Depression, Money Saving and it all becoming a bit too much!

tyllwyd

You haven't said how severe the money problems are, but definitely have a look at the debt free wanabee board, and consider contacting PayPlan / CCCS / National Debtline for free advice. As the previous poster said, just filling out a statement of affairs (a monthly budget plus info on your debts/savings) would be a good place to start to get things into perspective.

pjran

I'm sure there are loads of people suffering depression but its still a taboo subject. Of course there lots of family and friends who initially empathise but after a while you feel so alone when all you hear is pull yourself together and do you realise how lucky you are.

Chin up, put messages on here....MSEers are a supportive bunch.

Cheapskate

Another here with depression, probably had on and off since a teenager, but never been to the dr. DH can't understand why/how I feel as bad as I do sometimes, and as I'm the eldest in my family, I was always the one to help mum, be the big girl, then the same with DH and our children - so many women I know in the same boat; like the others have said, you're not alone, OP! I will pluck up courage to see dr for myself SOON, and have many black days, but have some ways to help myself. I feel lucky to have lots of virtual "friends" on here who are very friendly and supportive. :j

If you're entitled to some TC, why can't they pay you in a lump sum every now and then?

Keep posting, even if you think it's a moan, we've all done it, felt a bit better, and got some good advice into the bargain!

A xo

StarLight

Thank you very much for all your kind words and practical advice. I went for a walk with the dog, had a sleep and then started on my statement of affairs. Going to list everything down and see if we can squeeze a bit more out to free up some more cash. We do have a loan that runs for another couple of years, but if we keep going the way we are we will be in debt, so something needs to be done now! Just got to keep up the enthusiasm (that's the tricky bit!)

cheapstate - big hugs to you. I totally understand how you feel. Please try and get to see your GP. I struggled on and on and realised that I had to do something so that life wasn't hard for those around me. Just started reading 'depressive illness - curse of the strong' by Dr Tim Cantopher and it really does explain why we feel the way we do and it sounds like you have have had to been pretty strong for most of your life too!

Appoached a mum at school today (don't normally try) and bless her she had just lost her dad. I did feel for her as I lost mine last year (even though we were estranged it was hard) and I think she felt a bit better because I could actually emphathise with her.

So again thank you. I'm glad I posted and I don't feel quite alone now. x

Popperwell

pjran wrote: »

I'm sure there are loads of people suffering depression but its still a taboo subject. Of course there lots of family and friends who initially empathise but after a while you feel so alone when all you hear is pull yourself together and do you realise how lucky you are.

Chin up, put messages on here....MSEers are a supportive bunch.

So true...and around here there is little in the way of anything going on, you need to travel out of town(bus/taxi fares)and sadly I have no family/friends and though neighbours are nice, they don't mix. So I am alone a lot and do most things alone. But that starts to make me sound as though I am feeling sorry for myself.

I don't know why so many of us are alone/not going out.

It could be age(losing people around you)cost of doing things, people doing more hobbies and interests that mean staying at home(watching tv, going on the internet etc...)not having transport to get around or if working putting in long hours and being too tired to get involved with others...but that defeats the reason for this great thread and...may sound like excuses not to get out there and be involved.

I like my own company but do miss social interaction so I do hope to do something about it. I think it will be difficult to afford much longer but I did get out to the theatre a few weeks ago for some concerts and for a couple of hours forgot my troubles and was able to be part of a group sharing the experience and I was able to smile again. But you still come back to an empty house. This is new to me. Don't think it helps as you get older too.

I don't think it's just my town, when I have managed to get out in recent weeks I have seen a similar scenario in neighbouring towns large and small.

I'm not exactly happy but so far not depressed but if I think I need help, I'll be the first to ask for it.

We all have different reasons for getting down but I bet most who are the main reason is caused by money...noit enough for the basics or overstretched and wondering how to get out of debt.

StarLight wrote: »

Thank you very much for all your kind words and practical advice. I went for a walk with the dog, had a sleep and then started on my statement of affairs. Going to list everything down and see if we can squeeze a bit more out to free up some more cash. We do have a loan that runs for another couple of years, but if we keep going the way we are we will be in debt, so something needs to be done now! Just got to keep up the enthusiasm (that's the tricky bit!)

cheapstate - big hugs to you. I totally understand how you feel. Please try and get to see your GP. I struggled on and on and realised that I had to do something so that life wasn't hard for those around me. Just started reading 'depressive illness - curse of the strong' by Dr Tim Cantopher and it really does explain why we feel the way we do and it sounds like you have have had to been pretty strong for most of your life too!

Appoached a mum at school today (don't normally try) and bless her she had just lost her dad. I did feel for her as I lost mine last year (even though we were estranged it was hard) and I think she felt a bit better because I could actually emphathise with her.

So again thank you. I'm glad I posted and I don't feel quite alone now. x

Do you think losing your Dad could be part of the reason? My Mum passed away at the end of April, I had been in her company virtually 55 years that's a big change. I was never held back but sharing the home and the company of someone for so long. Its a big change and still early days.

I heard someone talk about depression/losing a loved one on the radio and they said the second year afterwards can be worse and it can take five years to come to terms with losing someone.

life_unexpected_2

Starlight I think depression can make everything seem impossible to deal with. Hopefully as the medication starts to work things will seem a little brighter. Although I fully empathise with where you are at at the moment. OH and I both work full-time and are struggling and could really do with both of us having a second job although this is not possible as in our jobs your never sure if you will finish on time and well I struggle to work full-time due to my health issues as it is.

Though I must say well done on taking the first step to talk to one of the mothers at the school as I know when the black dog comes to stay here I find it hard enough making the effort to talk to friends and family let alone strike up a conversation with someone new.

Heffi1

life_unexpected wrote: »

Though I must say well done on taking the first step to talk to one of the mothers at the school as I know when the black dog comes to stay here I find it hard enough making the effort to talk to friends and family let alone strike up a conversation with someone new.

This hit home for me, I have had depression now for 27 years (undiagnosed post natal depression) and I know I will take a tablet each day for the rest of my life, I am not stigmatised by it anymore. It took a long time to realise that I need that tablet to stop me feeling awful, I can now cope with everyday matters and get on with my life, and if awful things happen then I have some reserves to deal with them, without the tablet I would crumble and hide away. It is a small price I pay for having peace of mind again.

You will start to feel better once the tablets get into your system and have a chance to work. Do not stop taking them until your Dr tells you too as you will slip back again, it is good to hear you are dealing with your depression and you have my admiration for being honest and open with us on here, as you can see there are lots of us around

kittycatface

Hi starlight and everyone
Don't worry about being back on ADs, the more I talk to people the more I realise how many women, particularly mums, are on them and just ashamed to admit it because at the school gate everyone is putting on such a good coping display! It's all just bravado and as soon as you get anyone on their own they usually admit to having at least the odd "down period" or traumatic experiences, as you found with the woman that you had the courage to speak to.

We are slightly better off this winter than last but I am still a heating harridan (just ask OH!) I found last winter where we had no monthly income except OH JSA that it was worth having a weekly treat. I never nominated a particular day of the week, just picked the one where I felt worst, and gave myself £2 to get something that is a luxury. I found myself really appreciating the tiny things in life after that time, be it a nice smelling soap, one of those 20p cadbury choc frogs, and it helped lift the depression a little. You could do the same with your daughter too and she will also learn the value of money and to appreciate the world around her, two lessons I wish my parents taught me!

I also identified the smells/touches/visual objects that helped me re-engage with the world, such as a bit of soft material I have had since a kid, or the smell of oranges. A counsellor reccommended it and although I thought it wouldnt make a difference it did.

Good luck and all best wishes to you and your family for future.

Popperwell

Another truthful and well written post Kittycatface...thank you.

Lexxi

Would it be possible to look for evening or weekend work, rather than just fitting work around your daughters school hours? Or have you looked into if you would be entitled to working tax credits once you are working as this may help with childcare costs? I don't really know anything about them or if it would help or even apply to your situation. I was just thinking that if you are open to extra options and show there is a possibility of you working 40 hours, there is then nothing to stop you still looking for part time, flexi time, term time or job share positions. The job centre can also help with training

I feel for you, I tried to pretend that I was ok for ages, I wouldn't even believe my husband that I needed some help. I saw a counsellor and feel a lot better but have been given antiDs too, which I'm a bit reluctant to take as I don't feel anything like I felt before. I've had a couple of months off regrouping and I'm now starting to go back out I'm thinking that I might need to start taking them just to get me back out there, I'm going to see how I go.

Get your CV checked out too, make sure that it is as great as can be as there is so much competition out there, good luck