Do you feel paralysed by debt (or is it just me?!)

Sea78

Hi all,

I've been thinking about this quite a lot and was wondering about your views on the matter. I am 28 now and have 2 kids and am loving them and my life is generally good so I know I'm lucky in comaprison to some on the site, so please don't think I don't know that!

I feel like my life is in complete limbo due to the debt, although I think I tend to think this about things - everything will be good if I was thinner, richer, debt-free etc. Does anyone else think like this and what have you done to try to move on from it? I have ried visualisations but I don't think I have that type of brain as it just tend s to p*** me off!

Although I am 28 I feel really old, out of date, overweight unfashionable and down. AND really annoyed at myself sounding like a miserable martyr wallowing at my own pity party!! However I have received such valuable advice from this board, much more than I could ever explain, that I thought I'd just post and see if anyone was going through this, or what they'd done to stop it.

Thanks for getting this far!

Sea xxxx

itsarichmansworld

I think we all feel like this from time to time the best thing to do is pick yourself up and be very grateful for everything you have especially the gorge wee kids in your pic!

Smile and the world smiles with you.....

hypno06

Oh yes, I feel like that too.

Maybe not paralysed by debt, but certainly swimming against the tide in a sea of jelly with the odd brick wall thrown in for good measure :wall:

But then I look at how far I have come and think about what state we would be in had the lightbulb moment and all the effort that has followed never happened and I realise that this is a job worth doing and in a few years time we will only have our mortgage like "normal" people!!

Also, I see it as teaching my two children that life is not all about how much you spend to get "bigger, better, faster" stuff. I am sure that they are learning valuable life skills of their own which will hopefully help them avoid the debt traps in the future.

Keep going, I will see you in the jelly pool.....x

Snaggles

Hi Sea, sorry you are feeling fed up like this, you've always had friendly words of comfort and advice for others on here, so you deserve any comfort and advice you have received in return.

I'm a bit guilty of the same thing as you.....feeling like my life would be better 'if only......'

It's not an easy cycle to break and I have to confess, my life always seems to be 'on hold' waiting for something to happen.

You do have 2 beautiful girls though, and at 28 you are REALLY not old (I'm 32...now that's old hahaha:D).

Sometimes you just have to change one thing, and that can be the catalyst for feeling better about life in general.

Could you make a list of things that are getting you down, then put a star next to the ones you can do something about. Work out a plan to tackle those, and then forget about the rest for now. No point fretting over things you can't control. When you start to take control of the things you can change, it does help lift your mood and make you feel more positive.

I know you are tackling your debts, but make room in your budget for some treats for yourself - a haircut or a new lipstick, or a pair of fab shoes can sometimes be the motivation you need, and doesn't need to cost much!

girltuesday_2

I feel like debt is keeping my life in limbo too, as we've got so many plans for once it's gone - travelling, working overseas for a bit, eventually having kids...

But I do try to be grateful for the things I/we do have now, and for the fact that as we pay the debt off, things are gradually getting better and better. Obviously I still have days when I just can't be bothered with any of it and want to have a good cry, but not too often these days!

For me, personally, exercise always makes me feel more positive - not sweating it out in the gym (can't afford it!) but doing yoga at home, or going for a jog in the park. It's supposed to release happy chemicals in the brain!

Snaggles

Yes, exercise is great.... really difficult to get motivated to do it in the first place, but once you do, the effect is well worth the effort.

girltuesday_2

When I feel horribly unmotivated to exercise, I tell myself I'll just do ten minutes - once I get started I then usually end up doing a full session.

(And even if you don't, ten minutes is better than nothing!)

*zippy*

The last few weeks have been tough, my husband normally never wants to spend money so usually he's a good influence on me, but the last few weeks he's lets do this that and the other and i'm having to say no all the time so i'm started to feel like a right kill joy

System

I'm 36 and my DFD is Oct 2011, I will be 40. Some of my chickens have come home to roost and the remainder will not be far behind. I leave the Navy in 2014 which gives me 3 years from my DFD to SAVE SAVE SAVE for the future. I havent got a house and my irresponsible attitiude towards debt has meant I will be working a lot harder and a lot longer when I leave the mob! I feel gutted everytime my BIL tells me he is thinking of buying another property or my mate is buying a flate for an investment. I just hope I can recoup what I have lost for the sake of my son and any future arrivals!

Storm

I have days when I feel trapped by my debt, and resentful that I can't go and splurge in the shops, go on a luxury holiday etc BUT... I know it's my own fault that I'm in this situation, and that I've got to just get through it. I do get a huge buzz each month when I get paid working out my new total debt, and although it's quite slow going down (and a big abberation in January sent it up again!) it's less than it was - my bank account actually goes into credit when I'm paid now, and I'm hoping to completely clear the overdraft by the end of May, which will be fantastic as some of the money I'm spending will actually be mine!!!!

Look at the smaller goals, instead of the big ones, looking at your signature I see you're on a DMP, so trying to wipe one out completely won't work, but instead set goals like getting a voucher from pigsback, something like the competition challenge where you try to win prizes that have an equal value to your broadbank charges etc. Have a look at the 'What small DFW thing have you done today' for inspiration.

As for the weight thing, I know what you mean - don't beat yourself up about it though. Why don't you arrange to meet a friend for a walk instead of a coffee sometime, or if the kids are old enough take them out to woods or the beach for the day - they'll run around & get tired (so they'll sleep well!) and you'll be active for a long part of the day.

tesuhoha

I feel like that too. I feel like its one small step forward and two steps back. I was invited out to a party at the weekend and I wanted to go. I went to Bluewater and spent hours wandering round the sales trying to find something suitable and cheap to wear and ended up feeling really very miserable because i spent £25 on a top. Will make sure thats my birthday present but i still spent money i do not have. I enjoyed the party though but everyone else was dressed up to the nines. We want to do up this house but have £16,000 to shift. It gets me down living like this, as we are in a mess but I wont take on more debt so we are paralysed and stuck in a rut till we pay it off. No holidays either. My last holiday was 5 years ago and i vowed I wouldnt have another till I could afford it. We had one day out last August, that was our holiday. Im not bitter, just impatient and bored and discontented generally.