Any Foster carers out there?

jackie_w

hello,

I'm sorry if this isn't the right board, but I'm thinking of fostering, and im trying to get as much information as possible.
I'm just wondering if there are any foster carers out there who can give me their experiences or even anyone who knows anyone who fosters or anyone who themselves had been fostered.

I have thought of not much else except this for a while now.

Would love to hear from you.

many thanks.

loadsacash

Hi

We have just completed our prepartation group for Fostering.

Have you been in contact with your local social services yet?

jackie_w

Hi,

I have contacted Barnardos and my local authority social work department.

I know of 2 people to foster and both have given completely different views. One loves it, the other said dont go for it.

Im trying to gather as much info as possible. I have an open meeting next week with barnardos. I dont know if I will go for Local authority or barnados. I contacted barnardos because thats who one of the people I know foster with.

Loadsacash I'm also in Scotland.

heretolearn_2

I'd be reluctant to do it with my own young children in the house.

A couple of friends, wonderful people, both work at charities, two little girls of their own, went through all the training and were thrilled to start foster care.

First placement, a young toddler while his mum was in hospital was great. Then the next two placements were a disaster with regards to their own children. One of the placed children was very violent, and one they found at was behaving in an inappropriately sexual way with their little girls. Many children in foster care have real problems...and they decided that although they would like to help those children, the risk to their own two was too great.

eskimo26

Everyone will have their own experiences.

We foster unaccompanied minors and as foster brother i'm also registered as secondary carer. The most painful thing i have found is when a child has to leave your placement because you do get close to them so be wary of that.

You also have to weather the fact that each placement is different, we've had placements lasting no more then 2 weeks, so we had all the stress of setting them up and then they were moved.

It will also depend on your council, be prepared to foster in spite of your council rather then because of them. Our social workers have been so overworked, disrespectful, tactless and borderline useless that the committee at our first LAC review where so shocked they apologised profusely and put us on special measure to keep an eye on the team.

Guess what they're still borderline useless. In fact their behaviour is dismissive to this day. Contradicting information, not paying travel costs submitted over 6 months ago, and generally creating more problems then they solve.

Having said that their is a secondary support network, a mentoring scheme with experienced foster carers, a range of free qualifications available [not that the social workers will tell you this]. Also a fostering community network where they organize meetings with other foster carers.

Also it's not just the caring there's also the paperwork and meetings, their are 'standards' you have to complete as part of the Government's legislation and this involves a series of dry and repetitive questions which goes on for pages and pages.

With regards to private vs 'in house' interpreters. We are in house and our friend is private and generally speaking:

She has more freedom and less interference in day to day things.

She gets paid straight away for all invoices.. travel etc. there's no chasing as the private company is paid and then passes on the relevant amounts.

I believe she gets a bit more money but it's hard to work out as the pay structure is different.

IMPORTANT: She has been waiting and complaining for months on end that no placement has been made available to her since her last boy left [turned 18]. From casual discussions with the social workers we have been told they are trying to phase out private fostering as part of the normal fostering structure because it is prohibitively costly to them.

So while she may get paid more she will be hit hardest by try spells, but this is for unaccompanied minors not standard foster children i would imagine demand is still high enough for general foster care to still have a great demand for private fostering.

I would say stay clear of teens or approaching teens unless your particularly up for a challenge. I would personally go for 6+ but this may be a case of 'grass is greener on the other side' as we have only ever had 11+.

I could elaborate on some of the challenges we have had with this age group if you wish.

All in all we do love them but it's one hell of a roller coaster and don't expect anyone to be grateful.

Actually scratch that we wouldn't even want that we just don't want to be treated with the attitude 'your being paid aren't you so just get on with it.....'

We're not asking for anything special, i;'ve read through the standards and i know what they are suppose to offer, all we want is a basic and consistent service!
*sigh* sorry it turned into a rant OP.

It's hard but rewarding work with very variable level of support depending on who you draw in the general lottery of who works with you from the council.

Dunroamin

OP, I thought you decided to wait until your health is better?

jackie_w

Hi Dunroamin,

I was at my doctor yesterday, and I asked her opinion. I did this because my local authority said I should speak to her.
My Doctor said she thought it was a brilliant thing to do and the meetings and talks etc would be beneficial to me. The doctor said I have come a long way from when I first went to see her a year ago, and thinks I should go for it.

I havent decided 100% if im going to go for it, im still only thinking about it, but it is something I feel passionatly about and would love to help children.
At one point I thought I was a lost cause, but im not and if I can make other children feel like that I think Im doing well.

I will continue to look into this further .

jackie_w

Eskimo what are unaccompanied minors?

I would love to hear your experiences if you dont mind.
If I were to go into the fostering, it would be children under the age of 10 that I would be wanting to foster.

I suppose Im still not sure what Im up against. I know there will be lots of paperwork, and meeting with social workers and to contact centre if the children were to meet their family.
I hope when I go to this meeting next week I will get to meet other foster carers and they can share their experiences too.

A big part of me is thinking of going with my local authority but the "support" or lack of it (from what ive heard) is putting me off, but then again, ive heard independent fostering agencies get children that are hard to place and this makes me think why are they hard to place etc, and thats where I need to think about my own children.

Lots to think about.

eskimo26

jackie_w wrote: »

Eskimo what are unaccompanied minors?

I would love to hear your experiences if you dont mind.
If I were to go into the fostering, it would be children under the age of 10 that I would be wanting to foster.

I suppose Im still not sure what Im up against. I know there will be lots of paperwork, and meeting with social workers and to contact centre if the children were to meet their family.
I hope when I go to this meeting next week I will get to meet other foster carers and they can share their experiences too.

A big part of me is thinking of going with my local authority but the "support" or lack of it (from what ive heard) is putting me off, but then again, ive heard independent fostering agencies get children that are hard to place and this makes me think why are they hard to place etc, and thats where I need to think about my own children.

Lots to think about.

Hi,
We are on the ethnic programme, unaccompanied minors are children under 16 arriving in the uk unaccompanied. Their is a provision in some law or other that requires the Government to care for them until adulthood because they are under age, this is irrespective of their asylum request.

Honestly our boys are good boys but teenagers drive me to distraction personally i'm much more suited younger children.

How old are your children, i would be wary if they are very young.

I would say the whole thing is a mixed bag essentially you must have a thick skin and be determined until eventually the right placement is found, and/or the right social worker.

If it works out it is so rewarding and it makes up for all the heartache but it's a case of perseverance.

Tbh you sound more clued up then i am as i said we are doing a slightly different kind of fostering. We personally have a lot more meetings to deal with [lawyers and the border agency] and they have different needs such as language.

It's very hard to second guess, you may get a child who has been in care since birth, a child who was removed because of some risk or a child who has no more family to care for them. [family couldn't cope or passed away.]

They may be difficult because they have 'issues' or it may just be a personality clash.

You'll know when it's right. I think of it as something of a calling and as you said the idea is something you just can't shake.

My Mother's mentor was a lady of 80 years who had 4 foster children!! :eek:
Might be worth nosing around some fostering forums...

bride2be2012

Hi Jackie_W

My parents fostered for about 20 years, from when I was aged 3, so I grew up always having foster children in our home.

You will need to think carefully how it affects your own children. As my parents started fostering when I was so young (and at the time an only child), I loved having 'brothers and sisters' around.

Where about in Scotland are you? I'm in Scotland too, and I hate to echo Eskimo26s thoughts, but my parents did not have the best of social workers to deal with either. When my parents first started fostering, they were allocated their own social worker and knew a lot of other social workers as well, as children tended to be allocated their own too. Now, they never know who they are dealing with, the social workers tend to be too tied up in paperwork, red tape etc, not enough hours in the day. It's actually one of the reasons they gave up fostering a few years back.

Please feel free to PM me if you want any more information.

keigcf

We are in Wales, have excellent support from our Social worker, agree with the some of the "attitudes" we have to deal with, but only you can decide what would be best for you. We love it, although it is very hard work. If you want any more info just pm me.