To quit or not to quit?

cottonhead

I had a similar issue but because I wasnt bothered about a career I went part time to work around school hours. Now I have a great work life balance. Yes my job is boring and doenst pay great but I am there for my child, dont have to oay childcare and have more time to do jobs round the house. I feel happier and less stressed and my husband is happy that the house is tidy etc etc. So I would say if you can, why not consider swapping jobs ? Find something part time so you still have some extra income and time away from the house and kids but still have extra time to do the jobs in the home etc ? If the part time thing doesnt work then dont be worried about not getting bak to the workplace later on. Maturity and life experience count for a lot and seeing as the government want us to work un til be are 80 or whatever it is Im sure there is plenty of time to achieve your goals. looking back at my childhood I always remember being happy and content that my mum was about. she worked nights and slept whilst I was at school. when I grew up she resumed her career and is now quite senior. There is no point having extra money if you are too tired and stressed to enjoy it and kids want time with their parents not money.
Also dont let on your intentions but book yourself into a spa for the day and ask your husband to have both the kids and do the house work and cook dinner for when you get back !!. Just to let him see first hand how hard it is. Good luck.

kj*daisy

How on earth can you work with 2 littlest around all day! :-) I am In awe of you being able to do that, let alone anything else round the house. We aren't allowed to work at home unless the kids are in childcare (on a permanent flexible working basis, temporary kiddy sickness cover is ok) so you may be unlikely to get such an accommodating employer in the future if you give this job up.

With a husband expressing such sentiments I'd be VERY reluctant to give up work completely. I only work part time but expect DH to help around the house, and certainly when the kids were little he did loads to help. If you can't work part time I'd second the aupair idea, another pair of hands to help when you are working.

motherofstudents

I think you deserve a medal for working full time with two very young children to look after AND do the housework ! Some men don't realise how hard childcare is so I'd let him have a go one weekend.

Don't leave work because he says so - but, the time when your children are young will never come again, so if there is any way to spend more time with them I would try to do it. I took a 3 year career break but looking back, I wish I'd taken 5 years.

I think you need to be a bit more assertive and let your husband know exactly what you want and what you expect from him. He's working, you're working so the household tasks need to be shared equally.

Errata

I honestly think that both you and your OH need to wake up and smell the coffee. He needs to pull his weight and you need to realise you don't work full time - 8 hours a day - and at the same time as you're concentrating on that work simultaneously look after two infants. It's not possible - so who's losing out? Your boss because he's paying you to work full time and you're not, or your children who can't have your undivided attention and care because you're 'at work'.
If you don't want your children to miss out on what they're entitled to - care - get some childcare. If your OH wants a clean and tidy house he does his bit or gets someone in to do it for him.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I think that, whilst there is value in decreasing debts quickly, in order to keep working, enjoy the children and avoid stupid arguments with a complete twit (who you presumably love and isn't entirely without merit ), you budget for a cleaner to come in for 2 - 4 hours a week.



You don't necessarily have to mention it to him. As far as he sees, the place just gets tidier and shinier, you're still working, the children still get attention and you still have financial independence. It could actually free off even more time to spend with them, as you might even get to reduce the amount of housework you do.


And, whilst he does sound like he's being a complete prat at the moment, we don't actually know what the house looks like - it could be a complete tip, for all we know, so he might have a valid point. And even if this is the case, budgeting for a cleaner deals with that as well.

Savvy_Sue

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Why can't you go part time for five half days? IIRC you cannot be reasonably refused if you formally apply.

That's not quite true: you can request a change in hours, but the employer can refuse if the needs of the business make the change unsuitable. For that reason, it's worth thinking about how any reduction can be made workable - in some cases you can suggest a job share, or increased hours for another part-timer etc.

jetplane

How is this possible, how can you work for an employer all day and look after a baby and a toddler? And what more is there to do when you already cook, clean and look after the children?? As another poster has said my employer will only allow homeworking if the children have childcare, how can you do both when they are so young? This situation sounds like chaos, what discussions did you both have about work life balance, childcare, finances before you had children and has this only become an issue since you now have the baby?

I think it depends how the conversation went, if your husband is saying that (a) he earns enough to support the family through these early years and why not consider quitting work to give you more time, that's a different context to him saying (b) you have to quit cos I'm too lazy to help out more and you need to tidy up after me.

If it's (a) and you wish to continue working, then employ someone to help out on a daily basis, so that you can concentrate on your job while they see to the children and do the housework etc, and as suggested by another poster get a box for his trash. If it's (b) tell him to take the children to work with him, when he says that this is impossible tell him it's impossible for you too. Who would look after the children if you worked outside the home?

Close your eyes and think of what is important to you, I would never give up a job because my husband wanted a skivvy, but I gave up a very good job so that I could stay at home with my daughter. Women's liberation should be about choice but I think that instead of women having it all we often end up doing it all.

cakey

Errata wrote: »

I honestly think that both you and your OH need to wake up and smell the coffee. He needs to pull his weight and you need to realise you don't work full time - 8 hours a day - and at the same time as you're concentrating on that work simultaneously look after two infants. It's not possible - so who's losing out? Your boss because he's paying you to work full time and you're not, or your children who can't have your undivided attention and care because you're 'at work'.
If you don't want your children to miss out on what they're entitled to - care - get some childcare. If your OH wants a clean and tidy house he does his bit or gets someone in to do it for him.

How can you say I don't do 8 hours? I may not do 9-5.30, I start at 7am and finish around 9'each evening, my working time is flexible (my boss is aware) and my work is getting done, with no complaints.

Please don't make assumptions, I was asking for ideas, not digs

cakey

jetplane wrote: »

How is this possible, how can you work for an employer all day and look after a baby and a toddler? And what more is there to do when you already cook, clean and look after the children?? As another poster has said my employer will only allow homeworking if the children have childcare, how can you do both when they are so young? This situation sounds like chaos, what discussions did you both have about work life balance, childcare, finances before you had children and has this only become an issue since you now have the baby? Hi, I have flexi hours so I do 8 across the day, I work from home as my office moved to London and they wanted to keep me as I couldn't relocate, my boss is aware both babies are at home some days, but not all, they are in child are some days too

I think it depends how the conversation went, if your husband is saying that (a) he earns enough to support the family through these early years and why not consider quitting work to give you more time, that's a different context to him saying (b) you have to quit cos I'm too lazy to help out more and you need to tidy up after me. well it was a bit of both, he warns enough to cover bills, not much spare and when I ask for help around the house he is too busy (lazy) to help. He works when he gets home too, it's a new business he is trying to grow

If it's (a) and you wish to continue working, then employ someone to help out on a daily basis, so that you can concentrate on your job while they see to the children and do the housework etc, and as suggested by another poster get a box for his trash. If it's (b) tell him to take the children to work with him, when he says that this is impossible tell him it's impossible for you too. Who would look after the children if you worked outside the home?

Close your eyes and think of what is important to you, I would never give up a job because my husband wanted a skivvy, but I gave up a very good job so that I could stay at home with my daughter. Women's liberation should be about choice but I think that instead of women having it all we often end up doing it all.

I agree I think I need to find out more about what he expects if I am not working

cakey

kj*daisy wrote: »

How on earth can you work with 2 littlest around all day! :-) I am In awe of you being able to do that, let alone anything else round the house. We aren't allowed to work at home unless the kids are in childcare (on a permanent flexible working basis, temporary kiddy sickness cover is ok) so you may be unlikely to get such an accommodating employer in the future if you give this job up.

With a husband expressing such sentiments I'd be VERY reluctant to give up work completely. I only work part time but expect DH to help around the house, and certainly when the kids were little he did loads to help. If you can't work part time I'd second the aupair idea, another pair of hands to help when you are working.

I think I have it down to a fine balance now at first I was daunted, but now we are all in routine, baby still sleeps a lot, toddler plays in his playroom or sits with my while I work colouring or jigsaws.

I always said I would do this until I felt I couldn't do it anymore, if that makes sense. I don't feel at that point right now

I think the truth is he is lazy and wants it all, going to have a chat with him this weekend