Please, please - advice re bullying

animalhouse

son being bullied at school.

mumps

I feel for you and your son, I went through similar with one of mine. Although we had little support at primary school we found the secondary school dealt with it really well. They saw the two kids concerned, made them write and apology, spoke to their parents and warned them that if anyone said or did anything to my child they would be held responsible so they were advised not to tell anyone to avoid any risks of their friends doing anything in revenge.

For my child primary school was an ordeal, senior school was bearable, sixth form was great and university was fantastic. She now has a good job and promising future, I often see the bullies hanging around, most of them no hopers, most not working. I used to tell my daughter that for some people school days are the best days of their lives and isn't that sad as it is all down hill for them after 18 where as for her it would just get better. Fortunately it is working out that way.

I hope it is a one off and things get better. Fingers crossed for you.

animalhouse

Thank you, I appreciate your reply and am glad that your daughter is doing so well.

Fingers crossed that it is a one off for us.

lika_86

I'm so sorry your son is going through this. I was bullied around the same age and so I really feel for him and know the position he finds himself in (albeit mine was verbal not physical).

I know your son fears it getting worse if those involved are punished and I understand that fear but for me it only stopped once teachers got properly involved and singled out those involved. I think you need to ask how much worse it can get.

Does your son have any close friends at school who he can stick with?

animalhouse

Thank you Lika, I think you are right. He has asked me to wait and see what happens. He's also said that he'd like me to come to the meeting with the head of year.
One of the boys is is DS's football team, so we can approach the parents if need be.
Thank you again, I do appreciate it.

animalhouse

DS does have friends and already they've "protected him" (his words) so that's good.

lika_86

I do hope you get it sorted. Promises that it will get better are great but school can seem like a lifetime at that age, even if a few years isn't long at all in the grand scheme of things.

Maybe worth seeing if the school can provide somewhere he and a few select friends can sit inside at breaks or whatever. Also, maybe the teacher could have a word with the football captain and ask him to look out for team by ensuring that nobody is badly treated (doesn't even have to be on a names basis), a sense of team spirit and loyalty and stuff may help stamp out any poor behaviour if it occurs at football.

gibson123

I am so sorry this is happening.

A few practical things:

support your son to make strong friendships and maintain these - get to know the "good" kids he hangs with and invite them to your house, out on activities etc, if possible get to meet their parents. Do group things that stretch them but help them form a strong bond. things that require team work and support are best.

get him to discuss the failings of the bullies - do they do worse at school, do they get jealous, why are they picking on him, show him and tell them that the bullying is because there is something lacking in the bullies and not your DS.

get him involved in something physical but disciplined like judo, or rugby or wrestling, so that he feels confident in his physicality and can control his emotions.

allow him to get angry at home so he has an outlet for his emotions, get angry yourself, so he knows he's not alone.

Talk to the school about their anti-bullying policy and how they keep the complainers and whistle-blowers safe.

Don't accept it, keep fighting the school, the bullies etc, and if necessary get the police involved.

ginger_tony

!!!!!! that is a disgrace where do these little cretins get off, my Ds experienced verbal abuse and one punch but i will tell you i didnt stand for it. The school were great just remember the school are legally obliged to protect your son and no if or buts about it. Keep a diary, l would go to your local police station and ask if you have a community police officer and ask him for a bit of advice he may be able to direct you on how to deal with these lowlifes. We have one in our area l havent had dealings with him but he is meant to be fantastic. Its worth a try. l hope this gets sorted out no child should be made to feel like they dont want to live. I hope your are ok also it take a toll mentally because all you do is fret.Good luck.

zaksmum

Can you speak to the school head without your son knowing about it? Some kids are a natural target for bullies for whatever reason - being overweight, studious, spotty or just about anything. If it's anything to do with your boy's physical appearance, is there anything you can do to rectify it? Like getting contacts if he wears glasses or helping him with weight loss if he's too big?

When my child was bullied at school many years ago, I actually witnessed two older lads jump on his back and start laying into him. I saw red and grabbed the bigger one and smacked him hard in the mouth.

He ran off and my son never had a problem with him again. Of course I was stupid to do that, before anyone tells me so, but he was my kid and in trouble and my protective instincts took over - I just saw red.

Bullying is intolerable though and I really do hope you get it sorted.

Spendless

Hiya,

Following incidents earlier this year where my son (then in yr7)was jumped on and filmed (during school hols), his property (clothes)were damaged and then we found 2 pages full of what kids were doing/saying to him written in his planner. My husband requested a meeting with HoY and son's form tutor. DH stuck to the facts, didn't become emotional and asked them -when he was told that DS wasn't good at team building- what support they were going to give him. What they did with the kids that were doing stuff to them -it involved quite a lot so I don't know -but DS was given 121 support for an hour or two each week, given a mentor -a yr 10 child that he could see if there was a problem, told by form tutor that he was to go to her if there were any problems and when it was parents evening and the teacher of his fav and best subject described to me a child I didn't recognise, I told her what had been happening and she voiced her concerns to the HofY. For us, fingers crossed, all things worked. Hope any of that might be of some help.