Bit of a tale of woe!

the_twist__

Hello MSE,

I'm in a bit of a muddle and overly frustrated with my brain right now. I am in a loving, long-distant relationship with my OH and have been now for 3 years (on Halloween!) - everything is great. Only this weekend he surprised me by showing up outside my door (over 350 miles) just to make me smile and spend time with me. I genuinely adore him and want my future, ideally, to be with him.

This is where my brain is being a douche. There is a man in work, and I am somewhat attracted to him, however the problem lies in that we are good friends and he is, technically (?) *THE* perfect man (for me). We have the same humour, interests, outlooks blahblahblah. I don't WANT him, I want my OH - but we are very different and had to work hard and there's just some things we can't do/have a laugh about.

I under no circumstance want to break up with or cheat on my OH, I don't want this other man, but my brain is going a bit insane with thoughts/concerns.

I just want to know if anybody has ever came across this before, knowing you love somebody but *think* somebody is more 'you' or your brain just will not co-operate with you!

moneypuddle

Yes I've been in that exact situation. My ending was that I left my boyfriend for the guy at work, and have never looked back since. It was the best decision I ever made. I thought I loved my ex but can't have done when I allowed myself to fall for someone else. That's just what happened with me though ....

noelphobic

do you think/know that the guy in work is as interested in you as you (possibly) are in him?

System

moneypuddle wrote: »

Yes I've been in that exact situation. My ending was that I left my boyfriend for the guy at work, and have never looked back since. It was the best decision I ever made. I thought I loved my ex but can't have done when I allowed myself to fall for someone else. That's just what happened with me though ....

Thats cause theres love and theres LOVE!

kettlefish

Do you have any long term plans or goals with your current OH? It's just that, when I started seeing my DH, I knew within weeks that he was the one. I wouldn't have been happy in a long distance relationship as I wanted to see him every day. Long distance certainly wouldn't have been a permanent or long term arrangement for us. I can only comment on my experience, and how I think and feel (and I am quite possibly a bit odd :rotfl:) - but I felt passionately that my DH was the right man, so I wanted to be with him all the time, even though we both had to make compromises with geography and other things to do that. Maybe that passion isn't there with your OH?

If everything was right with your OH, you wouldn't have even noticed that there was another bloke, let along one who's "technically the perfect man". I'm not saying you need to choose one man or another, but you do need a long think about your current relationship in my opinion. Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear.

paddy's_mum

the_twist__ wrote: »

he surprised me by showing up outside my door (over 350 miles) just to make me smile and spend time with me.

I really don't want to rain on your parade but this bit would worry the hell out of me if you were my daughter. It reeks of control, checking up and/or suspicion.

Call me a cynic if you like, but that kind of distance isn't cheap so exactly why would anyone travel 350 miles on a 'maybe' with the risk that they'll have to turn right round and travel home again if you happen to have gone out!

It's perfectly possible that a pal called round and you decided on the spur of the moment to go off with her for a morning's window shopping, or went to visit Aunty as she's feeling blue ....

VestanPance

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I really don't want to rain on your parade but this bit would worry the hell out of me if you were my daughter. It reeks of control, checking up and/or suspicion.

I thought that sounded quite romantic. Welcome to the 21st century where romance is creepy!

lazer

VestanPance wrote: »

I thought that sounded quite romantic. Welcome to the 21st century where romance is creepy!

I though it was romantic too - I am in a long distance relationship and would love it it my fiance came to visit me when I wasn't expecting it.

He generally knows where I am most nights anyway, so would know to pick a night where I didn't have any plans!

HeadAboveWater

kettlefish wrote: »

If everything was right with your OH, you wouldn't have even noticed that there was another bloke, let along one who's "technically the perfect man".

Exactly what I'm thinking!!

catkins

VestanPance wrote: »

I thought that sounded quite romantic. Welcome to the 21st century where romance is creepy!

I also thought it was romantic. Before we got married me and OH lived on opposite sides of London - not far in actual miles but because of the traffic a bit of a trek and OH worked shifts. A few times he would turn up to treat me to breakfast out before he started his shift or came to my workplace to take me out for lunch as a surprise. I never once thought he was checking up on me just thought it was great that we could spend some time together even if only 20 minutes and that he cared enough for me to put that effort in.

System

VestanPance wrote: »

I thought that sounded quite romantic. Welcome to the 21st century where romance is creepy!

I think its romantic too! What a lovely suprise!