Bit of a tale of woe!

podperson

Tbh from the time I got serious with my OH then I never really looked at other guys. I couldn't imagine myself being with anyone else.

I don't want to pry into your relationship, but 3 years is quite a long time to be in a long distance relationship. Are you possibly having some doubts either about your OH or how the relationship is going - and this is being projected into seeing this other guy as the 'perfect man'. Have you discussed with your OH what's going to happen with your relationship in the future, ie is one of you going to move to be nearer the other?

balletshoes

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I really don't want to rain on your parade but this bit would worry the hell out of me if you were my daughter. It reeks of control, checking up and/or suspicion.

Call me a cynic if you like, but that kind of distance isn't cheap so exactly why would anyone travel 350 miles on a 'maybe' with the risk that they'll have to turn right round and travel home again if you happen to have gone out!

It's perfectly possible that a pal called round and you decided on the spur of the moment to go off with her for a morning's window shopping, or went to visit Aunty as she's feeling blue ....

I think thats harsh - just wondering if you've ever done the long distance relationship thing?
My OH and I, throughout our relationship and marriage, have had geographically long distances between us (we have it right now). I'd be thrilled if he turned up at the door unexpectedly, and he would be too if I turned up at his - nothing to do with control at all, its wanting to see the smile on his face when he opens the door and sees you standing there . If he wasn't in, I'd call him and then I'd have to spoil the surprise, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. We are both perfectly capable of entertaining ourselves without the other (which is something you tend to learn to do well when you're in a long distance relationship).

OP, I agree with others who've said you should keep your options open regarding your OH. You're not completely into him if you think someone else could be a better fit for you.

Tropez

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I really don't want to rain on your parade but this bit would worry the hell out of me if you were my daughter. It reeks of control, checking up and/or suspicion.

Call me a cynic if you like, but that kind of distance isn't cheap so exactly why would anyone travel 350 miles on a 'maybe' with the risk that they'll have to turn right round and travel home again if you happen to have gone out!

It's perfectly possible that a pal called round and you decided on the spur of the moment to go off with her for a morning's window shopping, or went to visit Aunty as she's feeling blue ....

Or he could just miss her, have a couple of days to himself and thought he'd surprise her.

If she wasn't home, he could have just as easily left a little note and gone to occupy himself elsewhere for a while until she got in touch.

ETA: Thinking about it, the chances are that if my partner was working in Europe right now, as opposed to NZ, I'd have already made a trip to surprise her... heck, if she was working in North America I may have made such a trip.

dizsiebubba

I don't think you would be looking at somebody else if you really felt OH was the one... sorry but it's time to go... or you will end up being one of those whose realtionship 'takes work'...

heartbreak_star

I think you need to make plans for the future with your OH - it's an awfully long-term long distance relationship...

HBS x

sweetme

I'm with the majority here, you wouldn't have taken into consideration all the things you and the person at work have in common if you were with "the one" so to speak.

Errata

OP - the situation you find yourself is as common as muck, you're not unique - merely suffering from a version of 'the grass is always greener'

NAR

Judi wrote: »

Thats cause theres love and theres LOVE!

What are you telling me? :eek:

Mrs_Imp

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I really don't want to rain on your parade but this bit would worry the hell out of me if you were my daughter. It reeks of control, checking up and/or suspicion.

Call me a cynic if you like, but that kind of distance isn't cheap so exactly why would anyone travel 350 miles on a 'maybe' with the risk that they'll have to turn right round and travel home again if you happen to have gone out!

I travelled from France to the UK on a 'maybe' to see Mr Imp (I was working away for 3 months). It was because I love him and missed him like mad. It was worth every penny, and if he'd been out, I would have just waited for him. It was in no way controlling, to check up on him or because I was suspicious of him.

We did long distance for about 5 years, which was hard work. We don't have all the same interests/music tastes etc, but it works well for us. We don't do long distance any more.

I don't think it's wrong/unusual/a sign of a bad relationship for you to have noticed someone else. Most people would appreciate a good-looking person, and in your case you're appreciating a good personality. What's important is whether or not you act on your appreciation.