Need help just with life really...

Jo_R_2

It was actually the workload that put me off initially when I first thought about it, I have a good friend who is a primary school teacher and she told me about the amount of work she has to do outside of the classroom.

I have been looking into it anyway and to be honest the interview process terrifies me! Mind you I am always telling myself off for avoiding things through fear like the prospect of a new job, and doing interviews, so I shall enquire anyways and then see if it is do-able or not.

And the midwifery was something I had been planning on doing next year, but those plans were made before ex left. The shifts and hours would really not work for me at this point I don't think, plus as mentioned the financial side of things. A real shame as I was really set on it but hey... that's life as they say...

Peakma

Just wanted to say good luck in your future.
I am nearly 30 (only a couple of weeks away now)and also feel like it's a time to re-assess future and mini-midlife crisis.My partner and I have 3 kids aged 3,7 and 8 and I am a full time Mum,they are all hard work and very trying at times,I also feel terrible after shouting at them.It is a lot easier now but when the boys were both little it was harder.Leaving the house seems like such a chore,forcing the tv off annd game boy/ds off,breakfast,washing,dressing teeth cleaning socks shoes coats etc takes forever and drives me mad,then comes all the "can I bring this with me's " then "I can't find it!"........
At the moment partner and I seem fairly stable but it does often get to the point where I think it would be easier doing it alone.He is often just like another kid to look after,and encourages them to ignore me,gggrr! he also thinks he works hard,and I just potter about all day.Somedays we do take it easy,others I try so hard to cook,clean entertain little one do the washing etc etc,and it is frustrating to have to stop for lunch and,"I need a wee....." "play with me..." "can we bet the duplo/playdough out...""make a den" "read me a story..." and so on,then it's 3 o'clock so soon have to collect the boys give them attention,cook tea,clear up.bath time bedtime,then he does nothing I still have loads left to do.
There have been times when I've considered anti-depressants,but I know there not for me.Pill popping is not the answer.
If your ex is reliable and trust worthy sort out some regular times when he has the kids,and you can enjoy taking a break.
Don't beat your self up for being a bit tetchy you've had a major change of life and need to mentally adjust to your new situation,it's natural for it to seem awkward till you have chance to get used to it.
Enjoy your little ones,because they grow up so quick,can't beieve how grown up mine are already.
I still don't get a bath in peace though,as my 3 year old insists on scrubbing my back for me and the boys burst in and laugh at my boobies! then I tell them to go away,then they are desperate for a poo,etc etc!

Jet

Jo. You are definetely in a period of mourning. Mourning for what you wanted and what you didn't get.

It takes a while and there is no quick fix, I'm afraid. Just accept that you're going to feel a bit miserable for a while. I think it's a natural process and one that is necessary. By all means go for counselling but hold off on the anti-depressants unless you find it's so bad you can't function.

Things will fall into place and gradually you will start to feel better. You will catch yourself doing things and realise that you aren't miserable anymore.

summerday

poe.tuesday wrote: »

Hum ... think my partner would disagree with you there and we have a young family, teaching is ideal for our family, he takes the children to school, picks them up and is with them when they are not in school - as for the work he has to do at home - it all gets done not problem, just the same as if he was to have to do housework - it's all work that takes you away from your children but at least your children are at home and you are there for them - maybe because he works in a primary school the work load is low but also he gets a day out of teaching each week to do all that marking and prep - he does not do that much at home

I'd love a job in your partner's school! I'm currently doing my PGCE in primary and can honestly say it is the hardest year of my life so far, working a full time office job plus 2 evenings a week (6-10.30 each evening) was a doddle in comparison! True, the time in college is fine, that's a simple 9-4 most of the time with assignments that can easily be done in the evenings. But when doing the actual teaching practice it's a different story. 8-6 are the usual hours spent in school, you really do need it to prepare all the resources, meetings etc. Our course leader clearly told us to expect to be there 8-6 at the start in case we had other ideas. 5 people have left the course since September, most of them had young families and said it was too much pressure on them. I met an NQT recently and asked her questions to see if things are better once you are qualified and she said she is at school by 7.30am most days and rarely leaves till 6.00, and still takes marking home.

In fairness, if you are lucky enough to get a very laid back, supportive school who is not very concerned about Ofsted (not that I've found any schools like this) etc you might not find it too bad. I have also heard many teachers say that after about 3 years in teaching things get easier, as you get more efficient at planning etc. But I am fully expecting the first couple of years to be hard.

The other thing with primary teaching is that contrary to popular belief, there is actually a real shortage of jobs in many areas, and NQTs are often having to take posts far from their homes just to get any job.

Please don't take this as a crititicism poe.tuesday, I'm honestly not trying to be nasty and don't get me wrong teaching is the best thing I've ever done, it's worth it despite the stress, but it's definitely NOT an easy option in terms of short hours etc. I agree that school holidays fit in well with children, but in the PGCE year you can expect to be studying for most of them. And again if you lived anywhere near me I'd give my left arm for a job in your partner's school

I just wanted to give another view of teaching to the OP so that they knew what a PGCE was really like. You do sound like you have coped so well so far and you will find your way. When your life changes so quickly it is almost like a bereavement, and your ideas for the future all change. But keep strong and you will come through the other side.

poe.tuesday

the school my partner works in is an ebd school, it's very hard work, not only due to the teching but all the emotional issues and social services issues that they have to deal with

It's not ride in the park but he doesn't bring much work home with him, but there again, he's fully qualified and when he was training he wasn't with me

Jo_R_2

All good feedback, thanks :T

pinkshoes

I'm starting to think the whole career/family thing is really hard work! i'm going to be 28 this year, and thought I'd have a child by now, but just haven't got to that point in life, so I guess i feel a bit like i'm mourning for the life that I expected vs what I've got.

My job is OK paid, but not great for the expensive area I live in as I'm spending 78% of my salary (after tax) on the bare essentials (mortgage, gas, elec, Council Tax, running car to get to work, food), plus I feel utterly uninspired in my job, and never challenged, so spend most days bored! I have a masters degree, and SO much ambition and drive, yet feel if I want children (100% definitely yes!!), then there's no point going for the career as i'd have to work several years within a company to get decent maternity pay, and without good maternity pay, would struggle with my share of bills/mortgage!

Let us know how you get on with the job situation Jo R! I wish you all the success in the world! I know companies are becoming much more flexible about letting employees work from home.