Old Style Living: Turning down invites to save money?

Frugal_Dreamer

Hi,

I am trying to save money (soon to lose job) and be as self sufficient and frugal as possible. The problem is where I work at the moment, there always seems to be a lunch or dinner to go to. A colleague has suggested lunch at a pub for our dept and I am loathe to accept yet another lunch that will cost at least £15 that to be honest I'd rather save or spend on my family. How do I get out of these occasions without coming across as unfriendly or tight?

PhGage

Frugal_Dreamer wrote: »

How do I get out of these occasions without coming across as unfriendly or tight?

OH and I had so many of these that we both had to start declining but offering to contribute something to an in-dept. picnic lunch or afternoon tea.

If you work in a large dept. you will receive 3-5 Just Giving sponsorship emails from colleagues a week, various birthdays/leaving events and lunch/dinner invites. We've found some people don't react well but privately others will admit that they're relieved if others set limits as they find all of this a financial strain but didn't want to voice it.

Own_My_Own

You say you are going to loss your job. Are there not other people in your office in the same boat ?
You may find they do not want to spend extra money either. Very often nobody says anything,and the circle continues.
I would simply say, that due to the upcoming job loss, I could not afford it.
I bet a lot of colleagues agree with you, and were just waiting for somebody else to say it.

marmiterulesok

Sorry to hear you're about to lose your job.Surely your colleaugues are aware of this.Tell them that due to your approaching job loss,you prefer not to spend your money on such things.

Don't start worrying about what people 'might' think.I'm sure most people will understand.

Hope you find a new job soon.

seabright

What about going but not eating, just having a couple of tonic waters? You could always say you are having a big dinner with a friend later, if you feel a bit awkward.

Malfiore

Honestly, I just say I can't afford it!

There have been a few instances recently and I politely say, 'I'm sorry, I can't make x as I am skint/saving for x etc'. To be honest, it doesn't bother me anymore, I can't afford to go to every work event and contribute to every person's birthday/leaving present so I don't. Simple.

I know it can feel weird saying no, but to be honest when I say no, people seem o follow suit as they can't actually afford it either.

Good luck with the job hunt!

LavenderBees

I've got way beyond feeling guilty about not going to work or family social events. There's only me paying my bills and unfortunately, the bills come first.

I also now don't feel any need to explain (though I did the first few times) - I simpy thank whoever for their invite and say "I'm sorry I can't make it, maybe another time. Hope you have a lovely meal/outing/whatever".

If it's a friend with the invite, I'll sometimes try to suggest a less expensive option, but obviously that doesn't work so well in a work situation.

As has been said so MANY times before, if people are truly your friends, they'll understand, and if they aren't, then don't worry about what they think. You have to do what is right for you and your circumstances, and ignore peer pressure (also, I think, be aware that a lot of the pressure comes from ourselves internally as we want to fit in, and maybe even want to socialise).

Chickenopolis

Hello Frugal Dreamer . I would be completely honest and say that I could not afford it. I have been in situations where there is an assumption that the bill will be split equally between the group, where those who don't eat as much or don't consume alcohol are "happy " to foot the bill for those who have . I always make it clear that I will pay for my own food and drink in advance of the bill being presented. Do you know what ? The amount of times that someone else in the group then pipes up "yes, I would like to pay separately too " and is relieved that someone else has mentioned it .You may be surprised at the number of people who feel the same as you do and have not had the courage to say anything as they feel they will be seen as being "tight" or unsociable.

Why feel uncomfortable ? Or feel the need to justify what or how you spend your money ?

Good luck !

Frugal_Dreamer

Thanks for your feedback:). I have turned down the invite and said I was a bit busy (a bit of a cop out I know). The others are all better off them me (have partners who earn loads) and so money is not a prob for them even though some are also losing their jobs.

melanzana

Turning down invites gets easier over time. Honestly, most people won't remember whether you're there or not half the time!

But agree with others, hard as it is (no one wants to be thought of as a tightwad), honesty is the best policy, and your family comes first imv.

As for the birthday etc donations.....well where I work, we all give 1 euro a week (I live in euro land!). Every week all through the year to a social fund. All contributors are listed on a spreadsheet. It s optional, but great really. It means that when Jane from accounts is 21, in goes my fiver or whatever. And so on. What's left is used for the Christmas do, and then we start all over again!

Just to add, contributing to the birthdays, new babies etc. is optional, it depends on how well you know the person, or if you hate em!

Pink.

Hi Frugal Dreamer,

I am sorry to hear about your job. As this isn't really an Old Style topic I've moved it over to the Moneysaving in Family's board where you should get more replies.

Pink