Missing those on tour

welshgirl_michelle

My boyfriend has been in Afghan for just 3 and a half weeks now. His tour ends in April 2013. He was due to return for his R and R next month but it's been prospered until Feb 2013 Finding it difficult already and it's only been 3 and a half weeks!! How do you cope with ur partners/boyfriends being away??

dw85

Keep busy. Work, gym, cleaning, days/nights out.
Nothing worse than being home alone when you hit a low on the emotional roller coaster.
Last time fianc! was out in afghan I got into a routine of sending parcels twice a week(ish), since they were free. One was only small as it was the motorbike paper but it was something to focus on.
Tried to make sure I had things planned for weekends. Was quite lucky as Id get warning of when he would try to call (unless minimise was on).
Another good challenge was a phys challenge set. He was based in camp b and his team were trying to complete a "round tHe world" challenge, so he set me the task of doing 1000km run/row/cycle/swim whilst he was away. I'm doin similar now due to where he is, I have 4months to do 570km run/cycle and 67km swim/row. It should be easy enough. I keep an excel sheet recording what I do each time I go to the gym.
Doing housework with BFBS on is good, and you can request shout outs on their website.

Coping with long times apart is what we do as partners of serving military, it's part of the T&C as my fianc! puts it (aparently I 'agreed' to it when we got together...hmmm;))
Once the first month is past and you establish a routine, it does get easier. Halfway is a good point too, so focus on that rather than RnR, then once you get there, focus on RnR...etc.
Did you know you can top up his welfare calling card minutes?
Hope this has been of some help



Ooh may I also recommend https://www.chuffchart.com, it shows you how much of the tour you have got through!

welshgirl_michelle

Thank you for your reply. It's the first time I'm having to go through this and it's slightly harder than i thought it would be!

Whilst he was in Camp B he was able to keep in touch near enough everyday via the internet. He's now moved location so i'm keeping him going by sending an Ebluey every other day! It's been 5 days now since i've heard from him. Yeah i know i'm able to top up his calling card, i need to get the number off him next time i speak to him so i can top it up for him

Might sound like a silly question but what is the BFBS? And how would i request shout outs on their website?

Great with what your doing, with the challenge your fianc! has set you, all the best with completing it

dw85

BFBS = British forces broadcast service

You can stream it from the Internet or its sky/virgin media 996 or something similar.
Google it and it will be the first link. Its what they listen to out there

I think it's also on Digital radio but I haven't got one of those

peteuk

I know this is not a "helpful" answer...

But you just do!

I know when I am away, my wife gets it harder than I do! As she becomes a single mum for the period, but with two wagers.

Each time is different and it is different for everyone. Missing him after three weeks is tough, but it might be that in another 3 weeks you will find it easier.

Daily contact probably doesnt help, although that seems strange to say. Equally having agreed contact times doesnt help as you build up to expect contact and if it doesnt happen then your let down.

Find something extra to do! a hobby or find friends who are in the same situation.

Above all try and get on with life, it isnt normal but it will help.

Best wishes

Pete

maddymoo

It is always hard when they do go away, but it does get easier as the time goes by. As has been mentioned already - stay busy, plan things for the weekend and things to look forward to. Postponing R&R is not such a bad thing. Although it's disppointing that he isn't coming home when you originally thought, you will only have a few weeks to go when he does come home and you'll know you're on the home straight.

My husband is also out there at present - the 4th time in the last 3 years - and I'm lucky to hear from him once every 10 days/fortnight! Our children do miss speaking to him, but because he doesn't call up very often, they always have lots to tell him and it's lovely listening to them when they do.

Stay strong - he'll be home before you know it!

Always_after_a_bargin

Hi, my heart goes out to you, I have just a few days left of a 6 month tour that my husband is on, he has been out there six months, All I can say is first thing time does go fast once things settle down and you get yourself into a routine, I don't know if you have kids but my kids have helped keep me busy and time has flown. Someone mentioned R&R has much as your really disappointed that its been pushed back to feb, it will when it comes be a blessing in disguise as our R&R was in August and meant when he went back there was only 6 weeks to push, This helped loads knowing that when he went back most of the tour was done and I was on the homestretch, I was much better coping then when he went back that I did when he went, I was sick constantly for 24 hours and could not stop crying but looking back at that now seems such a distant memory, you have to keep yourself busy. I filled up my weekends as much as I could, which was a good thing as my friends was always busy with their own lives and weekend and weekend I was left to my own with the kids, they had their lives and that's was that, it something that really shocked me but it made me so much stronger now and instead I turned it into the positive and filled up my weekends, my kids have weekend clubs they attend to so most weekends now fly, If you not got kids them get yourself a hobby, sign up to a class you enjoy, I decided to slim and get some weight off and I am now 3 stone lighter than I was when my husband went, I have made friends through my slimming class and we are in contact in the week giving each other support. By the time I clean the house, sort the kids out, attend weekend after clubs the weeks really did fly, Also chuff charts are a massive boast and chalking the days off was a big motivation, lots and lots of letters and parcels, Planning and putting them together will keep you busy, The biggest advice I can give and something I learned the hard way, don't rely on anyone, don't rely on anyone getting you through this as you may be disappointed, you may be luckier than me and have family present who care, I never had that and I went through this tour pretty much on my own but now I am so much more stronger and independent, it's been a hard lesson but a lesson I am so glad to of learnt, Tis tour has changed me but changed me into a better person. I now got new hobbies that I love, I am now slimmer and happier, All this came from the hardest time of my life, please stay positive because 6 months really is nothing out of a lifetime together, If you need support please feel free to private message me but stay postitive and you can do it! X

Meadows

welshgirl_michelle wrote: »

My boyfriend has been in Afghan for just 3 and a half weeks now. His tour ends in April 2013. He was due to return for his R and R next month but it's been prospered until Feb 2013 Finding it difficult already and it's only been 3 and a half weeks!! How do you cope with ur partners/boyfriends being away??

You just get on with it, my husband was in the R.A.F for many years and spent multiple tours in the Falklands (once went for five months came back for six months and then went there again for another five months) leaving me at home in Germany with a small child, 20 miles from the main camp, a small N.A.A.F.I shop and no transport and nothing else around in the area.
He was away for 5 months each time and did not get to get home for R&R.
You just have to get on with life and look forward to their return.

Trying_to_be_good

My OH has been home for three months after his first six month deployment to Afghanistan. I found it much harder than even I'd imagined, the first week really difficult then finding a routine for me at home at keeping in touch - a bit of Skype, emails as often as possible, five phone calls the whole time (two of those from Cyprus in decompression) and one piece of post to me. I sent post every couple of days - find something special to you both (with the kids if you have any!) - we sent Lego mini-figures, so he had a whole army of them (ironically!).

As has already been said, delayed R&R may be a good thing in the long run - going back is really hard, lots of countries don't do it.

I did lots of painting, decorating and gardening, plus seeing lots of friends ( and making sure I still see them now I'm home).

You will get through it, and have good times to tell him about!

gt568

You could get Leeroy round?

stardust09

I agree with a lot of the above. My boyfriend went to Afghanistan in June and has just had his R&R, then he'll be back at Christmas. It's much easier having the R&R later in the deployment because otherwise you just adapt to being without them and then they come home and then leave you again for ages so it's far more disrupting. At least now, I know I'm on the home run and he'll be back before I even have chance to miss him too much. It was much easier to let him go this time and I haven't cried at all, not like when he first went! That's because I know he'll soon be home again.

When my boyfriend first left, it was hard for about a month, then I settled into a routine and caught up on all the things I'd been neglecting (including watching all my favourite soaps!!!). I am quite an independent person anyway and it was nice to have the time for all my hobbies, being able to choose what to do with my time and catching up with friends. It's a good time to reconnect with yourself and do all the things that you've always wanted to do - redecorate, sort out things, take up an old or new hobby, visit people, spend hours reading or do more exercise, etc. That's not to say that I didn't miss him though!

I coped by emailing every day, thinking of creative ideas for his parcels, which I sent weekly, I made some video clips for him using my iPhone and Windows Live Movie Maker (a free programme), spent a month preparing his birthday package, did lots of little things for him which I knew he'd appreciate (like getting his watch fixed and keeping on top of the gardening) and sent him lots of photos. I also got a photo collage done with Truprint for him to put on his wall. I sent some eblueys too.

The most difficult thing is the largely one-way communciation. I spoke with my boyfriend four times in three months, each phone call about 5-10 minutes long. I also felt like I was sending emails and parcels into space as he couldn't always tell me he'd got them or how he felt about receiving them. That can be quite a blow when you put so much time into something then don't even know if it was liked. It also felt at times like I wasn't even really in a relationship, which felt odd. However, the R&R was an opportunity for my boyfriend to tell me how much he appreciated me and everything I'd sent him so it's about having faith and believing that your efforts are received with pleasure - because they are!

I know it feels so hard where you are at the moment and my heart goes out to you. Use all the tips on this thread and it should get easier. I know it sounds a cliche and I didn't believe it when people said it to me at first, but six months will soon go by and you have the magic of R&R to look forward to in February.