Do you feel paralysed by debt (or is it just me?!)

Donedoingdebt

I too get days when I'm constantly moaning about debt etc. But it was put into perspective on the weekend when my SIL, who's just turned 40, learnt she has to undergo 6 months of chemotherapy due to a tumour in her colon. It can make you realise that sometimes you concentrate on the things you can't have or do instead of all the good things in life.

Snaggles

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that Donedoingdebt, I hope the chemo isn't too horrible for her. You're right, something like that does put things in perspective.

Sea78

Hi

Thanks for the messages - I think it's probably a combination of things - it's not so much that I want to go out and buy 'stuff' or even a holiday, it's just a, oh i don't know!! Sorry to moan on! I've been to town (walking which helps! You're right about the exercise girltuesday and Snaggles) and have bought from the bargain bin in Bodycare a couple of bits to try and sort myself out and get into a better frame of mind!- nailvarnish remover to sort out my manky hands etc so hopefully fixing things on the outside a little might help the inside my mind bit!
zippy - I think you've hit the nail on the head about feeling like a killjoy - there are loads of things I'd love to be doing but feel unable to do due to the money sit. I think I'll have to have a good think about things we can do that cost very little or are free. OH has done loads in the garden (I think to get away from me being such a mardy cow this weekend!!) and so now the nicer weather is coming I'll invite a friend over.
hypno - made me laugh at the jelly Very slow going...and rather sticky!
Lenny - you come so far, I bet you will be able to save loads for a house deposit once you're df. Even if it has to be a house with many rooms for all the kids.....;)
Storm - that's a great idea about the little goals, I think I'm a big goal type of person so need to pay attention to this! I'll have a think tonight.
tesuhoha - I feel EXACTLY the same after spending money now - quite sick! Even if it's food etc. I feel worried about the little bit I spent in bodycare, although I'm going to use Ebay money for that. I feel much worse when it's money spent on me too.
itsarichmansworld- Yes, I agree that I need to see the positives in my life more, that's what's making me so frustrated as well. I *know* I'm really lucky but still feel really rubbish about things and then feel worse because I am lucky but feeling down etc.
Dondoingdebt - I do hope the chemo is successful on your sil's tumor. How awful.


RIGHT, so I think I've established I need to have a good think tonight about what I can do to make myself feel more positive in little ways and also reflect on things in my life that are good. Also a nice bubble bath and pamper will help too I think!
Sea xx

Becks_in_Debt

Donedoingdebt what does SIL mean? I hope all goes well with the Chemo, when things like that happen it really makes you look at life differently and appreciate things around you. I was diagnosed with a tumour a couple of weeks before my 21st (nothing serious though) it taught me to appreciate everything around me, I have since had a little girl, who I love to pieces. Debt shortly followed, although mine is only small compared to some peoples on here, it really gets me down and I tend not to appreciate having my health anymore but spend most of my time awake thinking about money and lack of it, I love pay day for approx 24hrs whilst it is in the bank and then out again, ok it is paying bills, mortgage, debts but me and OH earn a good wage between us and yet we do not have a life, we are unable to go out with our friends, buy new clothes, treat our daughter to day out to the zoo or beach, all will be better end of May I hope.
Some days I really hate my OH (I most of the time blame him for being in debt and having no money) and wonder what life would be like if I wasnt with him, I work full time, do ALL of housework, do the food shopping because I can not trust my OH with money, I have full control over our finances again because I do not trust him, bath our daughter, get her to sleep, and then be blamed for the slightest things that happen/go wrong, luckily I am not too busy at work, as you might of guessed as I am on here whilst at work, so i am able to keep an eye on finances, online banking etc etc.
My OH works 3 to 4 days a week (12 hrs shifts) and I do 5, he cooks the dinner and looks after our daughter on his days off instead of putting her in Nursery 5 days a week.

Hands up :T to all you single mums (sorry parents ) out there, It is hard work, I know I have a OH but i sometimes feel I am doing it on my own and he is only here to provide money towards the bills.

Sorry, you chose the wrong day to start a thread about being fed up with debt and "What If. . . " I have had a Mare of a weekend.

Hope reading that everybody at some point throughout the month feels in the same situation and p***ed off with life and debt and "What if . . . ?"

smilealot

Sorry I missed this earlier pumpkin. Big hugs x

D&DD

Hi Sea sorry to see it's all got to you a bit today,believe me though it is allowed!! We can't all be up all the time and from what I see of your posts you are always so positive,you are more than welcome to have an off day hun thats what we're all here for to pick each other up when someones feeling down It may be your turn today but I'm sure you'll be perking someone up who's feeling like it next week :T Thats the beauty of this little haven...I'm just really pleased for you that you've seen the light at such a young age I'm 41 this year and STILL in debt :eek: Wish I'd found this site MANY years ago...
Keep going you are doing sooo well and add a nice glass of wine and a bit of choccie to your nice soak in the the bath it'll do you the world of good
D XX

Lara44

Hello Sea

I hope you're feeling better today. It's hard when everything seems to be all about money, debt, house, clothes, figure :eek:

I am going away for my friend's hen night in a few weeks, we are going to Alicante (!) which all my very successful friends have the money for, whereas I had to sell loads of college books for the flights. Now I have to buy swimwear (boo) been avoiding that for aages. And all my friends have been on crazy diets for their weddings, they all have good jobs, nice houses. I will be exposing my pasty flab and making all the usual excuses for why I don't have said house/job/engagement ring.

But then I imagine myself as a scrumpled up piece of paper being squashed by all these pressures. I will end up having some serious issues if I keep letting it all get to me.

Then I imagine myself as a bouncy ball (I can't believe I am actually telling this to people) one of those ones you had as a kid with loads of glitter. No matter how much I get squeezed I will still be there, being me, not being deformed by any pressures. And not being defined by what I have, but by who I am, living it on my own terms.

It makes me feel surprisingly better!

Best wishes

Lara

ZTD

Sea78 wrote: »

I feel like my life is in complete limbo due to the debt, although I think I tend to think this about things - everything will be good if I was thinner, richer, debt-free etc. Does anyone else think like this and what have you done to try to move on from it? I have ried visualisations but I don't think I have that type of brain as it just tend s to p*** me off!

You can't be content and accepting about things all the time. Not unless you are a bit psycho like what I is .

Especially with debt which impacts and impedes so many parts of your life, and so many parts of your family's life. Only health problems are worse.

It will get better - nothing is forever. Not even me. ("Thank God!" I hear you say...)

CAFCGirl

I've recently read the following:

Acknowledge your fears and you will lessen your power

So rather than pushing things to the back of your mind,where u think you're not worrying about it but you're reinforcing the fear by not facing it. Just because there is a worst case scenario does not mean it will happen.

So if you repeat your worry to yourselves, of course you go a bit crazy for a minute but the more you face it, the weaker it becomes....

Make your peace with whatever you can never know, and let it go.
So I'll never know if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with my BF, but I can make peace with that possibility and make the best of what I do have with him for as long as I do.

Accept what you can't control and work on what you can.
i.e it bugs me that I wont be debt free till 2009 because my loan is fixed and it will end up costing more more with penalties to repay early! Now instead of being continually annoyed about that, I've accepted it and instead concentrated on getting myself Credit Card debt free, and channelled all the energy I was using on being annoyed with my loan to bring my card DF date closer.

It almost feels like I'm giving my loan the two fingered salute!

Now I've only just read the first two points, and can honestly say they have lifted a very black cloud from over me, in the past couple of days.

Don't be annoyed at yourself for the wallowing, instead be PROUD of yourself for acknowledging the situation and making the necessary cutbacks and plans to therefore enjoy life at a later date but for longer

Big Hugs to you and you've always got a friend on this board

Donedoingdebt

Becks_in_Debt wrote: »

Donedoingdebt what does SIL mean?

Sister in law.