Divorce - not agreeing with Decree Nisi

britta44

Good Evening - I have been sent certificate of entitlement to a decree . I am the Respondentand even though I submitted Acknowledgement of Service Form with intention not to defend I DID NOT agree with the reasons and I also gave approx 5 - 6 reasons of his unreasonable behaviour (mainly domestic abuse, his arrest etc). I hoped that there will be directions hearing or that District Judge will at least wants to see evidence etc
cannot bare to look at him as he has proven again that he is always 'on the top'.
Please can you advise if I come for pronouncement of a decree can anything be done?
Thank you for your advise
Helen

Fire_Fox

Welcome! What does your solicitor have to say? Are you in the UK?

britta44

Thank you fire fox. I am self representing myself :-( I am afraid. No solicitor but I think will need to look for one... although I would rather spend the money on something else and not or something that is not worth fighting for (means divorce) only my good name

meer53

If you don't agree to the divorce i think you'll find it quite hard to represent yourself. Get some free advice to begin with and ask about getting help to pay for it. I got legal aid (don't think it's called that now) it depends on your income and whether you have any assets (or it did about 10 years ago !)

If you don't think it's worth fighting for, why do you want to prolong the process ? Although you need to make sure your financial settlement is sorted out before you sign anything.

looby75

if there is a history of domestic abuse I wonder if one of the domestic abuse charities would be able to offer you advice and support. Try contacting http://www.womensaid.org.uk/ and asking for their advice if nothing else I'm sure they would be able to point you in the direction of a good solicitor who would be able to advise you further.

Good luck and I hope this doesn't sound patronising (because it really isn't meant to be) but well done for standing up to him, I think he would find himself in hot water if he did send your personal information to people who have no business seeing it.

easilydistracted

My ex divorced me on the grounds of 'my' 'unreasonable behaviour'. He wanted me to divorce him at the time but he wouldn't have the patience to let me sort it out when I was stressed out and just starting a new job. In the end he sent this petition with a list of things I had supposedly done, some of which were made up completely and some were actually things he had done which was rather bizarre. I had only just got my first graduate job and didn't have the strength or energy for a full on divorce battle, so did similar to you in writing to the courts. The court ordered me to pay 50% of costs that came to about £600. Defending the divorce would have meant I had to get a solicitor and is very expensive.

Years down the line no-one would know the situation unless I told them (only my partner has seen the papers and that's because I've shown him). The grounds are not on the decree absolute and it's not something that has any future relevance legally. I was able to make an arrangement to pay his solicitors off in installments, I just wrote them a polite letter and they agreed. This stuck in my throat for a while but I felt really happy and free when I paid off my last payment. I was rather annoyed about how the system works however.

Rather amusingly, months later the solicitors tried to chase me for more money. When I highlighted I had paid off half the bill they realised it was him who hadn't paid and done a bunk. They were rather apologetic, but I was glad I had kept the receipts! They even asked if I knew his new address. Er funnily enough no.

The disadvantage of this is that we didn't get a clean break consent order, which technically means he could have a future claim on my finances, however as I was really young when I was with him and the marriage wasn't long its unlikely he will persue this, but could be important in your case.

So my advice would be don't worry about the grounds on the divorce and you are unlikely to be able to challenge the money issue, but I would get at least some legal advice if there are assets involved and also because you have a child. I think some family law solicitors give a free half hour of legal advice. I would also not give him the chance to keep getting at you through having a drawn out divorce process, as it can get messy for some. That's more personal choice perhaps. One other tip from my working life is that there are some domestic violence organisations who can provide some guidance re getting legal advice, and generally offer support and signposting for advice.

britta44

Thank you very much meer and lobby for your advise.



Thank you so much for reading my posts

britta44

easilydistracted wrote: »

My ex divorced me on the .

Easilydistracted - I am actually crying reading this as if I am reading about myself

I just really hope it will not have impact, consequences on future proceedings regarding child or finances....

Fire_Fox

I don't blame you for not wanting to accept the blame falsely. I left my husband due to unreasonable behaviour but he did the divorcing, he wanted me to admit adultery (first r'ship was after I left him!) but I refused.

Maybe try to separate what is going on with you and the ex from what is going on between your daughter and the ex? If you fight everything it could look like you are being awkward on purpose which plays into his hands.

Why is your mother being so horrible instead of supportive?? :eek:

looby75

britta44 wrote: »

It is more that I cannot bare that he is trumphying ... even since he left he is controlling all the time,playing up and manipulating... I am emotionally worned out and I am just giving up ... But from the other side I do not think I will ever forgive myself that after all I have been thru I just did not have energy and strenght to have the last saying....

Thank you so much for reading my posts

rather than thinking he's triumphing think about how far you have come by getting away from him.

You are in probably the most stressful situation you will ever be in right now but you are holding it together and looking after you child. Focus on that and don't worry about what anyone thinks or says about you.

I know you feel like you can't fight anymore but you can, as long as you pick your battles carefully. If you don't feel that you are getting the service you should from your solicitor then change. They are supposed to be fighting on your behalf, if you don't think they are then IMO thats good enough reason to look for a new one.

Dunroamin

Fire_Fox wrote: »

I don't blame you for not wanting to accept the blame falsely. I left my husband due to unreasonable behaviour but he did the divorcing, he wanted me to admit adultery (first r'ship was after I left him!) but I refused.

:

When I was in the same situation I just let him get on with it. Divorce is divorce and I was well rid.