Old Style Living: Turning down invites to save money?

Contessa

Many years ago in just my second job there was the usual collection for flowers, gifts, for colleagues who were ill or leaving etc. I was a bit surprised when my boss (whom I respected and liked) refused to contribute. She later told me that whilst she could well afford to contribute others couldn't-so her not contributing set an example, made it easier for other, newer and lower paid staff to say no. She didn't care if others thought her mean (I know she was really very generous) because she was senior and confident enough to withstand the pressure of being expected to donate and it was one of her ways of helping younger colleagues.

Ellie83

My closest friends are always wanting to organise trips abroad, etc. I just tell them I can't afford it. Husband and I are now hoping to buy a house so our budget is even tighter. Because they're very good friends, they have always understood that if I ever get enough money to pay for a week to Venice or where ever else, I'd go with my husband! (not that we could anyway!)

Where I used to work, we would only contributed toward a card and a birthday cake for someone within our (small department). Same for my husband where he is working.

There is no shame in saying no. You don't have to give an excuse. We've been invited to one of my husband's friend's wedding in November: we are going to RSVP "no thank you", send a nice card and that's it. We just can't afford the travel, accommodation and a present on top of that, when we can barely pay to visit my own family in France or buy Christmas and birthday presents to our close relatives!

Don't feel bad

chirpychick

Contessa wrote: »

Many years ago in just my second job there was the usual collection for flowers, gifts, for colleagues who were ill or leaving etc. I was a bit surprised when my boss (whom I respected and liked) refused to contribute. She later told me that whilst she could well afford to contribute others couldn't-so her not contributing set an example, made it easier for other, newer and lower paid staff to say no. She didn't care if others thought her mean (I know she was really very generous) because she was senior and confident enough to withstand the pressure of being expected to donate and it was one of her ways of helping younger colleagues.

I once in my old job refused to contribute to someone's leaving fund because I literally had no money - as a result I was treated terribly and when it came to my leaving my boss actually refused to let them do a collection for me despite me having been there for 5 years and having contributed to everything in those past 5 years.

Op, if you can't afford it then I think I would still be honest (despite the history of my work place) because soon you will be leaving and who cares what they think soon it wont be any of their business any way.

I do think that although I would be honest I would still go out with them but I would just drink tap water or Blackcurrant squash and if that wasn't achievable financially then I would perhaps go every other time instead, to be sociable if I liked the people!

maman

I think there's a big difference in being a 'tightwad' and being sensible with your money. I don't think we should be ashamed of saying no to spending money we can't afford. Perhaps if more people had done that years ago there wouldn't be so many people with huge debts now. I really hope that one plus side of this recession is that people will stop being stupid with money, buy needs not wants and give up shopping as a leisure pursuit!

Sorry to hear about your job OP. I think you're attitude is commendable and hope you get sorted very soon.:)

*max*

Don't say "Oh..sorry..I'm err..a bit busy".

Just say "I'm sorry, I can't make it, but I hope you all have a great time".

Nobody is "a bit busy". It's just a no balls cop-out, and they'll know it - and you'll just look like a potential pushover. Just say no. You don't have to please people all the time, you know.

Spirit_2

The attitude I would choose is to warmly decline a kind invitation....the invitation was not intended to embaress you but to include you.

The decision is easy - communicating it in a friendly, adult way (depending on what you are comfortable about disclosing) can be harder so some ready 'lines' might be handy.

" not for me this time, it would be a treat too far this month/for my budget "

"sadly not - heavy few months on the bills front"

"I can't make this lunch out, but will pop across /see you on the day (in the office) just to say cheerio/well done/happy birthday"

Sambucus_Nigra

Frugal_Dreamer wrote: »

Thanks for your feedback:). I have turned down the invite and said I was a bit busy (a bit of a cop out I know). The others are all better off them me (have partners who earn loads) and so money is not a prob for them even though some are also losing their jobs.

Why do you think this is a cop out?

I find turning down invites very easy - 'Love to but I'm fully booked that week/am stashing the cash for a trip next year/saving for a campervan/it's my yearly cash stash time/got an appt this lunchtime, sorry...etc etc

Of course if it's something I want to do then I'd go and if on a budget, have a lime and soda and yes - say I was going out with the OH for a slap up later and didn't want to spoil my appetite but really wanted to come out with you lot today.

The thing is to have a selection of excuses all ready, and do the 'I'd love to but...before you give that excuse.

Take control of your money and spare time! It's yours not anyone else's.

j.e.j.

Where I used to work the difficulty wasn't so much the meals out, or the pressure to go out boozing with them all (!) but the little things, like could I sponsor someone's child as they're doing a fun-run, or could I put some money towards the team charity event, or could I give some money for so-and-so (who I hardly know)'s leaving card and present, etc etc. The little things where you'd feel a tightwad for saying no, but it happened so often that the money soon adds up.

Sambucus_Nigra

j.e.j. wrote: »

Where I used to work the difficulty wasn't so much the meals out, or the pressure to go out boozing with them all (!) but the little things, like could I sponsor someone's child as they're doing a fun-run, or could I put some money towards the team charity event, or could I give some money for so-and-so (who I hardly know)'s leaving card and present, etc etc. The little things where you'd feel a tightwad for saying no, but it happened so often that the money soon adds up.

I haven't brought any spare money today, I'll do it tomorrow.

I forgot again, remind me next week.

Ad infinitum.

Bufger

I get this kind of thing often and i find just making people aware of my situation enforces my decision. A couple of recent examples:

Sponsorship for a senior managers daughter raising money for charity. Everyone on the form before me were sponsering £20, i sponsored £5 and wrote in the box 'these guys are obviously paid more than me!' but in reality my senior manager knows I have two very young kids and a large mortgage.

Coffee club - most of our team have daily costa's. I cant afford this but they always offer so I make my cuppa and go along! I dont feel silly because i know ultimately i'm £80 better off a month than them and I have people that rely on me to bring home the bacon (which i cant do if im eating it all before i get home)