Divorce - not agreeing with Decree Nisi

britta44

looby75 wrote: »

rather than thinking he's triumphing think about how far you have come by getting away from him.

You are in probably the most stressful situation you will ever be in right now but you are holding it together and looking after you child. Focus on that and don't worry about what anyone thinks or says about you.

I know you feel like you can't fight anymore but you can, as long as you pick your battles carefully. If you don't feel that you are getting the service you should from your solicitor then change. They are supposed to be fighting on your behalf, if you don't think they are then IMO thats good enough reason to look for a new one.

Thank you Lobby - You are absolutely right - It will be almost 2 years now since the separation and I still do not know how I am carrying on and where do I find strenght ...
I am keeping myself to myself eg. I am not blabbing about my marriage breakdown and at work only my closest colleague knew until recently, and everyone else asks how I lost so much weight

I do need to concentrate and pick my battles carefully... and more important is what is the best for my daughter at this moment ... and no I am not a control freak who wants everything her own way - I am very flexible in terms of contact between my ex and LO (I also think about future like sharing holidays, school runs - if possible etc) - currently my only worry is stability for her (having one home where she sleeps - with me) and contact on regular days with father...

Thank you very much Ladies

My mum was also not happy that I am too soft with everything what s2bx has done to me and my LO and she cannot understand why I am letting him have his own way all the time :-( I just do not want to waste my energy on him and I hope there is Karma :-)

floss2

Contact Cafcas and ask for an explanation of why their recommendations are being overruled.

Also, I don't think that any bad-mouthing of you by your ex to your child's pre-school, your employers etc will happen - and if it does, you should already have spoken to them warning that he may try this just to discredit you as he is such an unhappy and vindictive person Apart from anything else, it is so childish - almost like telling tales of a school friend when you haven't had your own way.

You are right - he is trying to control you and trying to retain that control when he knows that you are moving away fom him, so keep going, let him divorce you (at his cost ) and concentrate on reasonable supervised contact for your child.

britta44

floss2 wrote: »

Contact Cafcas and ask for an explanation of why their recommendations are being overruled.

.

Thank you good idea with contacting Cafcass...

easilydistracted

Glad it was of some help. Does sound strangely similar. I also have a rather 'interesting' mother who in turns was really helpful and other times crazy unhelpful. Highlight was her telling me she had been crying because she missed him and it was so sad I was divorced and that might have been my only chance at marriage. I was 24! To be fair have no plans to get married again, but don't think it's quite the human tragedy she does. A few years down the line it's just all memories and not something I think of often. On a side note it's unusual for the court to go against CAFCASS, perhaps you need a fiercer solicitor. Or perhaps you just got a bad bench in court. Is the solicitor not able to give you any passing advice about the divorce at all? There is some good divorce books and online forums out there if not.

peachyprice

Just trying to help you see this from another angle.

At the moment he's in complete control of the situation, he thinks he's got one over on you by making it all out to be your fault, he knows he's upsetting you, knows you can't afford a solicitor to defend, knows you're putting yourself through the mill because it's not what you want. So call his bluff, let him get on with it, don't let him know he's getting to you. He'll find it far more frustrating if you just accept it and walk away. Mind games can work both ways. Don't let him control you anymore, don't let him have the last word.

At the end of the day you'll get your divorce, no-one but you or him (and the courts) will know what he petitoned for, far more people will know if you drag it through the courts by defending it.

Don't see it as defeat, see it as using his stupidity and blind arrogance to get the result you want, and end to it all.

As for your mother, what planet is she on?

LandyAndy

Dunroamin wrote: »

When I was in the same situation I just let him get on with it. Divorce is divorce and I was well rid.

That's right. The decree absolute just states that the marriage is dissolved. Nothing else. Let it happen and move on.

MrsAnnie

easilydistracted wrote: »

Years down the line no-one would know the situation unless I told them (only my partner has seen the papers and that's because I've shown him). The grounds are not on the decree absolute and it's not something that has any future relevance legally...



,..So my advice would be don't worry about the grounds on the divorce,,,.

^^^ This is so very true.

I am sure once you get over the initial anger and frustration of the grounds he has written down, no one will care what is written down on paper. I think there is a little space on the the papers where the petitioner writes the grounds of the divorce and there is a liitle room that you, as the respondent, can jot down a simply that you do not agree to the grounds and then sign the papers - this is what a friend of mine did.

At the end of the day you are not going to have to whip out a copy to show it to anyone.

Going forward the only document that matters is the Decree Absolut.

And I doubt he will be presenting copies to school ect, because that will make him look like a vengefull tw.t


Hold your head up high - you know the truth and that is all that matters.

sassyblue

Hi britta, I know what he is threatening you with but look at the facts.... if he sends divorce papers to your place of work he is going to look a first class plonker. Everyone will then see what you've had to put up with - if they don't already guess from your lack of confidence.

If it were me l'd be telling him to send them...

Good luck hun, you are very brave and l wish you luck dealing with the idiot, obviously two years down the line he is still humiliated you dumped him - good work!

NAR

OP I was divorced on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. I disputed more than half of the reasons given. My solicitor asked me did I want or think the marriage could be saved, to which I replied no. He said to contest it could turn out to be very expensive, so the compromise was that I accepted I was guilty of unreasonable behaviour but disagreed with a number of the reasons listed. The judge accepted the statement and granted the Decree Nisi.

No one sees these documents unless your ex decides to show them to people. Personally that wouldn't bother me, as my friends and relatives (including all my ex's family) knew what I was like. I am still (10 years later) still very friendly with all my ex's family, whilst she has been disowned!

britta44

Thank you for your kind words

When I think more about it - yes he will be the one falling asleep knowing what he have done and to what extremes he went (false allegations)

I am only doing what is in the best interest of my LO

I have calmed down now and will not pursue this any longer. Divorce is divorce

Thank you and have a lovely day