Advice Please:Friend wanting to leave her husband but exceptional circumstances.

thehappybutterfly

kingfisherblue wrote: »

I was in a similar situation, although there was no domestic abuse and the mortgage is a lot lower. I have three children and one has severe disabilities. The house has been adapted - downstairs wetroom which includes a walk in shower and a Closomat toilet (a bit like a toilet and bidet combined, as it washes and dries the more personal areas, giving a disabled person a little more dignity than having someone else cleaning them).

My (now ex) husband left when our youngest was five years old. He wanted us to move out immediately, but I refused and saw a solicitor that specialised in family law. I found them in the Yellow Pages. To cut a long story short, after three court appearances (due to my ex saying our son wasn't as disabled as I made out :eek: despite being on high rate care and high rate mobility), the judge awarded me a Mesher order. The house is not to be sold unless a trigger happens. the triggers, in my case, are:
* my son no longer needs it as a permanant home
* my son dies
* I die
* I remarry or cohabit for six months or more

The judge wasn't impressed with the actions of my ex, which included him saying that I had never contributed financially (untrue, I contributed all my wages when I worked, and only gave up work to look after our children). The judge said that caring for children of the marriage is seen as equal to the financial input from my ex.

I now live happily with my three kids. I do get some help with the mortgage, but have to make up the shortfall from my benefit. I also get income support, council tax benefit, carer's allowance, child tax credits, child support (via DEO as he was non-compliant) and my son's DLA. IS passports to free school meals, free prescriptions, etc.

I hope everything goes well for your friend.

What a brilliant and inspirational post! OP, show this to your friend - I'm sure she'll take heart that there's possible light at the end of the tunnel. Too many of these higher wage earning partners make the assumption it's only financial contributions that count - thereby keeping SAHMs under their thumbs. Nice to know that the courts recognise this.