats what I do

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=55883463&postcount=1

WantToBeSE

thefamousexcuse wrote: »

Wow thanks for the quick reply guys, most appreciated.



This is very true! Its just all getting a bit much to handle becuause I have never lived like this. The flylady thread confuses me. I know that sounds reall stupid but I just dont understand it. Think I may need to have a serious re-read of that!

The OH does urm, well I would like to say I know what he does but atm I am rather unsure. Don't get me wrong he is not lazy, he works (PT around 16hours a week) and takes his kids to school and activities and what not, but since they are from a previous relationship he spends alot of time out of the house, seeing them and what not. (Not that I am making excuses for him because he could do more.) As reguards to cooking and meal planning ... its easier and less hassle to do it myself as his idea of cooking is a microwave meal :eek: So in theory its According to him, he has lived like that for so long (Since his last relationship broke down and he lived on his own again) he finds it difficult to go back to being the old him. anyones guess.

TFE
xxx

How long has it been since he has lived on his own? He needs to realise he isnt a batchelor anymore, and is in a relationship, not living with his parent who will do everything for him.

If you work more hours that he does, he should do at least half of the housework, cooking etc.

SpikyHedgehog

Have some hugs and a cup of tea firstly, and then congratulations on the promotion at work!

Must admit, I agree with WantToBeSE - OH is an adult and I'm sure quite happy to reap the benefits of your hard work whether money earning at work or housework at home! He needs to be contributing to the running of the house, or this is going to damage your relationship. Having been there, this is the sad voice of experience...

I hear what you're saying about your grandmother, but you weren't there when she started to create her routines and get the hang of doing stuff, so don't know how much angst she had or how much help she had. You are you, so focus on that and do the best you can!

Now, if you're vacuuming and dusting at 3.30am and getting up at 6 am, I make that less that 3 hours sleep... So you're not going to be able to focus on work, or housework, or cooking, or spending time with OH - so, the action I'd suggest doing first is getting a good sleep hygiene pattern. The dust will wait and so will the vacuuming. Yes, you both need food, and you need to get to work, and you & OH need to spend time together.

So, do as xx_Jo_xx suggests and get food that can easily be cooked when you get in or left in the slow cooker all day (& bonus points if you can get enough in the slow cooker to then heat up quickly the next day!). Focus on quick healthy breakfasts and packed lunches - I'd go for cereal and milk, cans of soup and a bread roll, fruit and yoghurt - so you're well nourished to cope with work and come home to cook.

I find when I come home if the kitchen is clean and tidy and I have a meal plan and the ingredients for it. If you did the shopping list for the meal plan, would OH get the stuff for it & keep the kitchen clean for you to be able to come home & cook in it? Then if you've got leftovers from the slow cooker, he can heat those up in the microwave for you both.

I would be inclined to put up a weekly planner with what each of you are doing as well as the household jobs from the flylady thread. (& I'm another who's not got to grips with that, so thank you Jo for the suggestions!) So I'd put up the 7 days of the week and write down when you leave for work, when you get in from work, not your work hours, get OH to write down his work hours including travel time, and his commitments to his children. Put sleep time, the time you should be sleeping, not when you are at the moment! Then you can both see where the time for housework is coming - maybe you agree that Saturday am is a good time for you to work together and do the laundry and vacuuming, maybe you see you could do 30 minutes each day while OH does an hour every other day.

The money is going on fast food and after work drinks... but you know that So tackle that - I found Weezl's meal planner really useful http://www.cheap-family-recipes.org.uk/index.html?opt=rcost
when Errant Husband left so I had to reduce costs for me & my sons.

Think about what it is you like about the after work drinks - the alcohol? Add a bottle of white wine (or preferred drink!) to the shopping. The companionship? Invite friends round to your house once a week for curry or chili. Avoiding going home to see messy house? Find somewhere in the house where you can keep it clean and tidy (lock the door if needed!) so you can picture 'going home to get changed in the spare room/have a cup of tea at the dining table/lounge on your bed & catch up with MSE' for half an hour when you get in to get out of the work mindset, setting the timer and saying to yourself 'Not doing anything till the timer's gone off, then I'll (do x)'.

Sorry for the essay! I just thinking of more stuff to say... Good luck, and remember you can do it

Linda32

Hi,

I didn't want to read and run either

As Jo said, please don't even try to read the whole flylady thread, its pretty impossible to keep up. Just click on page one and the new jobs for each day are listed.

Obviously you don't have to do it all, just stage one would be fine. I have to say that I find it much easier to have it listed for me :T as I end up feeling I have so much to do, not knowing where to start, and end up doing nothing I'm the same as you in that our house is clean and tidy, I just have high standards which don't match with full time work

I think you mentioned meal planning. I would say forget receipes and lists around those. With respect to everyone who reads this reply, thats great if you've got the time to give over to receipes and can start cooking early enough for the dinner to be on the table by 6.00pm or whenever.

I'll tell you our meal plan for this week and how I worked it out

Myself and OH, no children

Sunday, I roasted a chicken during the afternoon and that became dinner. Froze the rest in portions suitable for both of us.
These portions will then be defrosted and re-heated in bisto (you might think this sounds yuk!!! ) with roasts and veggies
Or mixed into a jar of curry sauce and a batch of rice made.

Again, jars of sauce might not be your idea of a decent dinner but I've never mastered currys. There not that bad, they are quick and an awful lot cheaper than a take-away.

So these a couple of meals, easy to write down, just make a note to take the chicken out of the freezer the night before you need it to defrost.
Leave the piece of paper where you are likely to see it so you remember

Monday, Filled pasta shape things (supermarket fridges) with Salad. - Making shopping list as you write these down.

Tuesday, Burger in bun, with cheese, OH had bacon as well and rest of salad.

When you buy the buns, make sure you freeze the remaining rather than letting them go off and wasting. The freezer is your friend here.
Now you also have another meal, (if you go for this. The rest of the burgers and the buns) You can get decent burgers. We have Aberdeen Angus from Aldi

Wednesday, I do directly to the supermarket to do my mothers shopping.
OH has a BLT, he makes it :T So a packet of bacon on the shopping list. Freeze into to rasher portions. Bacon taken out of the freezer last night for tonight.

Thursday, OH will have Chili jacket spud (I don't like chili so I just buy him a tin). I could make a Chili but as I don't like it, I don't make it. One half of the tin is frozen, he only has half.
I've got pasta bake. I make a big one of these and freeze into portions. Re-heated in the oven with extra cheese over.

So there you go. The unhealthy aspects of those meals and there are many are counter-balanced with the fact that we also have fruit/veggies and salad things. They are quick and it works for us :T

I can't help much with the promotion. The very idea would make me run a mile, for the reasons you have said. I can only say that it must be like starting a new job and it will get easier as everything does as you get more used to it. Very very best of luck its not something I fancy doing.

HTH

cornishchick

hi TFE
when I started my new job, i felt overwhelmed, so talked to my line manager, she went through what was expected of me and it turned out i was doing stuff that wasn't my job, this lessened the load a little.


my advice and my mantra, take it one bit at a time, break down the issues and deal with each one,
like the others have said, make a list of jobs for the house , who will do them ect.
can your OH have his kids over at yours for an evening a week, then he can cook for all of you. and involve them in the process.

once you have the cleaning at a point that you can all cope with, turn to meal planning.

take my motto to heart....

" the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time,":A

duchy

What kind of man works part-time and sits back and allows his partner who works fulltime to be doing housework at 3am ???

I'm not sure who is dafter-him for letting you or you for doing it.

Sorry but I think he's taking the Michael-either he's your partner or he isn't-and if he is he needs to wake up !

Emthemist

Hi TFE,

I find the flylady thread really manic too. I liked the idea though so I googled calendar templates and made myself a two-week housework calendar. Everything only gets done once a fortnight, but that is what I find manageable with my long hours in the car, and there are only two of us so it doesn't get too bad. Make sure if you take this on, that you also factor in days off - I have Wednesdays and Saturdays - so that if you miss a day for whatever reason you can catch up. Or if you don't miss a day, you can sit on your backside and feel a bit smug. It only takes half an hour, so perhaps you could get dinner on, do your little job, then sit and eat knowing you don't have to do any more housework.

Perhaps OH could chop the veg, or peel potatoes for you before you get home to speed you up? Or if you know you're leaving late maybe he could pick up your housework job for that day?

Just small suggestions but my biggest tip is just try to get into a routine, and bring OH kicking and screaming along with you!

Em